Reconciling Personality with Sexuality

[GoodMusician]

This is something I've been kind of dealing with as of late and I thought that perhaps it might be an interesting topic of choice...

I'm gay. There's no question about that. But, lately I've been thinking...

You see, the more I see and the more people I meet, the less I think that being gay is, at its core, as simple as "liking guys."

In fact, the more I study, it seems that being gay is almost a whole subset of personality traits mingled with certain tendencies, perhaps biological in nature, but also, to a greater extent, environmental and societal.

What I mean to say is... it seems that most gay people I know are...well.. "gay."

On the other hand, I've never seen myself as anything but completely different from the "gay norm."

My personality is also, I find, more and more at odds with my sexuality.

I study physics. I love science. I love music and music composition. I study film. People say men think about sex every 3 seconds. Me? I think of music.

In fact, I barely ever think about sex.
If it weren't for this thing between my legs occasionally coming out of a coma and saying "Remember me?" I probably wouldn't even EVER think about sex lol..

But there in lies the rub (literally and figuratively): I have a huge sex drive....

And lately, I've begun to have troubles reconciling the two. How does one have a large sex drive AND be such a huge nerd at the same time??

How does one study film scores and edit and remaster music in their spare time, but want to fuck every cute boy that walks by?

I mean, it seems like a no brainer... but it is a rather conflicting issue, especially seeing how societally speaking, my sort of personality is not cohesive to the... "hook up" scene, the dating scene, or even the gay scene at large.

So perhaps the huge libido goes unchecked, underutilized, and ignored.

But at the same time, to spend more time on that to ... properly utilize it, then you have to take time away from more creative and intellectual ventures.

Perhaps I'm just strange... but I find this sort of thing difficult.

Anyways... any thoughts?

 

[metta]

And so where is the conflict?

I would recommend that you do not judge what being gay is by the sterotypes. Yes, there is more to being gay than any sterotype. Gay people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and interests.

I have always been thankful that I'm not one of those people (straight and gay) whose life is just totally absorbed in getting the next 'tail.' I have seen how it can really mess up peoples lives and is often times very destructive. Some people will just stick it in just about anything just to get off.

 

[GoodMusician]

I'm not trying to say people all fit the stereotypes, but you cannot intellectually disagree that stereotypes don't exist for a reason...

I'm simply stating that a lot of times, there seems to be a lot more to being gay than liking men.

I mean, the fact that I study religions, obscure scientific theories, quantum physics, and sit at home remastering film scores isn't exactly something that ... I dunno...turns people on? lol...


The reason for the problem is the amount of time I spend doing these things... obviously... removes from the amount of time I have to do sexual things... and vis versa...

and it seems like no true medium can be reached. Each fights the other and neither allows for the other.

How can you get a guy to have sex with you and when he asks what you do for fun, explain that you nit pick about where they put the harp into the mix.

hot

lol

 

[metta]

I'm not trying to say people all fit the stereotypes, but you cannot intellectually disagree that stereotypes don't exist for a reason...

I totally agree with you here.

I'm simply stating that a lot of times, there seems to be a lot more to being gay than liking men.

nah...that is all there is to being gay...sex and relationships are a bonus. In other words, even if you never had sex and were only physically attracted to men, you would still be gay. Having gay sex does not make a person gay.

How can you get a guy to have sex with you and when he asks what you do for fun, explain that you nit pick about where they put the harp into the mix.

hot

lol

That you have different interests in addition to being gay....that just makes you a more well rounded person. I think that there is something wrong with people that are only interested in sex.

How can you get a guy to have sex with you and when he asks what you do for fun, explain that you nit pick about where they put the harp into the mix.

hot

lol

I'm sorry to say that I'm the last person to give advise about how to get a guy to have sex with you. Actually, I would not even be the last person....lol...

There are people that find intelligence to be sexy. I don't think that what you do for fun will hinder you in getting a guy unless the guy happens to be insecure with himself.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I see myself as being gay, too. Meaning, it is only a part of who I am. Not the whole.

