Relationship issues

[STEPHEN412]

hello guys, got a few things that i need help with it. here the short version.
Been with partner 9 yrs ( he is 37 and me 36) and we own our own home and been very happy.
I have a friend that is diffidently straight and 26. We been friends cause of my business for yrs. He know I am gay and in a relationship and says it fine and can deal with the topic of me being gay.
OK, so we started hanging out more about 4 months ago. My partner did not say a word about this till we started arguing and then it went to me having a guy friend.
My partner is jealous of him cause of nothing the friend does cause he didnt really come around at the beginning. My partner got jealous cause he is young and attractive and has the same likes as me. I do not find him romantically or physical attractive cause of knowing him and his family. Now about a month ago me and my partner got into a big fight cause of my friend text me alot to see if he can come over and hang out. Well i included my partner in on it but he acts strange around the guy and my friend dont really have anything incommon with him so it odd talks.
the fight turned into my partner now thinks I am cheating on him with this guy cause we hang out. The fight always end with that on every weekend now.My partner and sister was on the phone 2 weeks ago talking about the guy and my partner didnt tell me she called and talked about it till 3 days later. And he said she told him me and the friend were sleeping together and dont trust me. Well i got mad but partner promised i couldnt say anything, but still got mad at him cause he didnt tell me for 3 days about this......now this weekend me and her got into a fight and she leaves me a voicemail about her version of the talk and how my partner told her he kicking me out and he knows i am sleeping with the friend. My sister and patrtner are friends and love each other and it like, who do i believe....family or a boyfriend......
I told my friend all this over the last week and he laughed and said why do they include me in this I am not gay or bi I am just a friend and if this goes on i dont want to be int he middle, so now i will lose a friend and still have trust issues with partner.....and the last 2 weeks my partner and me and friend all hung out to make it appearant nothing is there just a friendship....
I am stuck and need some advice on what to take from it all.....

Can anyone give me some advice?

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

No. I cannot. I am sorry.

 

[screwnutty]

Sounds like your partner is having major trust issues. As for your sister I don't know why she is sticking her nose in your business.

I'd say have a long talk with your partner about this and find out why he doesn't trust you. But I don't think that is going to work. I think the best thing you can do is seek a relationship expert. (ie a therapist)

It might be the only way to solve this problem. This is just my thoughts and hopefully some of the other wiser jubbers will post in here soon.

Take care man and good luck!

 

[Maklaar13]

Jealousy is a terrible thing, you must decide if it is something you can live with. Talk it out with your partner and see if you can iron out the situation.

 

[Orlandude]

This situation is almost "typical" to an extent. You need to clear the air with your partner because something is wrong. For whatever reasons, he is feeling threatened by what he sees as your close friendship with your younger friend. In his mind, the friendship is, perhaps, "too" close for comfort. You also need to talk with your sister and tell her to please stay out of this. She has no business talking about this to your partner, behind your back. She is simply putting "suggestions" in his head that are not there. Bottom line, your relationship is none of her business, family or not. She needs to butt out and keep her mouth shut. I would let her know that you do not appreciate what she is doing and would appreciate her respecting your wishes. If she refuses, I would re-examine your relationship with your sister. She is out of line.

As for your partner, ask him why he feels so threatened to a point of assuming that you are having some kind of "thing" with this younger friend. Yes, there is a trust issue here that is not healthy. I am a firm believer in the fact that there are two sides to every story. I am therefore assuming that YOU have told us the complete and unvarnished truth. If you have somehow acted in a way that would blemish the trust between you and your partner, you need to mend some fences. Even if that means not seeing your younger friend anymore. Sorry. In my view, the "pecking order" is FIRST, your partner, then your family, then your friends.

You said it all in the first paragraph....you HAD a happy relationship until you started spending more time with your friend. That should tell you something, even if it really is an innocent thing. Obviously your partner has reasons to believe otherwise and your sister is simply "feeding" into his thinking. It all needs to come to a head and you are the one that has to resolve it.

 

[racer2438]

1. trust issue problem is there.

2. you may/probly/did give him reason to have trust issue.

3. he is insecure about your relationship between you and him.

4. new friend is a threat to him

5. someone like's Drama

6. str8 guy probly might find this amuzing.

7. sister should shut her trap and mind her own bussiness.

8. look at it from his point of view.

9. you are giving vibe's to b/f that there could be something going on. With out even know or not it could look it it is.

10. you two are partner's other guy is just a friend. You need to stay in your own circle and respect ea other relationship. If you value it, which I am sure you do.

11. Need to talk it out before it gets out of hand.

12. if all else fails:>>read #5 again

 

[Blueboy369]

I had a very similar situation except the straight guy would flirt with both of us! This guy was so close to us that he would come over every weekend. He loved the attention. It became too much and he caused us problems. Something had to give and eventually the friendship died down. We haven't seen him in a long time but my lover and I are still going strong. A relationship needs work and you should try and repair the damage. Sometimes straight guys come in between gay couples. Keep us updated.

 

[rareboy]

Well, you should both grow up a bit.

Your partner should recognize that friends are important and make an effort to include himself in your activities.

You, on the other hand, need to keep in mind that it is not particularly polite or healthy for you to be effectively dating some guy by spending time with him and not including your partner.

And as someone else has pointed out, all of you need to tone down the drama, including your meddlesome and destructive evil sister.

 

[racer2438]

Having friends apart from one's b/f should be normal. You need that to keep it balanced.

I have friends that I hang out with and the same with my b/f. Then we also have our regular friends that we see together on nregular basis.

Sometimes we mingle together sometimes we dont. But that does not stop me from seeing my friends.

We are secure in ourselfs, our relationship, our friends.

We commnuicate well,are honest with each other, love each to hell, and are commitedd to one another.

Thats been our key to our success of being together for 25 yrs now.

We have no need to play games and have drama.

 

[Nagash]

I'd have to disagree with Orlandude here. I mean sure, if your STRAIGHT friend is intentionally causing drama, then he needs to be talked to, but if it's as innocent as you say it is, your bf is the one who has the problem here. Not you.

Say you were to give up your friendship with this guy so that your partner would be at ease. What happens when a new friend comes along? You can't sacrifice every friendship because of a jealous bf.

If your clearly in the right here, you shouldn't have to concede to him by giving up a friendship.

Also, tell the sis to kindly shut her mouth when she doesn't understand what she's talking about.