Relationship Help

[Twink696]

Hey, guys. Im in a dilemma. Im 20 years old and i have never been in a serious relationship with a guy. Im in college and im out of the closet, I dont know any gay/bi guys in my university (im sure there's many but none of them are friends of mine). I struggle a lot in getting in a relationship because one i dont know any out guy, second if a guy's cute im never sure whether or not I should hit on him because im not sure of his "tendencies". And, finally, the gay guys I meet, on grindr for example, only want sex, and im done with hookups.

I need advice on how to meet guys and how to turn that friendship into a love affair. Plus, if you are in a relationship, tell me how it happened, how you met, etc...

 

[TX-Beau]

Doesn't your University have a gay org? First off, stop trying. Go out, have fun, go wherever the gay men are going and have a good time.

You were a teenager last year, you have plenty of time.

 

[KaraBulut]

...I need advice on how to meet guys and how to turn that friendship into a love affair. Plus, if you are in a relationship, tell me how it happened, how you met, etc...

You're on the right track but a bit of sobering advice: very few people who set out to find a relationship will find a relationship.

Every university has a group of gay people. It's true of the students. It's true of the faculty. You just haven't found them and they haven't found you.

The advice that TX-Beau is giving you is spot-on. Go into this looking to make friends- both of the "hang out/party" variety and the "lifetime friend" variety. If your university doesn't have a gay organization, then just find the music and theater department- there's always plenty of gay people there.

Friendships lead to meeting other people. Friendships lead to going out. Friendships lead to social activities. If there's a boyfriend out there, you'll meet him through friends (and they're likely to give you a character summary about him, whether you want to hear about it or not).

 

[Seasoned]

If your school does not have a LGTBQ center I suggest you call the closest center to look for advice. As I've been in a relationship for 33 years, I've nerver used dating apps so I don't know if any are more "chatty" than others. Also, if you think it prudent, you could share your location right here to possible get more specific tips.

The best advice I can give is be friendly, relaxed and fun loving. Best wishes.

 

[Twink696]

No, there arent gay/LGBT org. Im from Portugal and people tend to be homophobic, forgetting about the existence of gay people among them, they don't regard the comments they make could possibly hurt someone that hears it. Its mostly ignorance, some still think that everyone is straight around them.So, being gay in Portugal (atleast in the places I lived in) is still something to hide. Another thing I struggle is if I find someone attractive and Im not sure about their sexuality, what should I do?

 

[TX-Beau]

There is no sneaky secret way to find out if someone is interested. You ask them out, or you don't. It's really that simple. If you're afraid of doing that, you aren't going to know.

The answer is of course you ask. This really comes down to how willing you are to help yourself. You can Not know and bemoan your fate, or you can be proactive and get on the net and do some research. I just googled "Gay Portugal" here's someplace for you to start looking.

http://gay.portugalconfidential.com/

You will find success in proportion to the effort you expend in helping yourself.

 

[Twink696]

Thanks for the advice, Ill put it to use.

 

[jaysizzles]

Another thing I struggle is if I find someone attractive and Im not sure about their sexuality, what should I do?

Strike up a casual conversation with him about anything in general...if the conversation goes well and he seems receptive, ask him if he's seeing anyone. If he's not, ask if he'd like to go out sometime. If he's straight or not interested, he'll let you know then, and probably feel flattered. You have to put yourself out there and take a chance...eventually it will pay off.

 

[KaraBulut]

...being gay in Portugal (atleast in the places I lived in) is still something to hide. Another thing I struggle is if I find someone attractive and Im not sure about their sexuality, what should I do?

If this were poker, you would be wanting the other player to show their cards while you kept yours hidden.

It is true that parts of Portugal are conservative and religious. However, we've had lots of out members from Portugal on this forum- members who dated,had boyfriends and lots of gay friends.

If you want to meet someone, start up a conversation or introduce yourself.

If you want to know whether someone is gay, be prepared to tell them that you are gay- whether you do it with a subtle sign like a rainbow bracelet or by just saying it.

 

[TX-Beau]

Thanks for the advice, Ill put it to use.

Good for you, do not waste valuable youth on indecision. You should be out there committing the acts that will shock your mother twenty years from now.

 

[Justmarc]

If this were poker, you would be wanting the other player to show their cards while you kept yours hidden.

It is true that parts of Portugal are conservative and religious. However, we've had lots of out members from Portugal on this forum- members who dated,had boyfriends and lots of gay friends.

If you want to meet someone, start up a conversation or introduce yourself.

If you want to know whether someone is gay, be prepared to tell them that you are gay- whether you do it with a subtle sign like a rainbow bracelet or by just saying it.

This... worked for me... I think I am very gay anyway, with or without the rainbow bracelet... ha ha...