So, I have a busy professional life that has nothing to do with my sexual identity. It has everything to do with putting the food on the kitchen table. I have a few kitchens and my tables are big. So, I do a lot of work and this conversely takes a lot of my time. To some people this is acceptable. To the others, it just ain't. I can easily connect with the former and I have given up on trying to connect with the latter.

I travel, hike, cook, exercise, read and write and maintain the three homes I use and own. This takes time, too. As everything else does, too. Admittedly, at times, I see that I have an awful lot on the plate before me, and all of that is my own making. It comes with the territory.

I also go out, have fun, live in an open relationship and enjoy all of it.

Yet, I have never ever felt any conflict anywhere.

At times, work takes precedence over most other things. And at times, it has to go a back burner, if I am to stay happy, balanced, creative and productive. So, pleasure comes in first sometimes. I have learned how to plan, manage and economize with virtually all of my resources.

I share most of my hobbies and leisure time activities with my BF. (Being a shrink, he is perfectly willing to certify that both of us are 'insane' to start with). At times, we are overwhelmed and we have to tone it down a bit. Only to come up with new plans couple of weeks later. We are both used to feeling a bit 'damned', if we do the things and equally so, 'damned' if we miss on them. So, we are not sweating it either way.

Over the time you learn that doing something explicitly means that you are not going to do something else, catch up on some sleep and rest. So, you make your calls and you live with them.

Gay or not, not everyone is compatible with everyone else. I used to have a very close friend, who was greatly into both the opera and soccer. (For most of his friends, one thing automatically excluded the other.) You connect with people, even with your BF over the matters that you have in common. And you do other things on your own or with the guys, who are into those other things. This is good and should be that way.

Eventually, just like with everything else, you alocate a certain number of hours, a certain amount of $$$, and so much of your energy, making sure that your sexual drive is sated, too. You want to be happy, satisfied and creative. Sex is here for a reason, too. Sure, there are other pursuits, you could be following in that time and with those resources, yet just like with everything else, you want to be reasonable about your sex drive and recognize its inevitability and reality.

SC

 

[G-Lexington]

Yes, stereotypes exist for a reason. But there's a huge difference between "stereotypes" and "facts".

The facts about homosexual men are these: the people they're attracted to are male.

That's it. That's the only fact about gay men. Just like the only fact about women is the presence of a vagina and the absence of a penis. That's it. Everything else is a stereotype. Be it "gays walk like that" or "girls like to shop" - you're talking stereotype. Which means some, maybe many, maybe even most, are like this, but not all.

I'm a music geek myself. More on the listening and hoarding side than the creative side (just don't have the talent for it). I'm also a math nerd. And a sci-fi geek. And a sports fanatic. A nd a slob.

None of this makes me "not gay", or not even "not AS gay". I'm still gay. You know why? I like to fuck guys. That's the dictionary definition. And that's all it requires.

You're a smart music geek who likes to fuck guys. Accept it. It kicks ass.

Lex

 

[beatleshead]

I love the Beatles, I could tell you the birthdates of many musicians, I have 120 Albums from Sgt. Peppers, to Charlie Parker, to Fleetwood Mac, to Prince. I can play the piano, guitar, bass, organ, drums, I can compose and I can mix music. My band peforms pop songs and can write mean mean mean rock songs, not to mention funky soul tracks.

I'm in love philosiphy psychology yet skeptical of it. I could qoute you movies up your wazoo, and even write you a couple of scripts in a day or two.

I love guys and I love women.

SO WHAT.

that has nothing to do with your sex life and who you want to court. If you feel that the only way you can find someone is to parade around with pink Frilly vests and those hats with the bells hanging off of them with a rainbow flag on top and watch sex and the city, then be my guest, EXCELSIOR!!!

But you will wake up and find that you are not yourself. You will find yourself afraid to do the things that make you happy. You will go mad and pull your hair out and be in the same funk you were in.

