racist guys?

[Alive and Free]

I think there is a BIG difference in being a racist and having sexual preferences.

 

[hotatlboi]

^Meh, it's a thin line.

Disagree.

For most people, not preferring a race for a sexual partner is not based out of any racial prejudices imo. Some people are only attracted to short people, some to tall people. Some people only like buff guys, others only like skinny guys. Is a person who only likes buff and tall guys unfairly prejudiced against short and skinny guys? No, that's stupid. Skin color (aside from denoting race) is another physical feature. Some people can simply prefer differently.

And to the OP, I see a lot of ads saying "only black guys" or "I prefer black guys" too, and not just from other black guys. So it's not just one race that has a sexual preference based on race, and those preferences are not just targeted toward one race.

Now, if someone doesn't like a person of a certain race because they view their race as inferior or they see that person as inadequate somehow beyond a physical aspect, then sure that's racism, but I don't think that is what most people are saying if they express a sexual preference based on race.

Personally, I'm white and I'm attracted to white guys easier. I don't know why that is, it just is. That doesn't mean I would refuse to ever go out with a black guy though, as some black guys I do find very attractive. It just depends. I guess you could just say I am typically attracted to a greater percentage of white guys than I am black guys but that doesn't mean I look down on black guys or treat them any differently as people. hope that makes sense.

 

[hotatlboi]

ok, I see what you are saying marley.

But If you are talking about the non-physical stuff I think those are more cultural preferences than they are racism.

For example, I shared a room for two years with two black guys in college, and while they were cool guys, we were clearly on different wavelengths with a lot of stuff. Their culture and background was very different, as was their taste in things like music, movies, hobbies, etc from mine. So again, while I wouldn't automatically rule out dating anyone based on their race, if it's become some people's experience that they typically identify more with a certain race on personality etc. that might be informing their stated preference. I still don't think that necessarily implies racism though. They may view people of all races equitably, but just not see as much compatibility in certain cultures for forming long term partnerships.

 

[hotatlboi]

Hotatlboi, I certainly see where you're coming from. I'm not one of those fools that denies cultural differences. HOWEVER, it really creates a divide when people call you crazy for suggesting that prejudice exists. You might not be, your friends might not be, kudos, but it's really rude and disrespectful to act like someone's insane for suggesting that prejudice seeps into sexual preferences.

You're right, I won't deny that exists. I'm sure it does with someone people. But I don't think that means you can automatically assume that any stated sexual preference based on race is from that kind of racial prejudice like the OP did. I think there's plenty of valid reasons for that which don't necessarily mean someone is a racist. That's really all I was trying to say.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

It would be nice to see evidence that all these, extremely specific racial preferences people express are entirely benign, but what I experience in my own life and what I hear from others tend to be the same tired stereotypes and preconceptions that folks have regarding race.

And I have encountered many white men who say they are ONLY into black men, but I have my doubts about that because they usually don't step correct. They're looking for a Mandingo fantasy.

I must say though, I have been surprised by the racial backgrounds of many of the men I've been with. I though I knew "race" myself, but I had no idea!

 

[Muscles4daze]

Well to be honest with you whenever I hear people say I am not attracted to black people I find it to be odd especially when black people come in so many different shades and types. I have heard people say they are not attracted to Asians because of their features, but I have met black people who I assumed were white or hispanic and they weren't. Take someone like Nicole Ritchie who looks like a white woman, but actually is black.

 

[Ringfinger]

Yes, these people are racist, just as all gays and straights are sexist.

 

[hotatlboi]

That's just it, what do you mean by "physical stuff?" There are VERY few physical attributes that can be attributed to race, not even skin tone in some cases, certainly not any facial or body features, the "physical features" argument was debunked pages ago.

Are you serious? There's a ton of physical attributes that are common to race. Blacks have darker skin tone, Asians have common facial features which are different from other races. Indians typically have a distinct smell in my experience. etc etc

That sounds even more like prejudice, perhaps I'm misinterpreting but you're saying people can't relate if they're different races? You're transposing "race" for "culture" which is a bit confusing. I recognize cultural differences but I don't see how that would imply incompatibility. Even within a race, there are cultural differences, for instance a white New Yorker dating a white person from Arkansas is about as opposite as you can get, or a black Californian dating a black from Atlanta. Since when do we look for people who are exactly like us?

Did I say it would imply incompatibility? No. But what I'm saying is maybe some people simply aren't attracted to the personality types that generally exist within certain cultures. Maybe they don't identify with them as much. I refuse to believe that simply because someone is generally not attracted to people of a certain race that means they are necessarily racist. Racism is a term that I think defines a situation where everyone should be treated the same, and people of some races are not. Choosing sexual (and life) partners is not and never was an equal playing field. Those choices are already highly discriminatory based on personal preferences, which many times are things even more trivial than race. Just because you are not sexually attracted to someone does not mean you have to view them as any less of a person and it doesn't mean you are a racist.

 

[hotatlboi]

Okay, that still doesn't exclude any race. Personality type and race are unrelated.

There are no universals but there often common similarities in my experience.

I agree with you that it is stupid to "write off" any race in their entirety based on any of the things I said. There are exceptional people of every race, and often people that differ markedly from common stereotypes. But there very clearly are physical, cultural, and other features often common to race imo that people may like or dislike.

 

[hotatlboi]

I can get down with that, HOWEVER, no one is naming any of those cultural, physical, or *other differences so it's hard to understand.

I gave several examples of physical differences in #214 and cultural ones in #206. If you disagree, well then there's not really much else I can say. It's just a difference of opinion at that point.

