Kurn
JUB Addict
Thankyou for sharing and welcome to JUB.
I learn so much at JUB.
I learn so much at JUB.
The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums
-
Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community
In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
If you do not have an account, please register.
REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your InfoPLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.
Regreating Life
- Thread starter Kurn
- Start date
tx_doc
Anything is possible.
Hang in there. Even if your parents can't deal with it now, you are going to have to be strong. You mentioned that you have good friends, that is a good thing. I went through the same thing when I was 17 but was kicked out with only the clothes on my back. It was the hardest thing to deal with but I made a promise to myself that I would never deny who I was just to get into good favor with my family. It took more than a decade for them to finally start coming around. I have faith in you. You will be amazed at how strong you can be through this time.
NongreasySweatproof
Slut
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
- Posts
- 191
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
R-Sully -- That's really tough to hear. Be strong. You'll pull through.
To everyone else: yeah, I'm an American of Chinese descent, too, and my parents are warm, affectionate, and are practically hippies. And I'm bi. There's a tendency to think that all Chinese families are really strict, traditional, evil, etc. I'm not discrediting R-Sully (seeing as I know next to nothing about his family). I just want to say that all families are different, before everyone starts bashing on an entire ethnicity. There might be some cultural factors that make Chinese families, on average, more traditional with respect to homosexuality than certain Anglo families (if you ignore the really hyper-conservative, evangelical ones), but I see difficulty accepting homosexuality and other non-traditional identities as being something that a lot of cultures deal with--usually not in the best way. Chinese families can also be really warm and loving, even if the parents don't tend to be as vocal about their love (there's more of a tacit understanding).
Maybe I'm just a little übersensitive because I almost never see any positive coverage about people of Chinese descent in the Western media. And though China is not my country (except by ancestry), I get a little irritated when I see that all the news printed in the U.S. about that country is about how awful and negative it is, even though there are a lot of things that are changing for the better over there that people never hear about. Let me be clear--I'm an American, and China is in no way my country. But still, gross generalizations about that country affect me in a negative way, because everyone who looks sort of like I do gets lumped together as a class, in a lot of people's eyes. This may seem obvious to many of you, but unfortunately, I think the fact that we're all different, and we're all individuals is news to some haters.
I think we should root for R-Sully. His parents DO seem really harsh right now, though I'm not about to pass judgment on them as people (I don't know enough). I have to admit that from what he's written, they do not sound in the least like likeable people. I just hope people don't start bashing my family's culture, because I hear that sort of thing so goddamn much. God help us all.
To everyone else: yeah, I'm an American of Chinese descent, too, and my parents are warm, affectionate, and are practically hippies. And I'm bi. There's a tendency to think that all Chinese families are really strict, traditional, evil, etc. I'm not discrediting R-Sully (seeing as I know next to nothing about his family). I just want to say that all families are different, before everyone starts bashing on an entire ethnicity. There might be some cultural factors that make Chinese families, on average, more traditional with respect to homosexuality than certain Anglo families (if you ignore the really hyper-conservative, evangelical ones), but I see difficulty accepting homosexuality and other non-traditional identities as being something that a lot of cultures deal with--usually not in the best way. Chinese families can also be really warm and loving, even if the parents don't tend to be as vocal about their love (there's more of a tacit understanding).
Maybe I'm just a little übersensitive because I almost never see any positive coverage about people of Chinese descent in the Western media. And though China is not my country (except by ancestry), I get a little irritated when I see that all the news printed in the U.S. about that country is about how awful and negative it is, even though there are a lot of things that are changing for the better over there that people never hear about. Let me be clear--I'm an American, and China is in no way my country. But still, gross generalizations about that country affect me in a negative way, because everyone who looks sort of like I do gets lumped together as a class, in a lot of people's eyes. This may seem obvious to many of you, but unfortunately, I think the fact that we're all different, and we're all individuals is news to some haters.
I think we should root for R-Sully. His parents DO seem really harsh right now, though I'm not about to pass judgment on them as people (I don't know enough). I have to admit that from what he's written, they do not sound in the least like likeable people. I just hope people don't start bashing my family's culture, because I hear that sort of thing so goddamn much. God help us all.
