Relationship sex advice

[Jamesbraxter]

Hello,
I am having a problem with sex in my relationship, here is the dilemma:

My boyfriend has a nice dick (9 inches, cut, and the perfect shape) but he is TERRIBLE at using it. Words cannot describe how boring sex is with him. I have been with him for just over a year now and about four months ago I began to avoid having sex with him. We now have sex maybe once every other week.

To sum it up, all he does is put his penis in my booty and then just lays on top of me and thrusts his hips - moans a bit and then tells me he loves me. (He has a really nice dick and anybody else with a dick like his willingly throws it around in a bottom - like I am used to).

To me this is not exciting. I am a bottom and I am used to being treated as such from dominant men that want to beat some ass up and bust a good nut. I love to be teased, I love to beg for the dick, I love to have it all night, I love to be pounded, I love to be talked dirty to, I love to be pinned down, I love to be thrown around, I love to be dominated, I love the feeling of dick in my ass, I LOVE TO BE A TRUE BOTTOM.

I have broached this topic with him multiple times (somewhat inconspicuously and ambiguously - I have not flat out told him he is absolutely the most boring thing I have experienced in bed) and he is adamant that he is unwilling to step out of his boundaries/comfort zone. He claims his old partners turned from being full tops to full bottoms with the magic of his dick but I just cannot believe it.

I want to discuss this with him and improve our sex life. I wouldn't mind having sex multiple times a day - but not if it is boring!

Any suggestions as to how I can fix this problem would be appreciated.

Thank you!

 

[LuckysRevenge]

You need to talk to him. And not inconspicuously and ambiguously. This problem isn't just about sex, it's about communication.

Let him know this is a problem in the relationship but do it without blaming him or making it seem like it is his fault. Then discuss how you can work it out.

No one here can give you answers. No matter what strategies or techniques we tell you, the problem of lack of communication will still be there.

 

[Jamesbraxter]

You are right. I suppose I am really looking for answers on how to broach the topic and improve our sex life. I think to him sex is more about passion and love. To me it somewhat encompasses passion and love but it is more of a physical feeling to me.

 

[Telstra]

A dick in the ass is not that good but
if you really likes it that much, use sex toys.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Can't you take charge as a bottom? I like to push my men against a wall so they go in extra deep...

 

[Jamesbraxter]

Well to me, dick in my ass is the best feeling - but only when its being used right. I think it is a psychological problem as well. I am not used to be cradled and loved-on when I have sex - it just makes me uncomfortable.
I have tried to take charge of the situation, however, he just does not seem to get the point.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

You are right. I suppose I am really looking for answers on how to broach the topic and improve our sex life. I think to him sex is more about passion and love. To me it somewhat encompasses passion and love but it is more of a physical feeling to me.

Just say that you want to talk to him. Sit down and have a conversation. There really is no right or wrong way to bring it up.

Also, you might have to consider if this is a deal breaker. Being satisfied is essential to a successful relationship.

 

[Jamesbraxter]

Just say that you want to talk to him. Sit down and have a conversation. There really is no right or wrong way to bring it up.

Also, you might have to consider if this is a deal breaker. Being satisfied is essential to a successful relationship.

He is just sensitive so I cannot be blunt and express to him that he is not reaching his full potential. Perhaps I have been spoiled in the past. I am about to broach the topic with him - I will let you know the resolution.

 

[checkinthingsout]

He is just sensitive so I cannot be blunt and express to him that he is not reaching his full potential. Perhaps I have been spoiled in the past. I am about to broach the topic with him - I will let you know the resolution.

Maybe instead of approaching it by telling him what he is and isn't doing wrong in a formal sit down conversation, maybe during foreplay or during casual intimacy clearly state what you like when a guy does to you in bed/your deepest "fantasies" (i.e. "I keep having this dream about you choking me with your arm while you are fucking me from behind. It makes my dick hard as a rock).

These type of hints can help to broaden his horizon, provide concrete suggestions of your "fantasies" a.k.a what you want him to do in bed, and you do not have to batter anyone's ego.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe instead of approaching it by telling him what he is and isn't doing wrong in a formal sit down conversation, maybe during foreplay or during casual intimacy clearly state what you like when a guy does to you in bed/your deepest "fantasies" (i.e. "I keep having this dream about you choking me with your arm while you are fucking me from behind. It makes my dick hard as a rock).

^This.