I do not agree with the comment that, "Being Gay is only apart of you". It is all of you. and so is your interest in music. And your interest in physics. And film.

Until you accept every aspect of you as being connected and not connected in any way, then you'l' sit and be worried about this forever.

You dont have to be what the sell to us on sex and the city, and queer as folk, and HGTV. you have to be you.

and if those people who act "GAY" and cant accept that your personality is different, why shakle yourself in misery with them?

 

[DarkHelios]

How can you get a guy to have sex with you and when he asks what you do for fun, explain that you nit pick about where they put the harp into the mix.

hot

lol

Frankly an answer like that would make a guy MORE attractive to me.

What kind of answer would you expect a guy to give anyway? The question was "what do you do for fun", not "what's your favourite sexual position".

 

[KaraBulut]

You see, the more I see and the more people I meet, the less I think that being gay is, at its core, as simple as "liking guys."

In fact, the more I study, it seems that being gay is almost a whole subset of personality traits mingled with certain tendencies, perhaps biological in nature, but also, to a greater extent, environmental and societal.

What I mean to say is... it seems that most gay people I know are...well.. "gay."

Human nature makes us look at a random collection of things and try to make them all into a uniform group. So, we try to group Americans into Italian-Americans, African-Americans, Latinos, etc etc.

It's not that easy to do this with gay people. If you assume that 5% of American society is gay, then it's 5% of the Italian-Americans, 5% of the African-Americans, 5% of the Latinos, etc.

The great thing about gay people is that they are a very diverse group. The problem with gay people is that they very often don't have much in common- other than they all like cock.

If most of the gay people you know are "gay"- and by this I assume you mean they are like Jack on Will and Grace- well, then you need to get out more and meet more people.

 

[GoodMusician]

I hate to say it but I think a lot of you if not everyone has missed my point.

... some are getting close but let me explain agian.

I look around at all the gay people I know... my age or not... and I don't fit in. Period.

You ahve the guys who do drugs, the guys who are hopeless romantics and stuck on one guy even though he fucks around.

You have the guy who you care a lot about, but he's with someone else because he didn't think you were sexual enough. You are.

You have the guys who are 30-40 years old and work a meaningless job and wine all the time.

You have the guys who are 40-50, spending all their time online trying to find boys to have sex with...

You have the guys who are more "normal" or "well rounded," but none of them care about relationships... they will lure you into sex and then leave you dry.

I guess my point is, I don't know where I fit in.

I'm not a twink... but I'm not a bear. I'm not fat, but I'm not thin. I'm not muscular, I'm not constantly sexual. I'm not dumb, I'm not limited.

And I guess... I guess there are two things to this thread... what I said and what I'm trying to say...

What I' trying to say is, I don't believe that there are people like me out there. I don't see them... I don't hear about them...They don't seem to exist.

I guess it's just hard growing up for me as I have a complete lack of role models... and I guess the issue is more that...I don't seem to fit in.

But how do you "fit in" when you don't... how can you meet guys if you don't like the club... that sort of thing...

Perhaps this thread is better left ignored

 

[metta]

I definitely do not fit in in any of the groups that you mentioned. I think that we all feel like we don't fit in sometimes. I have never really 'fitted in.' I just am what I am and experience what I choose to experience.

Personally I'm a minority of a minority of a minority: gay bi-racial vegetarian. I don't like clubs. I don't do drugs. I don't hook-up.

One of the nice things about being gay is it often times makes you question what is normal and allows you more options. Being different is fine.

You don't have to fit in. Just be who you are and you will find that will most likely be fine. Focus on things that interest you.

If it is a relationship that you are looking for, the clubs are not the best place to start anyways. Have you tried some of the dating web sites like:

http://www.match.com
http://www.chemistry.com
http://www.true.com
http://www.mypartner.com
http://www.lovetastic.com
http://www.onegoodlove.com

There are probably even dating web sites for musicians...