Best wishes man, I hope you can find the strength to make it through this in one piece... dont regret your existence, appreciate the friends you have and fight through this. I dont know the level of pain you are experiencing right now but remember to not let go of who you are.
Hey R, I'm also Chinese and I'm the last of my family's name (not to mention the only son of the oldest son). My parents found out in an awful way and things were terrible. But they didn't kick me out. But we have also had terrible fights.
It sucks that you're out on your own, but right now, you have to focus on getting back on your feet. You need to cut the drugs and figure out a plan to support yourself. Search for a place to live, find a job, etc. Your parents have basically abandoned you, and they may one day try to come around, but that will be later, sicne they need time to process it and you need time and space.
So forget about them for now and focus on getting things stable again.
Good luck, man and keep us updated.
It sucks that you're out on your own, but right now, you have to focus on getting back on your feet. You need to cut the drugs and figure out a plan to support yourself. Search for a place to live, find a job, etc. Your parents have basically abandoned you, and they may one day try to come around, but that will be later, sicne they need time to process it and you need time and space.
So forget about them for now and focus on getting things stable again.
Good luck, man and keep us updated.
NongreasySweatproof
Slut
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
- Posts
- 191
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
Man, there is no time for regret. Life is too short. I'm 9 years older than you, and not a day goes by when I don't think to myself "what if I had done this instead of that." Funny thing about life is, it's much worse to regret something you HAVEN'T done than something you HAVE done (okay, I stole that quote from an Orbital song). And you've just HAVE just done something big that took some guts. I'm sure you've got it in you to make things work out, tiger.
S
slobone
Guest
You may be Chinese-born, but you're going through a very American experience -- pulling up your roots and striking out on your own. Redefining who you are.
So in a way this a great opportunity for you. Obviously it will be difficult at first, especially financially. But the big thing you have going for you right now is that you no longer have to live your life the way your parents want you to. If they've disowned you, if they're not supporting you, why should they have the right to tell you what to do?
You're still pretty young though, and I think it's unrealistic to expect you to make all the right decisions without any input at all from somebody older and wiser.
See if you can find somebody older to mentor you. Maybe a teacher you respect, or a friend of the family? Somebody you feel comfortable with. Or, your school may have a free counseling service. Take advantage of it. Don't try to do everything yourself.
And please keep us all updated. There are a lot of people here who have a lot of different kinds of life experiences. We're not judgmental (most of us) and it would be hard to think of anything you could go through that somebody here hasn't already gone through. So stay in touch.
So in a way this a great opportunity for you. Obviously it will be difficult at first, especially financially. But the big thing you have going for you right now is that you no longer have to live your life the way your parents want you to. If they've disowned you, if they're not supporting you, why should they have the right to tell you what to do?
You're still pretty young though, and I think it's unrealistic to expect you to make all the right decisions without any input at all from somebody older and wiser.
See if you can find somebody older to mentor you. Maybe a teacher you respect, or a friend of the family? Somebody you feel comfortable with. Or, your school may have a free counseling service. Take advantage of it. Don't try to do everything yourself.
And please keep us all updated. There are a lot of people here who have a lot of different kinds of life experiences. We're not judgmental (most of us) and it would be hard to think of anything you could go through that somebody here hasn't already gone through. So stay in touch.
S
slobone
Guest
If you get a degree from a Chinese university, could you get a job outside of China? With a degree from San Francisco State, you can work anywhere, including in China if you want, since you're bilingual and bicultural.
You didn't say how far along you are in school. First year, second year, etc.? That could be a factor too. If you've already taken a lot of Biology courses, you might have to relearn all the vocabulary, etc. in Chinese. Maybe that's not such a big deal.
Also there's the issue of making a big change like that on top of all the other things that are happening to you. Harder to lead an out gay life in China, too, from what I hear. Whereas in San Francisco... needless to say!