My boyfriend has a nice dick (9 inches, cut, and the perfect shape) but he is TERRIBLE at using it.

Here's the problem: it's not just your boyfriend that is the issue. It's you, too.

You have needs and you have fantasies and you want your boyfriend to "know" so that he can meet your definition of a good lover.

Speak up. Don't make this about him. Make it about you. Don't make it about what he isn't doing; make it about what you want him to do to you.

Talk about his big dick and how you love it in your ass. If you want to go all Fifty Shades, then be specific about exactly what you want him to do to you and how you want him to do it to you. Talk about your needs and your fantasies and what you want from him.

If you have an honest discussion about the issue, there may be more to the story. A lot of guys with big dicks are often worried about hurting inexperienced bottoms and they may have had issues in the past where guys told them they were too rough. He may just be uptight and no one has ever challenged him on his boundaries.

 

[nycguydowntown]

^^^^^agree with KaraBulut---but if talking doesn't work maybe he's not the aggressive top of your dreams. He sounds like he wants to make sweet love and you sound like you want your ass pounded. Maybe you are not compatible.

 

[Seasoned]

You have said that he's unwilling to leave his comfort zone. So you have that issue. The second one is the big dick myth, meaning it's not just about size. The third is the fact the two of you have been at this for a year so a pattern has developed.

Be blunt. Tell him you want more adventure. Tease him. Edge him. Start and stop. Some people have a difficult time being aggressive. He may have scared off old partners by being too rough.

You can try role playing with him so he imagines himself as someone else. That may make things easier. You may find a porno that shows what you want, but unless he's turned on he may find it silly, stupid or even a turn off.

Lastly, there's therapy, where a professional will give him permission to go all crazy on his consensual partner. Good luck!

 

[bankside]

To me this is not exciting. I am a bottom and I am used to being treated as such from dominant men that want to beat some ass up and bust a good nut. I love to be teased, I love to beg for the dick, I love to have it all night, I love to be pounded, I love to be talked dirty to, I love to be pinned down, I love to be thrown around, I love to be dominated, I love the feeling of dick in my ass, I LOVE TO BE A TRUE BOTTOM.

The thing is to him, it is exciting. And to me, all that stuff you like about being used and dominated and treated like a "true bottom" is....boring. Incredibly boring. If my guy pulled that on me I'd honestly be like "wtf are you doing? just fuck! ..stop the act." I would have a hard time not finding it ridiculous, and it's hard to get into the sexx when you're trying to stop yourself from laughing.

Just mentioning it because no two people are ever going to agree on exactly what is boring or exciting. Sex for your guy is not about role-playing some kind of dominance scene. Maybe your fetish for it seems about as strange to him as if you asked him to sing "take me out to the ballgame" halfway through every fuck.

There's nothing wrong with what you like, but you need to see that there is nothing wrong with what he likes either. He likes having a straightforward pure fuck, all pleasure and no acting. And you need to see that before you talk with him about it. I actually doubt he is terrible at it, he's just a man with different interests than you chose to assume when you met.

I want to discuss this with him and improve our sex life. I wouldn't mind having sex multiple times a day

Discussing is definitely a smart idea. Once you accept he's fucking you that way because that's how he actually wants to fuck you, then it's your job to teach him what you like.

And you need to do it by encouraging what you want, not complaining about what he likes. And then you need to do as much for him as you want him to do for you.

So tell him you love a basic simple straight-up fuck. And you get into it and you deliver him a plain-old vanilla fuck and do a good job of it. Then tell him you're horny to get fucked more often maybe even more than once a day. Tell him you've been feeling more submissive than usual lately and you want him to push things with you because you enjoy that feeling.

And then let him fuck you that way. He's probably not going to do it the way you want at first or go as far as you want at first. But you're going to suck it up and thank him for it, which is what you should be doing as a submissive anyway. And let him get a bit bolder and push you a bit farther. Every time he pushes a little bit more, you're going to show him how grateful you are. And like a good little sub, you're going to wait patiently until you've earned the kind of fuck you want and he decides to give it to you, fully knowing how you want it. And keep mixing it up with the plain old regular fucks that he knows and loves, because you have to give that to him, if you want him to give something more to you. It's only fair.

 

[peeonme]

If you guys watch porn together try finding something that will depict what you like and that inspire him .
A picture is worth a thousand words...

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Why not just put him on his back so he can just lay there like He wants, and then you ride him how you want it.

Be an aggressive bottom to his passive top.