Relationship advice needed

[Devinjv18]

Hey guys new member here from LA, California and really hoping to get some advice here, this is kind of long so bear with me.

A little about me, I just turned 18 last month and so far I have had 1 other relationship and it lasted 2 years.

So a couple of days after my 18th birthday I downloaded grindr, now I wasn't naive I knew all the horror stories about grindr and I was on the app almost 2 months and it was the same thing everyday men twice my age messaging me and the usual unsolicited nude pics.

Just when I was about to give up this guy messaged me and at first I was thinking oh great just another DL loser because he cropped his face out of the photo, but we started talking and he basically said his reasoning for that was he only approaches people that he has an interest in and doesn't feel the need to have his face on display.

We talk everyday for the last week and we are starting to fall hard for each other, and he really seems like the perfect guy he is not into the scene and really wants something permanent, he really seems like a real man in every sense of the word and I don't mean just because he's masculine, he's had me on the phone when he was hanging out with his straight guy friends and he literally passed the phone around to each of them and they all said oh he's told me so much about you we can't wait to meet you as well, that's what I mean by a real man he has no shame about being gay at all even though by appearance and how he acts you'd expect him to be a bro with a masculinity complex but it's not the case at all, he's just a normal guy like me that is totally comfortable with himself which is so rare to find.

Anyway last night he said something that freaked me out a little he said he loved me on FaceTime and we both deleted our grindr on there for each other, now I honestly feel like I love him too even though today is going to be our first in person meeting.

My question is, is this just way too fast? So far our date we have planned is just going to be us cuddling and talking and him asking me to be his which is kind of unconventional for a first date but honestly something about him feels different and so genuine like I've known him forever and I can totally trust him, is it smart to go with what my heart is telling me which is too just jump into his arms when I see him today, or am I way overdoing this?

 

[LuckysRevenge]

yes its way too fast.

Proceed with caution and ask him to slow down.
You haven't even been on ONE date.

You're really young and lack experience. Take it slow.

 

[kallipolis]

My question is, is this just way too fast? So far our date we have planned is just going to be us cuddling and talking and him asking me to be his which is kind of unconventional for a first date but honestly something about him feels different and so genuine like I've known him forever and I can totally trust him, is it smart to go with what my heart is telling me which is too just jump into his arms when I see him today, or am I way overdoing this?

Much too fast.

Stop planning moves this is not a game of chess.

When you meet face, to face whatever happens, happens...possibly, nothing of a sexual nature....just enjoy the encounter.

Relationships need time, and much effort to take root...

 

[Seasoned]

Many people believe in the fantasy of love and are prone to fall in love " in their head," thus convincing themselves they are, in fact, in love.

We ought to be programmed to say, or better yet, think, " wow, I'm getting all kinds of pleasurable thoughts and feelings; I wonder if this person is someone I could love. I'm going to try to get to know him better and see what happens."

 

[KaraBulut]

You're 18. There are a lot of things that those of us who have been around a bit longer can tell you but there's also some lessons that all of us have to learn the hard way.

One of those lessons is that it is very easy to create a relationship with someone that you've never met. Often these "relationships" burn hot and fast and they burnout as fast, too.

There's an attraction between you and this guy. For now that is all it is. There's a reason that dating and getting to know someone is the way that most people find relationships- because it works. The internet and social apps will never be able to replace the process of spending time with someone and getting to know them.

With that said, it's time that you two meet and figure out whether this is just another grindr thing or whether it's something real. Until you take that step, it's all just an imaginary (and optimistic) situation that you've both created.

 

[Devinjv18]

Update!

I met him yesterday and we just started out talking and holding hands then kissed and we both felt that amazing feeling which I'm hoping could be love, he spent the night we cuddled and talked all night and he was a complete gentleman never once tried to get in my pants or anything like that.

He asked me this morning to be his boyfriend and I said yes, is this too soon? I mean we did have an amazing day and night together.

 

[HipShaker24]

I honestly don't think you're moving too fast. You've talked long prior to meeting and already know each other through phone, etc. You've met and he seemed as legit irl as he was online so you cemented your relationship. It would be different imo if you were only talking for like a few days but in this case it was months.

I think you're doing fine and shouldn't worry man.

 

[bankside]

Devin, love comes from knowing someone very well, so when you say it, you know it's a fact.

You're still getting to know basic things about this person.

There can still be a spark. And maybe this is how love starts. But even when everything goes perfectly and when things go well from the start, it just takes time to get there.

So for many months to come, I think it's fair to say "I hope he will be the one!" And "maybe he is the one!!!" Maybe you can even guess correctly that he is the one. But I don't think you will realistically be able to say you know that for many months.

So give each other time.

Did you mention how old he is?

Does he have much experience with relationships?

I think it's great that you're both into each other. And it is always okay to treat someone new like they have long-term potential. Just realise if you both want to get there it takes a while even when you start things off well.

 

[Ganoderma]

Update! I met him yesterday and we just started out talking and holding hands then kissed and we both felt that amazing feeling which I'm hoping could be love, he spent the night we cuddled and talked all night and he was a complete gentleman never once tried to get in my pants or anything like that. He asked me this morning to be his boyfriend and I said yes, is this too soon? I mean we did have an amazing day and night together.

hi Devinjv18,

Thanks for your update and great to read the meeting in real life / date (or whatever kind of label you put on it) went well. No problem at all that he asked you to become his boyfriend and very good you have said yes.

I hold the opinion that you shoud just do what you feel is a right way to behave. So its not too soon when it feels good & comfortable and relaxed. Please note that there are no fixed rules when guys become boyfriends of each other.

Great you have found a nice guy and I would like to wish both of you good luck.

Take care & best wishes.

 

[Devinjv18]

Thanks for all the nice words everyone!

To answer another poster about age, he is 22 he's had 2 relationships, and I've had 1 so far but my 1 was a 2 year relationship so I'm not totally naive on how to make one work.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, and I'm sorry you're probably going to be offended, but at 18 every one of us was naive on how to make a relationship work.

I know you think that you've had a bunch of experience, but you're so young you simply haven't had the time to get there yet.

Slow down with guys, a lot of what you're saying raises red flags, and yes sometimes you just have to get hurt to learn these lessons, so it's likely you won't listen to us, but you're just starting, why not have fun first, and leave the commitment for later.