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Relationship Questions.

B

BiGkAhOoNa

Joined
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Well where to start...

I am in my first real relationship, and have been in it for about 8 months. I met him online through a friend that I had then. And we have been dating ever since then. But the thing is, he lives nearly 1000 miles away and due to issues with college and such I have not been able to live closer to him, but I am planning on moving in with him in October. I can honestly say that I love him, and I know he loves me, but it seems he is a very hot cold person, every time that we get "too close" he seems to pull away and we always end up getting into a fight. To put it bluntly last time he got all weird on me and he cheated on me and then turned it around and got pissed at me for "not trusting him". So we fought for a while but he ended up coming down to see me and we fixed things (this from Feb. through March.) So since then we have been good but now hes being all weird again and basically he told me he might cheat on me again and I'm not sure what to do. He says he would only cheat on me if he was drunk and horny but hes always horny and drunk a lot too. And if he did cheat on me he would tell me so I guess thats a good thing. But as of now I know I want to be with him but I'm just really confused. He thinks I don't trust him, and hes always going from saying we are boyfriends to just friends, and like I said I haven't really been in any real relationship before so I just was wondering if anyone had any advice I would appreciate it.
 
Anytime someone basically says they're going to cheat on you, again, it's time to leave. You don't need this guy. He sounds like a world class loser, not to mention very immature. This is your first relationships and you should not have to put up with that. Please understand that you deserve better.
 
"He says he would only cheat on me if he was drunk and horny."

That's all you need to hear. DTMFA.

Lex
 
I'm sorry he did that you, but you need to be careful, anyone who cheats on you will cheat on you again, basically he doesn't really love you if he's cheating on you. You're only leading yourself on to more heart break by doing this. So try to get out of the relationship FAST. Real relationships are ones where the two are in a faithful, trustful relationship.

It seems there is NO love in the relationship you are in now, and everytime you show in affection he ends up going off on you. It might hurt you to leave him, and it's not worth you traveling to be with him, it's wrong for him to be cheating on you while you sit and do nothing. Don't worry you're doing the right thing if you leave him, you deserve to be in a relationship where your lover actually loves you and is thankful for all the affection you give to him.
 
You need to run away fast! He cheated on you then made out to be your fault?! He will cheat on you again, and again, it is only a matter of time! He can control his drinking if he wants, but sounds like he does not want to. I am sorry your in this relationship. you will need to think very long and hard before moving 1000 miles to be with him. I think he was just looking for a f**k buddy, not a long term relationship!
Sorry to hear this is happening to you!
 
Sounds one sided to me! What kind of a relationship do you want with him? If two people love one another, there are NO excuses for cheating!!! If you move up to where he lives are you expected to sit at home while he is cheating on you???

Relationships are about two people honoring and respecting one another!! (At last that is how I see it!!) If he loves you, then he would not get drunk and cheat on you....he can do that WITH you!!!
 
His reluctance to "get close" and tendancy to seek out sexual relationships while intoxicated suggests to me that he has issues with comittment and low self esteem. These can be overcome if he will recognize them and get professional help. The question is; do you feel he is worth your time and emotional investment? If not, I agree it's time to move on.
 
He isn't going to change or, at least, you should make your decisions on the assumption that nothing that you can say or do is going to change him.

So you have to decide whether you can tolerate his cheating. Not everybody thinks that it's that big a deal, assuming he plays safe. But, if you can't tolerate it and he won't reassure you that he won't cheat, you need to part ways and find someone who shares your views on this issue (and who doesn't have an alcohol problem).

Even if he didn't cheat, it makes no sense to move 1,000 miles or move in with someone you've known for only eight months. Sexual attraction may bring people together, but it doesn't tell you anything about whether they're compatible in other areas, e.g. shared or complementary interests and attitudes. Plus he has to meet you half way.

IMHO you need to spend more time together to see what there is beyond the initial attraction and you need to preagree on or find out any non-negotiable issues.


If things don't work out, it would do you no harm to play relationships with one or two more people to see what works for you and what doesn't.

On the other hand, if you rush things, you're more than likely to find out the hard way. Good luck.
 
The fact that he treats cheating on you with such blase and casualness is a sign that he doesn't think much of your relationship. he's even warning yout hat he might cheat. That means that he's clearly not happy with your relationship and that you deserve better than this.

DUMP HIM NOW!
 
He may like you but he doesn't love you. No matter what he says, his behaviour is clear.
 
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