 

[hotatlboi]

I responded to them and you dodged my response. I'll concede. If skin tone is the issue, that wouldn't justify writing off the entire race because many blacks can pass as white and some whites are confused as being black. Preferring a skin tone would not justify writing off an entire race, only parts of EVERY race.

I'm sorry but that makes no sense to me. If someone was not attracted to black people because of their skin tone (again I'm not one of those people just to clarify), you are saying they should say "I don't really go for black people, unless you can pass as white", instead of just saying "I don't generally prefer black people". I'd say the first response would sound far more racist to the casual listener, yet you're advocating that as the more tolerant position. Besides how many black people can really pass as white? Not that many imo.

 

[Ringfinger]

Let me change my opinion slightly.

"looking for only whites and latinos" vs. "prefer whites and latinos"

It must be realized that there are preferences, but people do sometimes stray out of these preferences.

I myself am generally attracted to white, heavier, older men. However, there have been exceptions and times when I find a black man, a hispanic man, a fairly fit man, and a younger man (which I consider 30's) attractive.

I agree with lucky7 in saying that it is wrong to right off an entire race. Is this racism? No, I don't believe in itself it is. I think racism is more along the lines of hatred towards a group. It's just being close-minded and not giving things a chance. Nothing is absolute.

TL;DR - I think it is okay to have preferences, but to weed out anyone who doesn't match your ideal partner isn't right. However, I don't think this is necessarily racism.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I once made the mistake of confiding to a white guy I was chatting up that though I wasn't "really feeling" white guys at the moment but it was different with him because..." Needless to say, he was highly, highly offended and had every right to be. It's not a compliment to tell someone you're not "into" their race, and then go on to to suggest you make excepections for exceptional specimens. What an insult. That's the subtle style of racism I spoke earlier. In any case , it wasn't I didn't find white men attractive, I just had some suppressed racial tensions related to past experiences, percolating beneath the surface. Thanks goodness I can learn and grow and admit to and overcome my own biases.

 

[Cognition]

And as race and personality type are not necessarily connected, there's not really a good reason there either.

Culture is something social, not necessarily racial... because I am black does not mean I like rap music and saggy jeans.

Very well said.

 

[wraithsa]

i dont thinks its racist - i just think its personal preference

 

[youngnihilist]

It's racis. I understand that a lot of gay guys who aren't into black guys aren't necessarily racist against blacks in their everyday life, but that tinge of racism still lingers because you're simply not into a guy because of his RACE - black. and even if you blame features - the features are based on his race. this isnt that hard to comprehend.

 

[MCsNo1Fn]

I'm attracted to latinos. Hot. I'm attracted to white guys but I'm specific. Facial hairs and tattoos is a must. I've only ever been attracted to one black guy. It's never been my attraction for whatever reason. I wouldn't consciously discriminate, but for some reason black guys don't do it for me. Maaaaan, guess that means I'm a bit racist Makes me feel like crap lol

 

[MorrisseyX]

Isn't Adam4Adam specifically a website for men that are into men of colour? At least this is what I have heard? I heard Adam4Adam is a really good website for men of colour to meet other men of colour. I have definitely seen ads from gay black men that specifically only want to meet other gay black men. So I don't think it is "racism" I think it is just a preference. Everyone has a RIGHT to be sexually attracted to whom ever he desires. There is always someone out there for ANYBODY. I know this won't sound PC but why do some men of colour care if white guys are into them or not? Who cares? At least that's my perspective. But then again I am not into white men I prefer men of colour. And I know there are other men of colour that also prefer men of colour as well.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Men of color, who have a clue, don't care whether someone likes us or not. Our dance cards are plenty full. Black men are always in demand, somewhere. But we do have an issue with the lies and the denial. The veiled racism, racist preconceptions, and the outright hostility that masquerades as personal preference. It's very difficult to articulate how you can not have any interest in a particularly individual, yet be very offended if they give the impression that they are slighting, putting down, or rejecting your (or anyone's) entire race. That is the feeling, however. It is true that many black, gay men choose not to deal with whites at all. But that's a reaction to the racist treatment they have experienced. It's very stressul being a minority within a minority. And something has got to give.

 

[hotatlboi]

It's racis. I understand that a lot of gay guys who aren't into black guys aren't necessarily racist against blacks in their everyday life, but that tinge of racism still lingers because you're simply not into a guy because of his RACE - black. and even if you blame features - the features are based on his race. this isnt that hard to comprehend.

Except, like I said above, black guys are definitely not the only preference based on race I see. I often see things saying that the person ONLY likes black guys (and not just other black guys). So would that be racist also? No, because I don't think "racism" is the right word to describe something that is inherently discriminatory by it's very nature as individual sexual preferences. Some people only like guys with large feet, are they "footist"? lol Some prefer guys with brown eyes, or blond hair, or etc etc. There's plenty of things which people discriminate against which are even more trivial than race, and no one sees anything wrong with any of that. It's simply personal preference. Just because someone doesn't find a black person attractive does not mean they would necessarily treat that person any differently or look down on them. Does the capacity still exist for that? Sure. There's still white supremacists around. If they didn't find black people attractive I imagine that would be motivated by more than simply physical factors. But that doesn't mean everyone who doesn't have an attraction to someone based on race has that kind of mindset. Same if they didn't like a white person or an asian person or whatever.

Once again I'll reiterate that I think it's dumb to completely rule out all members of any race as people you necessarily wouldn't like because there's a lot of variation among people of all races. But it's been my experience that I am more easily attracted to most members of some races more than others, and I don't see anything wrong with that. I respect everyone and have friends of all races, so I don't consider myself racist at all.