ranting

[stevvve15]

I'm sorry you're going through so much... I really have no idea what it is to be in your situation, since i'm just starting college and have different but much smaller problems.

I just know one thing, even if you've get used to being in the closet, when you add to it all of your other problems, it can become extremely harmful. There's no way of telling how your friends and family would react to you coming out but start thinking about it because it really makes you feel much better.. hope things get better

 

[G-Lexington]

Wow, lots going on.

First off, ask yourself seriously, "Do I need to be in college now?" Is there a specific degree you need, one that will definitely help you get a job in a certain field? Yes, a degree is always helpful on the resume, but is it a necessity? Or do you just like going to college? Or enjoy the fact that it pushes the real world away for another year?

If you decide college is definitely the way to go, you do whatever it takes. Hit up your sister or friend, and ask if you can crash there while you get back on your feet. And then, do absolutely EVERYTHING in your power to get back on your feet. Your goal then will be to move out the VERY first second you can. Take a part-time (or even a full-time job, if you think you can handle it) and start saving your pennies. Call your student loan people and make sure the loans get deferred (you're back in school). Call a credit counseling service and get your credit card situation under control. Your diet will be ramen, macaroni & cheese, and (for those special occasions) the value meals at the fast food restaurants. And while you live under your sister/friend's roof, make your presence invisible. Clean everything up instantly so it looks like you've never been there. Your life, such as it is, will consist of classes, work and sleep.

Difficult? Oh yes. But how badly do you want it?

Lex

 

[backpacker]

I definitely feel for your situation. I had many of the same struggles as you (supporting myself, paying for school, parents made too much money for aid). I'm sure your dad loves you, but probably thinks he's showing you tough love by saying you need to stand on your own two feet. You probably made some choices in the past that your dad doesn't agree with and that's why he's being tough. We have all made choices that our parents don't agree with. Sometimes we were right and sometimes our parents were right. Your friends may have feelings similar to your dad. You should take some time to reflect on the choices you made in the past. Figure out which ones were good and which were bad. Did you buy a car you really couldn't afford or an expensive stereo? We all make mistakes. I know I made plenty, like the two examples I listed. The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes. You may also want to admit your mistakes to your parents and friends. They will see it as a sign of maturity.

Paying for school yourself is tough, but it can be done. You may need to take a quarter off or go to school part time. When you're not in school, you should work two or three jobs. You may need to work 70 hours per week to get your debt under control and save for school. If you keep yourself busy enough with work, you won't have time to blow your money on other stuff. Sometimes it's not what you make, but what you don't spend. This is basically the plan I had to follow until I graduated. You may need to sacrifice for a couple of years, but it will be worth it. Be sure to finish your degree, but make sure you are getting a degree in something with good job prospects.

As far as living arrangements, look for a cheap roommate situation. Check the school newspaper, bulletin boards and websites. I know the thought of living with someone you don't know is a little scary, but if you take some time guying to know the potential roommates before making a selection, everything can be good. Worry far more about the roommate than the place itself. Just because a place is awesome, doesn't mean it's a good choice if you're not compatible with the roommate. The place you can afford may be a dump, but that's what you may have to live with.

You are being forced to deal with real life problems a little earlier than some of your friends, but I'm sure you are old enough to handle them. Good luck!

 

[rareboy]

Oh god, why not just do it. Come out. With all the other shit going on, wjo in your family will notice?

And he told me he's tired of my crap, doesn't want to listen and pretty much that he doesn't want me to move back home.

So I'm thinking there is a lot more to this story.

Anyhow, hon...here's the thing. Moved out when I was 18. Very limited financial support from parents. Paid my own tuition, living costs etc. etc. all through University. Had student loans. Couldn't afford to blow a lot of money. Never had to move back home. It is no tougher now.

I think that you're not sharing some of the underlying reasons why your life is so complicated with your readers.

You sound a bit like a serial defeatist. For heaven's sakes. Get out there and just succeed at something without throwing in the towel or wailing all the time about how tough it is.

I agree. Get some roomies. Live like a serious student. Stop burdening your friends with financial troubles. I can guarantee you, they don't give a shit.

Finish school. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

Bitter? Heavens no. Nothing to be bitter about. I love my life. Wouldn't change a single minute of it.

But your anger.........where does that come from?

I'm sorry that if you were just looking for unconditional sympathy for your plight, I wasn't the one to be able to offer it. If the post was just about putting your thoughts down, why not get a diary; that way, no one will offer any comment. When you post it on a board, you're shouting 'pay attention to me'. And I did.