There are dating web sites for vegetarians....

http://www.veggiefishing.com
http://www.greenfriends.com
http://www.planetearthsingles.com
http://www.veggiedate.org

And there are other web sites that are not really dating sites but you can meet more people and you never know....
http://www.justusboys.com
http://www.glee.com
http://www.jaketm.org
http://www.bigjock.com
http://www.realjock.com
http://www.manjam.com
http://www.bigmuscle.com

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Goodmusician,

You know something mate... you are dead right. There is not another single person in the world like you... thats what makes you the extraordinary guy that you are. Thats what makes you you.

Stereotypes exist because we are lazy. They exist because we find it easier to make generalizations and sweeping statements rather than taking the time to break things down and look at things logically.

Sure groups of like minded people who share interests or who have similarities or traits exist - they make up footy teams, orchestras, scout groups, political parties... but that in no way implies that all of those people are identical or stereotypical.

Mate... the media and popular culture have given you the impression of what it means to be gay... and the only reason that you are struggling to challenge that misconception is the same reason that forces you to wonder if you'll find someone else like you.

Lack of exposure.

The only way for us to learn as people, to have our ideas challenged and our rusted on thoughts brushed away is to actually see things for ourselves. How many times have you seen or heard something you know to be untrue simply because its a topic or subject close to your heart? This mate is no different.

There is no stereotypical gay guy. Each and everyone of us differs to varying degrees. We are people first. We are humans first. We are musicians first. We are you first.

I'm sure you dont possibly think that you are the only person in the world with your interests or passions. I'm sure that you dont look at your friends and say to yourself I am so wildly different from all of you... So there in itself is the proof that somewhere there are gay guys just like you. Its impossible that they dont exist.

Challenge your pre conceptions Goodmusician. And dont try to fit in. You dont need to... and you should never want to. You are you. You are unique special and individual. And yes you are gay. But first you are a friend, a lover, a son, a student... when I see your thread I see a musician and a student... an intellectual and a nice guy. I see someone with morals and values... and I see someone whos uniqueness makes them interesting and valuable.

I sure dont see you as someone who should try and blend in. Because that would be our loss. Celebrate who you are because we are richer for having you around just the way you are.

 

[Treborf]

Mate, you're not as different as you think you are. Damn near everybody thinks they don't fit in.

I used to think like you. I fancied myself a hip-hop loving, Camus reading, sports watching, black, gay, intellectual jock. And I just knew no other gay person could relate to me. But I was wrong.

The problem: I kept convincing myself that I was so damned different from everybody while overlooking what I had in common with them. The solution: I stopped fretting about always being an outsider and just started meeting new people. Real, complicated people. Sure, I haven't found a gay guy that wants to discuss the philosophy of the absurd while Jay-Z, but that's okay. I've met dozens of guys that share my perspective on life, my outlook, my temperament. And I think that's more valuable than finding someone who shares some of my hobbies.

What I'm trying to say is that it seems that you define yourself (and others) in a way that makes you incompatible with them. Nobody is just a walking stereotype, people are more complex than that. Or to put it simpler... screw the labels, screw the categories. Just hold on to the nice guys you meet, and I guarantee you'll find you have more in common with them than you think, be they music nerds or not.

 

[GoodMusician]

I do have to say thank you first for all the great responses... but I was afraid of how you all would react and answer.

I was talking in very broad strokes and I think a lot of you got lost and simply latched on to singular issues.

I'm not talking about stereotypes... or things of that nature... I mention them off handedly... but I don't mean them as a topic.

Nor hooking up or sex really... just the general sense.

I guess my point is this:

Yes, I'm unique. That's a given. But the thing is, what, then, should I look for and how should I find it?

If I don't find some sort of ... degree of classification, won't I simply linger in obscurity and inperceptability towards those I would want or who would want me?

To what degree must we define ourselves and how do we do this?

I don't "fit" in any genera or order.

And as you've all said, we are a minority... and a minority within a minoirty... within a minority.

The chances become astronomical that anyone should or could find anyone... assuming that they do not settle for someone.

So the issue I suppose is this:

To what extent must we intellectually betray ourselves to identify accurately in a sexual or physical context?