You didn't say how far along you are in school. First year, second year, etc.? That could be a factor too. If you've already taken a lot of Biology courses, you might have to relearn all the vocabulary, etc. in Chinese. Maybe that's not such a big deal.
Also there's the issue of making a big change like that on top of all the other things that are happening to you. Harder to lead an out gay life in China, too, from what I hear. Whereas in San Francisco... needless to say!
Sorry to hear about your parents' reaction. But as you pointed out, they haven't totally abandoned you. I've found that at first giving parents news they don't want to hear they have this knee jerk reaction. It tends to last a few weeks. Then they start to think about things a bit more rationally.
First things first... get your life settled, like housing, food, etc. Sounds like you have a great support network of friends which should help a lot. I've always considered my friends equal to my family and that is comforting to have. Keep up with the education b/c you don't want that to slide either. Which sounds like you're doing all of this.
Second, good for you for quitting the pot and steroids. I'd never seen so many steroid users until I moved to CA. They're so bad for your health in so many ways I can't tell you. If you ever are tempted to start them again... talk to me first and I'll tell you all of the reasons to stay off of them.
Last, I like the decision to stay in san fran. The worst thing you can do to their knee jerk reaction is to have a knee jerk reaction of your own. Esp of such a huge step. San fran is well known for it's gay culture so resources are everywhere there for every aspect. Couldn't think of a better place.
At some point I think you'll look back and be glad you told them and hopefully everything will work out well. As I've told others, check out PFLAG (at least they gave you your laptop). There are some great coming out resources there... like what to tell the parents, when to tell them, etc. Some of it you won't need but there are things there that I think might help you deal as well as your parents.
First things first... get your life settled, like housing, food, etc. Sounds like you have a great support network of friends which should help a lot. I've always considered my friends equal to my family and that is comforting to have. Keep up with the education b/c you don't want that to slide either. Which sounds like you're doing all of this.
Second, good for you for quitting the pot and steroids. I'd never seen so many steroid users until I moved to CA. They're so bad for your health in so many ways I can't tell you. If you ever are tempted to start them again... talk to me first and I'll tell you all of the reasons to stay off of them.
Last, I like the decision to stay in san fran. The worst thing you can do to their knee jerk reaction is to have a knee jerk reaction of your own. Esp of such a huge step. San fran is well known for it's gay culture so resources are everywhere there for every aspect. Couldn't think of a better place.
At some point I think you'll look back and be glad you told them and hopefully everything will work out well. As I've told others, check out PFLAG (at least they gave you your laptop). There are some great coming out resources there... like what to tell the parents, when to tell them, etc. Some of it you won't need but there are things there that I think might help you deal as well as your parents.
dkonfrost
This is for you Shaun!
Hey R, 
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been reading the posts, and i'm glad your friend is helping you out.
Despite all this, i am very proud of you that you're gonna stay here and make a life for yourself. You've gone through quite a bit, and you're still standing proud. Good for you dude,
Keep us posted, welcome to JUB, and hold that head high
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been reading the posts, and i'm glad your friend is helping you out.
Despite all this, i am very proud of you that you're gonna stay here and make a life for yourself. You've gone through quite a bit, and you're still standing proud. Good for you dude,
Keep us posted, welcome to JUB, and hold that head high
Studying on things depends on the source for sure. I can find whatever literature I want to hear out there on almost any topic. Mute point though. For Cali, I think it goes along with this whole image thing out here. Whatever.
Sounds like you have a great plan for work and everything. Good luck and keep us informed.
Sounds like you have a great plan for work and everything. Good luck and keep us informed.
Rali_hates_Mondays
Sex God
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2006
- Posts
- 651
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
It seems like you're coping very well at the moment. Just focus on yourself and build yourself up so that your parents have nothing bad to say about you apart from your sexuality.
I think you've also convinced me not to come out to my parents as I'm also Chinese. My parents aren't that traditional but then again they don't have much of an opinion over gays apart from my mum calling gay marriage not natural and my father saying that they carry AIDs- but they said that ages ago. I'm living with them at the moment and I don't think it would be right for me to come out now.