I don't think it can be just as simple as you and your dad not liking one another. I think this is one area you need to start working on. Maybe he is a total shit. It seems a lot of anger seems to come from this bad relationship with your dad. But then again, who knows. I can guarantee you, though, that neither of your lives will be right until you can come to a better understanding of each other.

You're angry with your friends because you listen to all their dumb ass problems but they can't see that you are in trouble and need help? I can see you're in trouble and that you need help...but I don't think you need coddling. You need to put your problems in context. I hope I've been able to help you do that....even if you are angry about it. While you might want to think you're the only student who ever went through all this...you're not....I got through it. So can you.

I do see that you say that 'no one knows' you're gay. Is this part of the problem? Why not tell everyone?
Your parents and your friends might understand a little more about the origins of your anxiety and high emotional stress levels.

You think I'm acting superior. No. But I have already lived it and managed to overcome these little obstacles.

..and you say you're not a defeatist, but at the slightest provocation to think about your problems from a different perspective, you're ready to throw in the towel and storm away with hurt feelings.

 

[drhladnjak]

I'm not sure if this is also the case in Canada, but in the States a lot of universities have emergency loans programs you can draw on when you're in difficult circumstances like this. Speaking to the financial aid division is a good idea, but also see if you can talk to some sort of academic advisor about the problems you're having as well.

You might also want to investigate how realistic it is to finish up going to school part-time while working part-time. That may be more feasible. Considering that you've already invested so much time into your education, pulling through now and finishing the year would probably best if you can swing it. If you can't, then taking some time off to get everything in order (get a job, your own place, etc.) isn't a bad option either.

And to rareboy--unfortunately, it is harder now days to work your way through school than it used to be. I don't know how old you are, but the costs of tuition, fees and books have been rising well above the rate of inflation for quite a while now. Even when I started college about 10 years ago, I was only able to make ends meet with student loans and a highly skilled part time job that paid about $17/hour.

 

[StlKj]

You didn't ask for advice or help. You just needed to rant and vent. So you did. And now I'll give you what you really need right now, but be warned--it won't solve any of the problems you listed. . .





























Still though, I hope it helps a little.

 

[rareboy]

In Canada, tuition and living costs are still proportionate to family income where they were when I was in school. In fact, in Canada, it is still incredibly cheap to get a post secondary education. I know this to be true.

Both OSAP and Student Lines of Credit are available, particularly for students not receiving parental support. There is something troubling about the fact that the parents in this case are making no contribution and I don't think we really have the full story here.

Our schools are full of kids wrestling with the responsibilty of handling money and accumulating debt. Of course it is tough. In our own family, even though it is possible to pay all the costs of education, we still require the students to have a job while they attend University in order to contribute to their own success. They are not permitted to live like they don't have to be responsible for budgetting.

I suspect that good financial mangement skills are missing in this case and there is already the suggestion out there that credit counselling is in order.

In this case, I can't recommend that our friend here takes a year off. There are so many cases where this results in students never completing their education. It only works well where there is a real plan in place and where the fulltime job experience contributes to the education.

G-Lex and Vetteboi both gave excellent advice about persisting in school.

I found it interesting that there was no acknowledgement of their advice, only anger at the post I left, which all in all, wasn't that tough.

I still believe that the statement of his dad being tired of Ryder11's crap is the key point to the entire post. Figure out how that point was reached and then I think a solution to all of this would present itself more clearly.

 

[nonenone]

hey man, dont pay any attention to this rareboy guy, he doesnt know what hes talking about. im a u of t student too, so i know how hard it can be dealing with money issues in toronto...yeah osap is a pain in the ass, theyre always givin ya the runaround. my advice is not to move back home, but to try and find a cheap place to live in toronto-- try the student housing service.. also try to find cheap used books for your classes, cuz u of t prices are insane and theyre always trying to drain ya lol.... jus remember keep your head up and work hard and soon everything will work out... take it easy man i hope everything works out for ya

 

[rareboy]

Well nonenone..... I actually am quite familiar with the tuition costs and anticipated daily living expenses for universities across Canada since I assist an academic awards and bursary program.

I would say though, that you also give good practical advice. Given that Ryder has said in another post that he was an abused child at home, I don't know why he'd even think of going back there. Although if it were me, I'd suggest the parents get a lawyer if they don't cough up the money to help him finish off his education unless they want to face charges of abuse. since he has a sister, obviously she'd be the first person to turn to.

I believe he has the ability to complete his education despite the obstacles. I think he needs to know that others have and continue to do it under circumstances as grim as any of you might imagine. He just has to focus and organize his plan of approach.

 

[backpacker]

Hey Ryder, how are you doing? Did you find a place to live? Give us an update, we care.