Hey guys,
I’m one of those in-the-closet, unsure if I’m bi or gay guys who’s having some problems with a guy and have absolutely no one to talk about it with. So I figured I’d try here and see if anyone might give me some advice.
To get the basic stuff out of the way, I’m pretty sure I’m bi. I’ve had relationships with girls before and been in love, but I’ve also been attracted to guys and watched gay porn. I’m very picky when it comes to girls as well as guys, and I’ve never met a guy that fits my type, until now. I’ve always said I’m straight because I figured until I have a relationship with a guy, how do I really know? But this guy is definitely what I want and I don’t want to ruin it.
So here’s the story on how I met him and where things are: I’m in college and I went to a party at a friend’s place. My friend has a roommate (will call him Jay) and he’s nice and everything was good. Couple days later I get a text from Jay asking me to come to another party. When I said I didn’t know for sure if I would go or not he was very insistent that I come, and that’s when I had the first inkling that maybe he liked me. Anyway, I went and decided to get drunk and got tired rather quickly. I laid down on the couch and Jay just happened to also be sitting on the couch so my head was sort of in his lap. He very slightly caressed my back and that’s when I knew he wasn’t straight. That continued for a little while but was the only eventful thing that really happened. This was all before Christmas and during the break we texted each other back and forth. We got on AIM and talked for a couple hours and it felt like a first date, it was kind of inquisitorial because he asked me all these questions about my sexuality and what I like and etc. etc… all the first date get-to-know you type stuff. We both established the fact that we’re at least bi, and I hinted that I was attracted to him. He told me that his roommate and him were going to go to a gay club on Sunday and that I needed to go with them.
So everything’s good, we keep texting and IM’ing and everything’s great. Sunday rolls around and we go to the club. I’m not really a club person and have never been to a gay club, but I decided I’d suck it up because I’d be with him. We drank but I didn’t get drunk, just very tipsy, because I knew I wanted to remember anything that happened. So we watched the drag show and then went to dance. It was him, his roommate, me, and then two other friends who joined us there. Now like I said, I’ve never been to a gay club before so I’m unsure if what he was doing with me was just club dancing or a sign that he does indeed like me, but he was all over me. He broke us away from our friends to another area of the floor and had his hands up my shirt, all over my ass (and other body parts) and I did the same with him. I kissed his neck a couple of times but he never kissed me. I was just in a state of bliss, not wanting it to end, and we did this for a good hour and a half until our friends found us and we headed out. Once we left the club though any romantic or flirting gestures stopped. He didn’t ignore me, but acted like nothing happened. I spent the night at their place hoping he’d cuddle with me or something but I ended up on the couch. We didn’t spend New Year’s Eve together (which kinda hurt) but we still texted and IM’d, although it’s like once a day and the conversation has definitely gone down from the flirting we were doing before we went to the club.
Now this guy is not a player, he’s kind of reserved and I was pretty shocked by what he did with me at the club. He’s not in it for sex because that’s one thing we’ve talked about over IM’s in that we both want to be in a relationship before anything happens. I’m just confused now because I can’t seem to get him to do anything with me. I’m being very cautious in that I’m not coming off as obsessive or needy (like I said, we’ve texted each other only once a day since the club) but I’m getting this feeling that he only wants me/will do things with me when he drinks.
I decided I wanted to ask him on a date, but he already had plans for today (know that I asked him over an IM, because he rarely answers his cell). I think tomorrow though I’m going to call him and ask and then just see where that goes. If he says he’s busy I’ll ask to schedule for a day that he’s not, and if he still doesn’t want to I guess I’ll have my answer. I’m just so confused as to the way he’s treating me and I’m very worried I’m making this into a bigger deal than it really is. But if two people like each other, shouldn’t they both want to spend time together to get to know each other better? I feel like I’m the one making all the advances, but he has also started the text/IM with me first when I don’t send him anything so I think maybe he’s just taking it really really slow? I’m all for going slow but he’s taking a ton of courses this semester and school starts in a week and a half, so his available time to do anything is going to drop dramatically. I fear that if we are going to go on a date it has to be before school starts or else he’ll always be busy.
Thanks for reading if you’ve stuck around this long, any advice you guys have is appreciated. I’ve never been in this situation and really don’t know what to do.