Really focus now on building up your friendships or making your current ones stronger. It seems that you can't rely much on your parents and with strong friendships you will become socially independent from them.
I think you've also convinced me not to come out to my parents as I'm also Chinese. My parents aren't that traditional but then again they don't have much of an opinion over gays apart from my mum calling gay marriage not natural and my father saying that they carry AIDs- but they said that ages ago. I'm living with them at the moment and I don't think it would be right for me to come out now.
Really focus now on building up your friendships or making your current ones stronger. It seems that you can't rely much on your parents and with strong friendships you will become socially independent from them.
S
slobone
Guest
Good idea to stay in touch with your parents, but I'm not sure "confront" is the way to go. Why don't you try re-establishing normal relations first? Then later you can have another talk.
Just stop by and say hello, don't bring up the issue of gayness. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure there would just be another screaming fight, which you don't need right now.
They might bring it up themselves, but you can't help that.
You've told them you're gay, they don't need to be reminded. So just give them some time to deal with it in their own way. In the meantime, show them that you're still their son and you haven't abandoned them. They'll appreciate that, even if they're still angry.
Just stop by and say hello, don't bring up the issue of gayness. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure there would just be another screaming fight, which you don't need right now.
They might bring it up themselves, but you can't help that.
You've told them you're gay, they don't need to be reminded. So just give them some time to deal with it in their own way. In the meantime, show them that you're still their son and you haven't abandoned them. They'll appreciate that, even if they're still angry.
Good luck, R-Sully. And, welcome to JUB and this forum. I am glad you are here. You are among friends--friends who understand and who have been through similar things themselves at times.
I have nothing to add to the excellent comments and advice that have been offered by other, more knowledgeable, members of the forum (thanks to you all). I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wish you the best as you adjust to having your parents know this information. I think they will come around, eventually, because I bet they love you and that love will win out over culture. It might take a while, but they will eventually get used to the idea and love you still.
Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. We care.
I have nothing to add to the excellent comments and advice that have been offered by other, more knowledgeable, members of the forum (thanks to you all). I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wish you the best as you adjust to having your parents know this information. I think they will come around, eventually, because I bet they love you and that love will win out over culture. It might take a while, but they will eventually get used to the idea and love you still.
Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. We care.
S
slobone
Guest
Hi Ross --
That's amazing, great great news. What a happy ending! Brought tears to my eyes.
I've always heard that family is the most important thing to Chinese people, and I think you would have been devastated to lose yours.
Your parents turn out to be pretty cool after all! Maybe living in San Francisco has given them a different perspective.
And now you don't have all that anxiety about money, etc. Really, I'm so happy for you.
And I guess I can still give you one more little piece of advice, which you probably don't need, which is not to give your parents Too Much Information about your gay life. They've accepted you as you are, that's enough for now.
If you get a serious boyfriend, that's a different story, but in the meantime they don't need to know about every guy you meet or everywhere you go to hang out.
But again, congratulations dude, I'll bet you're breathing a big sigh of relief.
That's amazing, great great news. What a happy ending! Brought tears to my eyes.
I've always heard that family is the most important thing to Chinese people, and I think you would have been devastated to lose yours.
Your parents turn out to be pretty cool after all! Maybe living in San Francisco has given them a different perspective.
And now you don't have all that anxiety about money, etc. Really, I'm so happy for you.
And I guess I can still give you one more little piece of advice, which you probably don't need, which is not to give your parents Too Much Information about your gay life. They've accepted you as you are, that's enough for now.
If you get a serious boyfriend, that's a different story, but in the meantime they don't need to know about every guy you meet or everywhere you go to hang out.
But again, congratulations dude, I'll bet you're breathing a big sigh of relief.
Congrats Ross!! Sounds like their knee-jerk reaction phase is over and they've come to their senses. That's great news. And I'm sure you're relieved as well to not have to worry about the basics in life anymore. So happy for you!!!
dkonfrost
This is for you Shaun!
Ross, that is WONDERFUL news!!!!
soooooooo happy for ya dude!
soooooooo happy for ya dude!