Lets start with myself:

I'm 5'11, Green eyes and brown hair. I'm about 198 pounds, light body hair. Not muscular.

Most people would then say "bear" or "cub," but BOTH terms come with varying degrees of connotation AND ambiguity.

I say "bear" you think "fat," I say "cub," you think "young and hairy and fat."

Or I say "bear," you think "muscular and hairy," and I say "cub" and you think "young and nieve and looking for a daddy."

I mean...the interpretations become endless... and then the question becomes, is the definition more ambiguous than not having the term?

I'm intelligent... strong willed... fiercely determined... completely self reliant... and a bit Bitchy.

Someone in middle school was asked to describe me and I was utterly surprised and pleased with his respense even though at that age my persona had yet to fully develop.

"Bernard is a great guy. You know he'll be there for you WHENEVER you need him. But don't you dare cross him when he knows he's right." lol... and he was exactly right lol

So... perhaps the issue here isn't so much of creating a definition, but to what extent the nomenclature functions and to what extent it does not.

I'm a non-conformist to the max. I'm about as well rounded as you can get...

But then the question becomes... is that personality compatible with someone else's? Or, is that personality even compatible with someone sexually?

The big issue is I'm seen as a brain. People look at me and they see "Aww! He's so smart and cute and talented!"

But they don't look at me and go "Damn, I want to fuck him!" lol...

And I suppose that's where this post comes full circle...

I don't want to be seen as a whore... but I do want to be seen as sexual.. and studying film... or music... or art... or quantum mechanics or evolution or comparative biology or audiophonics or comparative technology between digital and analog or any of the other myriad of things I work with... aren't exactly things that people look at those types of people and go "Damn... fuck yea!" lol

And I suppose that's where I'm meaning to take this.

How DOES one create an air of sexuality around a brain... and then the trick becomes to maintain it...

Is it even possible?

 

[GoodMusician]

I have to say... I've never had this sort of difficulty communicating... I tend to be very good with words...

It seems I'm not really coming across right... so perhaps I should simply stop.

I'm not looking for perfection, but should I not want to make myself better?

I never said I wanted EVERYONE to want to have sex with me... but it would be nice if at least ONE person looked at me and thought it for a change...

that's all I mean... how does one be both...

 

[tallguy297]

Hey goodmusician,

We hear you mate... maybe we are the ones struggling to get our point across... either way its a great thread you've got going here! Its a pretty deep discussion!

I just wanted to address some of the things you asked...

To what degree must we define ourselves and how do we do this?

We dont have to mate.... thats our point. Ironically you are doing what you dont want to do... trying to fit somewhere... and thats the last thing you should be doing.

To what extent must we intellectually betray ourselves to identify accurately in a sexual or physical context?

Zero. Never. You dont ever have to betray yourself in ANY way heaven forbid intellectually. Hell mate, thats what makes you the guy that someone will fall in love with... thats what makes you you. Never ever compromise yourself.

How DOES one create an air of sexuality around a brain... and then the trick becomes to maintain it...

Stop over thinking this Bernard... your sexuality and sexiness comes from you being you... just going about your life and day to day living... you dont have to work at it... it just happens. And if you seriously dont think thats true then you greatly underestimate who and what you are.

Is it even possible?

It sure is mate... and this doubt simply stems from you not having found the right person to share your life with... and that makes you pretty normal too... lots of us are still on that journey.

Relax Goodmusician... life will answer all of these questions, erase your concerns and reward you in good time. Your a good guy, your posts show that... and your strengths are obvious. In time someone will recognise them and you and you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were worried about!!

 

[GoodMusician]

haha...

awww... well, thanks ...I think hehe...

I suppose that is the problem: all my relationships have been...well... immature in nature.