I’m one of those in-the-closet, unsure if I’m bi or gay guys who’s having some problems with a guy and have absolutely no one to talk about it with. So I figured I’d try here and see if anyone might give me some advice.
To get the basic stuff out of the way, I’m pretty sure I’m bi. I’ve had relationships with girls before and been in love, but I’ve also been attracted to guys and watched gay porn. I’m very picky when it comes to girls as well as guys, and I’ve never met a guy that fits my type, until now. I’ve always said I’m straight because I figured until I have a relationship with a guy, how do I really know? But this guy is definitely what I want and I don’t want to ruin it.
So here’s the story on how I met him and where things are: I’m in college and I went to a party at a friend’s place. My friend has a roommate (will call him Jay) and he’s nice and everything was good. Couple days later I get a text from Jay asking me to come to another party. When I said I didn’t know for sure if I would go or not he was very insistent that I come, and that’s when I had the first inkling that maybe he liked me. Anyway, I went and decided to get drunk and got tired rather quickly. I laid down on the couch and Jay just happened to also be sitting on the couch so my head was sort of in his lap. He very slightly caressed my back and that’s when I knew he wasn’t straight. That continued for a little while but was the only eventful thing that really happened. This was all before Christmas and during the break we texted each other back and forth. We got on AIM and talked for a couple hours and it felt like a first date, it was kind of inquisitorial because he asked me all these questions about my sexuality and what I like and etc. etc… all the first date get-to-know you type stuff. We both established the fact that we’re at least bi, and I hinted that I was attracted to him. He told me that his roommate and him were going to go to a gay club on Sunday and that I needed to go with them.
So everything’s good, we keep texting and IM’ing and everything’s great. Sunday rolls around and we go to the club. I’m not really a club person and have never been to a gay club, but I decided I’d suck it up because I’d be with him. We drank but I didn’t get drunk, just very tipsy, because I knew I wanted to remember anything that happened. So we watched the drag show and then went to dance. It was him, his roommate, me, and then two other friends who joined us there. Now like I said, I’ve never been to a gay club before so I’m unsure if what he was doing with me was just club dancing or a sign that he does indeed like me, but he was all over me. He broke us away from our friends to another area of the floor and had his hands up my shirt, all over my ass (and other body parts) and I did the same with him. I kissed his neck a couple of times but he never kissed me. I was just in a state of bliss, not wanting it to end, and we did this for a good hour and a half until our friends found us and we headed out. Once we left the club though any romantic or flirting gestures stopped. He didn’t ignore me, but acted like nothing happened. I spent the night at their place hoping he’d cuddle with me or something but I ended up on the couch. We didn’t spend New Year’s Eve together (which kinda hurt) but we still texted and IM’d, although it’s like once a day and the conversation has definitely gone down from the flirting we were doing before we went to the club.
Now this guy is not a player, he’s kind of reserved and I was pretty shocked by what he did with me at the club. He’s not in it for sex because that’s one thing we’ve talked about over IM’s in that we both want to be in a relationship before anything happens. I’m just confused now because I can’t seem to get him to do anything with me. I’m being very cautious in that I’m not coming off as obsessive or needy (like I said, we’ve texted each other only once a day since the club) but I’m getting this feeling that he only wants me/will do things with me when he drinks.
I decided I wanted to ask him on a date, but he already had plans for today (know that I asked him over an IM, because he rarely answers his cell). I think tomorrow though I’m going to call him and ask and then just see where that goes. If he says he’s busy I’ll ask to schedule for a day that he’s not, and if he still doesn’t want to I guess I’ll have my answer. I’m just so confused as to the way he’s treating me and I’m very worried I’m making this into a bigger deal than it really is. But if two people like each other, shouldn’t they both want to spend time together to get to know each other better? I feel like I’m the one making all the advances, but he has also started the text/IM with me first when I don’t send him anything so I think maybe he’s just taking it really really slow? I’m all for going slow but he’s taking a ton of courses this semester and school starts in a week and a half, so his available time to do anything is going to drop dramatically. I fear that if we are going to go on a date it has to be before school starts or else he’ll always be busy.
Thanks for reading if you’ve stuck around this long, any advice you guys have is appreciated. I’ve never been in this situation and really don’t know what to do.
