Rejection HURTS!

[G-Lexington]

Of course rejection hurts. I don't mention that because I assume people don't need to be told that. I DO think they need to be told that if they're rejected, that doesn't mean they're in the wrong.

But think about this. Your longterm friend freaked out when you told him you were gay. Hell, you're not just gay - you're PARTNERED. That's a hell of a thing to keep from somebody. Think of any of your really close, pinky-promise friends who are married...and imagine them NEVER telling you that they're married, or even mentioning their wife in any way shape or form. I don't know how you managed to keep it from your friend for that long, but I can see how it could've come as somewhat of a shock. Let him mull it over, keep the lines of communication open, and see what happens.

Lex

 

[puka-pride]

i know a lot of people that reacted that way when they first found out about me...

it was more they were jsut shocked about not realising it on their own and in general being stupid

all of em snapped out of it eventually

my sisters didn't talk to me for 3 months.... but they are cool now

 

[KaraBulut]

"If they don't accept you, then you don't need them."
"fuck 'em if they can't accept you"

What prompts this outburst?

Last night, I told a long time friend of mine that I was gay and he freaked out. Didn't say much, but the fact that he suddenly got tired immediately after and said he would talk to me later pretty much said it all.

You know, after all the shit that guys go through in their personal coming out process, to deal with the ignorance and small-mindedness of others is just a nuisance- even if they are a "friend".

Yes, the true test of friendship is whether your friends are willing to accept you for who you are.

It can also be argued that the true test of friendship is whether you're willing to trust your friends enough to be honest with them.

So, you were willing to trust your friend. Time will tell whether he's a real friend and will accept you for who you are.

 

[3nipples]

To be fair, your friend has some issues to deal with as a result of you telling him. It's not only about you.

There are a lot of feelings and memories that he has to re-examine in a new light. There may also be a feelings of betrayal, that you were pretending to be someone else to him, that you didn't trust him. He also has no concept of how difficult this is for you.

I hope he comes around, but yeah, overall you're right: it's not fair and it sucks!

 

[backpacker]

I'm sorry your friend didn't give you the response you wanted. Unfortunately not everyone knows how to deal with such a disclosure. While certainly not a perfect response, I don't think he handled it poorly. He probably didn't know how to react and needs some time to comprehend your revelation. I wouldn't go writing this friendship off yet.

All those cliches are for people who tell you to go f-off and things like that. We all understand that rejection hurts. We know that getting over a loss of a friend isn't easy and it will take time. Those cliches are true, give people a different prospective, often help reduce the pain and make it a little easier to move on. Therefore I conclude that the cliches are good, even if they are cliches.

 

[Lube]

I was gonna write a really long post, but everyone already said what I was going to say.

I will add that all out guys have been where you are. We really feel for you. But you will get over it if he doesn't come back. It is painful. That's why it's so hard to come out: you have to reach a threshold of internal pain that it's worth some external pain to resolve.

He may come back. He may even have a crush on you. Regardless, you have learned about other people and you have learned about yourself, and you are a stronger, wiser person for it.

Good luck. I'm sure it's very painful. We're all with you.

 

[Muscles4daze]

so you learn how to be in control of your emotions instead of letting them run your life which is what a lot of young (and some older) gay men seem to do, slaves to their unhealthy emotions.

I must admit that has been my problem for a very long time, but I am making a major effort to work on it.

 

[KingofFaeries]

First off, you came off very argumentative in your original post. Just as an fyi.

Second, at least he didn't try to kill you, so be happy for the small things in life

Third, so what... I know not the typical cliche. But you know what if you were really truly oh so scared of losing this friend you think isn't accepting you then you wouldn't have come out in the first place. So either be prepared for some adverse reactions sometimes, or stay in the closet. It really is that simply. Pick the lesser of two evils kinda situation.

 

[ontheroad]

Maybe he was just hurt because you lied about who you were for years and years to him, and he was just disappointed about that. Who knows, it could be a number of things. I personally think he took it pretty normally. Give him a few days or weeks to process it, and see how it turns out.

it doesn't mean he lied... it means he wasn't ready to come out to him.

 

[Mr.Tisdale]

of course rejection hurts, i've been rejected 4 times and that's not a good feeling

 

[3nipples]

it doesn't mean he lied... it means he wasn't ready to come out to him.

Yes, but that's often perceived as lying by a friend who thought he knew you, at least until he has the chance to digest the news and starts to see it from your perspective.