Ready to live

[bhandsome]

I've posted many times before, only to express my sudden frustration with coming to terms with my sexuality. Since my last post I understand it's okay to be gay, but I have yet to accept myself, and honestly I feel alone (when I know I'm not); it's an empty feeling.

Lately I have been wondering why I'm not as social as I want to be. I look back at the times during school, I was always around friends, rarely alone, but I always had an empty feeling of being alone. I was always surrounded by friends but never been truly happy. Whenever I spoke with them, I feel like I was talking out of my ass to try and flow with the conversation. Although, it felt like I wasn't being myself, why, because I don't know who I am.

I feel like every conversation or anything I watch on tv shows a message about being gay, like it's a big bold sign telling me to come out and it's hard to ignore. I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence or my gut telling me to let it go. I see all these young gay men, who are enjoying life, and I'm trapped inside my own mind.

From the discussions I have read on JUB, I am truly lucky to know that when that day finally comes for me to come out, I won't be disowned or suddenly struck by hardships. The family and friends I surround myself with have always been open minded, at least the ones I love. But idk why I have yet to come out. Maybe I'm scared, but of what?

I think it's time for me to just let out everything that's holding me back. I feel like I have yet to experience what life has to offer because I don't know myself or at least willing to accept who I truly am. I want to experience a relationship, sex, travel, express myself, etc. I just have this strong feeling and I am ready to finally live. I am 21 and too young to be held back and watch my life pass me by.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and I would appreciate any words of wisdom.

 

[BostonPirate]

21?

You're right on track.

I love hearing people discuss wanting more and wanting to better themselves.

I wish you all the best!

 

[bhandsome]

Thank you guys for the positive reinforcement!

 

[Taz]

Man you pretty much just described my life. I hate the feeling, that i know im gay, and i know thats ok, and i know everyone that matters to me would be ok with it. but i just cant take that step, and it feels like I'm missing out, like if i had come out earlier i would have been leading a richer life. I hope we can find the courage to be ourselves before we look back and regret not doing it.

 

[greyhorse]

Well there is plenty of support on here fellas and I am sure you will find a few local friends for you to live, love, learn - happy travels through it all. Best wishes, o o o o , G

 

[KaraBulut]

Sometimes these coming out posts sound like a young kid standing of a pool on the diving board on the deep end, looking down and shivering in fear.

The diving board isn't the only way into the pool. You can go to the shallow end and swim to the deep end. It doesn't really matter whether you get into the pool from the steps on the shallow side or from the diving board on the deep end.

The important thing is that you get in the pool.

Maybe for you, the steps into the shallow end of the pool is letting go of this idea that there's a big event called "coming out". Just start being honest with yourself. Instead, maybe you need to break it down into smaller pieces and work on making new friends, meeting gay people, dating, being honest with important people in your life, etc.

There's time for neon signs, parades, billboards, T-shirts and coming out parties later.

 

[bhandsome]

Man you pretty much just described my life. I hate the feeling, that i know im gay, and i know thats ok, and i know everyone that matters to me would be ok with it. but i just cant take that step, and it feels like I'm missing out, like if i had come out earlier i would have been leading a richer life. I hope we can find the courage to be ourselves before we look back and regret not doing it.

Well, both of luck to the both of us.

Sometimes these coming out posts sound like a young kid standing of a pool on the diving board on the deep end, looking down and shivering in fear.

The diving board isn't the only way into the pool. You can go to the shallow end and swim to the deep end. It doesn't really matter whether you get into the pool from the steps on the shallow side or from the diving board on the deep end.

The important thing is that you get in the pool.

Maybe for you, the steps into the shallow end of the pool is letting go of this idea that there's a big event called "coming out". Just start being honest with yourself. Instead, maybe you need to break it down into smaller pieces and work on making new friends, meeting gay people, dating, being honest with important people in your life, etc.

There's time for neon signs, parades, billboards, T-shirts and coming out parties later.

I really like the idea of taking things slow. Telling me to come out never works, because I won't do it; it's easier said than done.

Thank you.

 

[Seasoned]

I would say you are suffering from internalized homophobia brought on by living in a heterosexist society. Often the hardest coming out is to one's self. If this persists see a therapist to help you sort it out.