I dated one guy that I really cared a lot abuot. He and I are still best friends. His family is my family... even after we broke up, he and I still had sex... perhaps it was the familiarity and comfortable relationship we had... but I know that I craved those moments... mostly becuase they made me feel wanted... sexually...and after sex we'd have these great conversations... and it was EXACTLY what I always wanted...

but we're friends.

all my other relationships, once it led to sex, they were through with me. Either stopped called, stopped talking, dumped me via email... cheated on me with my best friend... etc.

The problem I suppose is...my first love is my best friend... and he is... well... Gorgous. An Adonis.

He and I use to compare our relationship to Hephastian and Alexander.

He was Alexander... a short, stocky, strong man... who's body was chiseled... and had a beautiful face and eyes... great hair...and who's body perminately smelled sweet.

And Hephastian... the man who "was Alexander." Taller, bigger, darker wavier hair, a more Greek face... the steadier of his hand... ... and who concurred Alexander "with his thighs."

When we ended... It hurt a lot... being my first and all...

But I know that in being with him, It made me feel...well... more attractive... to think that a man as gorgeous as he is... could love a poor little nothing like me

(I want to be a part of B.A. Buenos Aires; Big Apple) lol sorry couldn't resist.

But I know that he always made me feel wanted...sexual... like...I had that part. And he was the only one.

He and I don't do anything sexual anymore... not for nearly a year and a half now... and I suppose I've forgotten what it's like to be desired by someone I desire.

There are those who want me... but they want me purely for sex... not for any other reason...and I don't desire them... so it doesn't count...

So maybe that has something to do with it...

You don't meet people like my best friend often though... and the fact he lives down the street doesn't help that... with there being both of us in this area... then there musn't be another for a state or so lol...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I never said I wanted EVERYONE to want to have sex with me... but it would be nice if at least ONE person looked at me and thought it for a change...

There ARE hot guys out there. People who get felt up by other gay guy's eyes the second they walk into the club. But they're in the distinct minority.

I know many gay guys in LTRs. And, as it turns out, none of them are what you might call "hot", at least in the generic "A&F model" sense. In addition, none of them are "bear and chaser", or anything similar. They're just guys.

So what happened? How'd they do it?

They went out.
They met people.
They talked, and got to know guys.
They learned more about one another.
And they fell in love.

That's how it works.

My partner is rather short and round. I don't have a "thing" for short and round guys - I'm not a "short and round chaser". If I had written a personal ad before I met him, I certainly wouldn't have said "must be short and round" or "short and round a plus". It just so happens that the guy I met, the guy I meshed with, the guy I fell in love with IS short and round.

Nobody has ever walked me (or my partner, probably) walk into the door and thought "I'd love me some of that". Not when I was 25, and certainly not now. That's just not where my strengths are. So I'll never be a sex god to the world - dealable. But I'm still the most attractive man in the world to my partner, and he's the most attractive guy in the world to me.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I suppose that is the problem: all my relationships have been...well... immature in nature.

Read back through your posts and count the number of times that a sentence uses "I" or "me" as the primary pronoun.

Read back through your posts a second time and count the number of sentences with a negative tone to them (e.g. You have the guys who are 30-40 years old and work a meaningless job and wine [sic] all the time.)

It's very difficult to get a feel for a person's personality from a single post, but after reading through this thread several times, you might begin to see some patterns.

Most guys are looking for someone who is interested in them and is fun to be around. Ask yourself , "Are you a person that you would want to date?"

 

[GoodMusician]

Yes... I am a person I'd want to date.

And should I not want for something I want?

And no, I'm not very meticulous with the guys I date.

1) I've dated an intelligent but very sexual white guy. Great cock... very adventurous... very intelligent... He loved what I loved and we got along great. We're still best friends, but his emotions were all in a tizzy from his ex... so we didn't last.

2) Then I dated a short Italian guy with a very small penis who just liked to rub around; he was cute but he broke up with me after one time of rubbing around. Just stopped talking to me.

3) Then I dated a guy that I had to break up with becuase he was too much of a kid at heart. It was weird thinking of him sexually becuase it was like... thinking of having sex with a child.

