Relationship/Sex Advice?

[Pure Innocence]

Hi there,
I don't really post on here that much but I lurk quite often. I really need some advice with my current relationship. I'm eighteen, and he's in his mid-twenties and we've been in the relationship for two years (we're from the UK). When we first started dating, it was amazing. There was always time for sexual stuff and he was always really enthusiastic about doing stuff together. Now however, he's just not up to it.
We're both deeply in love but he's never in the mood for sex. He always claims he's tired from work, or will change the conversation if I try to initiate it. If we do have sex (which is now once every few weeks, which I find really hard to cope with as I've got an insanely high sex drive, I could have sex multiple times a day if I could.. and we used to), he doesn't really seem into it and it feels like he's only doing it because I want it. Even if he's hard, he'll still try to avoid it. I know it's nothing to do with my bedroom ability too, as we've spoken about it before and he's assured me it's not that, and just claims he's never in the mood, or he's tired, and that I shouldn't pressure him into it.

We've tried spicing it up with light bondage (hands tied/blindfolds), sex around the house/outside, my foot fetish, playing with whipped cream and stuff, and although I really enjoy it, he seems rather reluctant to repeat it. Almost like it's a chore. I'd be willing to try anything once but he's the opposite and never really wants to try to anything.

Is there anything I could try to turn him on/get him back in the mood?
Thanks,
B.

 

[hanzosword]

Hey Pure Innocence. It sounds to me like your bf might be getting sex from somewhere else. He is young and in his twenties so it doesn't make sense that he has no sex drive. Not even work can lower a young man's sex drive that much.

I hope I'm wrong but I think it's worth looking into. Just take notice of all the little things, who else he hangs out with, see if he is lying to you about anything, etc. I hope it works out for you whatever happens .

 

[G-Lexington]

Then you need to have a full-on talk. Basically, you've tried all sort of things to get him "back in the mood", and none of it is helping. If sex with you has become a burden and a chore to him, then perhaps you need to discuss whether you should be looking elsewhere for that.

Lex

 

[Seasoned]

The way you have presented the issue it seems that he may be getting it elsewhere, or that you are extremely mismatched.

Is there any possibility that he is afraid is is being used? Have you two had conversations about this issue? If not, do so. Maybe he needs more romance to get into the mood.

 

[josher]

You're 18 and you've been a member here since 2006?

Anyway, I suspect he's found another sexual outlet, or else you just wear him out emotionally.

 

[Lube]

Yep, he's got someone on the side.

Is there any specific reason he's hanging on? Finances? A place to live?

 

[Pure Innocence]

Thanks for the suggestions, much appreciated.
He definitely hasn't got someone else, there's no way he could. I moved in last year and I see him pretty much the rest of the time he's not at work, or at the pub with mates (which is what? once every week or so). He's the one with previous sexual experience anyway, and a lot of it, whereas I was a virgin when we met. Maybe that's something to do with it?
An open relationship is definitely a no, he's admitted that before.
Everytime we talk about it, it's the same. He says he's too tired for it and to wait for the weekend. Then he'll be too busy at the weekend for it. He then blames me sayin I'm pressuring him into sex when I'm not, I try to initiate the same way any guy would. It's really difficult to deal with, as silly as it sounds.

&yeah, I signed up years ago and never came on, but only rediscovered the site recently.

 

[Lube]

Is work very stressful? Worried about losing his job?

We can only give advice based on what you perceive and how you convey that to us. You need to look for clues. Do you guys go out much? Is he distant in other ways?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>He says he's too tired for it and to wait for the weekend. Then he'll be too busy at the weekend for it. He then blames me sayin I'm pressuring him into sex when I'm not.

You are pressuring him into sex, actually. But nobody would consider your "demands" unreasonable. It's not like you're insisting he cut his work hours so you can spend more than four hours screwing each night, for God's sake. I'd say you need to give it one more try. Sit down and tell him (away from the bedroom) that you appreciate how much he's working, but that you're simply not getting anywhere near enough sex here. You're willing to compromise, but he's got to budge from his "whateverness". Either he makes an effort to make an effort, or he frees you up to look elsewhere for it.

Lex