 

[pe3fyd]

I've posted many times before, only to express my sudden frustration with coming to terms with my sexuality. Since my last post I understand it's okay to be gay, but I have yet to accept myself, and honestly I feel alone (when I know I'm not); it's an empty feeling.

Lately I have been wondering why I'm not as social as I want to be. I look back at the times during school, I was always around friends, rarely alone, but I always had an empty feeling of being alone. I was always surrounded by friends but never been truly happy. Whenever I spoke with them, I feel like I was talking out of my ass to try and flow with the conversation. Although, it felt like I wasn't being myself, why, because I don't know who I am.

I feel like every conversation or anything I watch on tv shows a message about being gay, like it's a big bold sign telling me to come out and it's hard to ignore. I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence or my gut telling me to let it go. I see all these young gay men, who are enjoying life, and I'm trapped inside my own mind.

From the discussions I have read on JUB, I am truly lucky to know that when that day finally comes for me to come out, I won't be disowned or suddenly struck by hardships. The family and friends I surround myself with have always been open minded, at least the ones I love. But idk why I have yet to come out. Maybe I'm scared, but of what?

I think it's time for me to just let out everything that's holding me back. I feel like I have yet to experience what life has to offer because I don't know myself or at least willing to accept who I truly am. I want to experience a relationship, sex, travel, express myself, etc. I just have this strong feeling and I am ready to finally live. I am 21 and too young to be held back and watch my life pass me by.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and I would appreciate any words of wisdom.

same here ~ 21 and stuck ! had a girlfriend once, when i was 14, really loved her, still do, maybe only a little now. We broke up when I was around 16 cause 100% love and no sex eventually puts out the little spark we had. And then I was confused for another 2 years and then denial for another 2 years and when I finally accepted it, I made my dad send me away. Well, send me here, to New York...

I guess i'm scared of losing what I have right now, my friends and families. Even if they accept me when I eventually come out (which I don't plan to) I know they will look at me differently. Even if they still love me all the same.

And here is something so funny I wanna share, I think it's becoming a trend for me. I have fake girlfriends. Not that I pretend and lie about them, it's because I hang out so much with certain girl friends of mine and we have so much photos on facebook that everyone thought we are dating. We go to movies, nice dinners, vacations and do a lot of stuff together but I never have crush issues because I was careful to not send out wrong signals.

Anyhoo, I hope you get to enjoy and explore life and find happiness, don't be like me, a coward who runs away and only enjoys the company of his BBFs.

Peace out !

 

[bhandsome]

Today I had a conversation with my Mom about sexuality and religion. I didn't come out to her, I just wanted to hear her opinion on a few topics.

We covered Republicans who want to ban gay couples from adopting children (Michele Bachmann), the fact that gay people don't choose their sexuality, and also how God feels about gay relations. We had a great conversation and it all came down to everyone will have to answer to God.

It was my chance to understand her point-of-view and it's something I will keep in mind when that time comes I will need to be honest with her about my sexuality.

 

[Nice Boy]

I am with you, bhandsome, nameless and pe3fyd

Although I have accepted myself and even came out to a few people, I feel that I need to experience relationship, sex, travel too. And I'm not that older, I'm 23...

So I support you a lot. And bhandsome, I have these feelings of fear to come out too (although I feel they are pretty irrational). I just consider it a bit like pointless sometimes

However, I feel that I'm growing into coming out to "wider circles"... And I think that perhaps one has to geow into that so I'm pretty sure that time will come for us all

 

[bhandsome]

I am with you, bhandsome, nameless and pe3fyd

Although I have accepted myself and even came out to a few people, I feel that I need to experience relationship, sex, travel too. And I'm not that older, I'm 23...

So I support you a lot. And bhandsome, I have these feelings of fear to come out too (although I feel they are pretty irrational). I just consider it a bit like pointless sometimes

However, I feel that I'm growing into coming out to "wider circles"... And I think that perhaps one has to geow into that so I'm pretty sure that time will come for us all

It's really comforting reading that I'm not the only one going through this tough time. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and hope and pray we will overcome this soon.