4) Then I dated a guy who was perfect: greek, about my height, great cock, great dresser (I even took a few tips from him!), sooo funny, loved great music, was a rebel, loved my body and we hit it off soo well. I mean, The story of how he met is so strange but the moment our eyes met from across the room... we were both wanting each-other. ... he stopped talking to me after I took him to prom.. .and then before he moved away he invited me to see him but he left early. And now he's married to a great guy in Minnesota.

5) Then I dated an hispanic guy who was as into music and as talented as I am and as sexual and adventurous as I am... but he also smoked pot and it became more important to him than me as was school which was understandable, but the relationship dwindled down to moments of passion and that was it. There was no substance, so I had to end it.

6) Then I almost dated this guy really hot but he was kinda creepy. He ims me from time to time "I wish you were here. I'd give you so many great orgasms!" yea...

7) Then there was a thin guy who was almost exactly like me in every way. He loved Jurassic Park, John Williams, film scores... but he also loved it all with a slight twist... I loved John Williams most, he loved Jerry Goldsmith lol... which is very very forgivable lol ... but he got very... defensive and thought I was like the other boys and had lied to him when I hadn't... and well... it fell apart from there.

8) Then I dated an extremely intelligent guy, but he was a militant atheist and at the time I was still somewhat Christian... and he just was a complete jerk and an asshole to me... not to mention he slept with my best friend before I had a chance to be with him at all! ... and was a general, all around jerk. Lets just say after we broke up when I went to see him for his birthday, his parting words were "You got fat. I'm worried about you. Are you ok?" when I hadn't. Id' LOST weight actually

9) Then I met a big guy who was my type... irish, funny. Wasn't that intelligent but at least could hold a conversation and follow me and what I had to say. Was very worldly and was wise in that respect. Had been through a lot... had a great family. Loved a lot of the same stuff I loved and even managed to get me to loosen up a bit and got me drunk enough to dance lol! But always took care of me... made sure I was safe and wasn't doing anything too wrong. He had to get me drunk because I'd never been drunk really in public before and he was driving so lol... with much... anxiety I did it but lol.. I didn't get TOO drunk... just... apparently enough to dance and make a fool of myself...

We never had sex.

He said he felt I was too virginal for him... only later did he find out the truth. I'd hidden most of my sexual stories from him for fear it would scare him away. Ooooh the irony.

I still hold a place for him actually...

10) Then there was this really rich guy.. .most of his friends that I know well said he's a great guy too... he liked to cuddle and we hung out and got along great and I even met his friends... Then we had sex. We haven't talked since. He's stood several feet away from me at the club and just not said a word. Yea.

So I like to think I've been around the block. I've dated thin people, hot people, irish, italian, etc...

I'm not afraid of any type of person nor do I limit myself... I know what I like, but at the same time, I can find things to like in most any "type."

So it's not like I'm saying "I'll only date Aberzombies" lol... quite the opposite.

And yes I say "I" a lot but am I not talking about myself? ...

I don't mean any disrespect by this, but if I'm understanding what you seem to be hinting at by your comments, you are mistaken. The relationship isn't always about me... nor do I make it such... but there are certain things I DO want from a relationship:

I do want an equal partnership... sexually, intellectually...

I want to be able to enjoy the person sexually.

I want to be able to enjoy the person in a non-sexual manner.

I also want the person to be more mature in their personality. They can't be all winey and childish and get upset because of the little things in life. I need someone far more low maintainence.

But it seems that most of these are... again.. near impossible to find.

I hate clubs. I go on occasion, but you always see the same people there looking for the same thing, wasting their lives away in the same way they were last week.

I don't want to be like them... and when I'm 40-50, spend all my time on hookup websites looking for twinks or some such... I want more of a meaningful life than that.

And the internet is nice, but the thing is you have to ask why are they on here and not going out? Is it because tehy don't like clubs? Do they not like clubs because they are antisocial or have difficulty dealing with other humans?.. because most of my friends joke that to date me, you have to be crazy... becuase most of the people I've dated are certifiably crazy! lol

So yea.....