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Relationship Wrecker

tallguy297 said:
Mate you've made some huge strides here. You're not the sort of guy to give up cause it all seems too hard. This is something you deserve and you have to keep fighting for.
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I am the type of person who gives up when things get to hard. I always have been and there's a part of me that just wants to give up on this as well even though I know that I'm lucky to have someone that cares about me so much, to sick by me through all of this.

I just don't know if I want to keep fighting for this any more.
 
I am the type of person who gives up when things get to hard.
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Well mate...I'm not so sure. You are here. You are asking for help. You have spoken to your bf, you've sought proffesional advice. Those are signs of someone seeking reassurance that its worth the effort...not the signs of a quitter.

You're not wrong to have doubts or question whether its worth the fight. Thats normal human nature to take the easy way out. Hell we are all guilty of that...

Kester...you have to ask yourself this. Is this how you want your life to be? A struggle? Hard work? Full of self doubt? If you truly believe that you give up when its too hard...is that something that you want to keep doing?

Now is the time for you to stand up. Nows the time to make some changes and regain the upper hand in your battle with yourself...because mate right now you are the only one who doubts your value...and doubts whether or not you deserve happiness safety comfort and love.

You do have the support of someone to help you and guide you. You have the support of your bf, your gp...and for what its worth...us. Dont be afraid to be afraid. Dont think that you cant be scared. They are all ok feelings to have...but they are feelings that you cant let control you're life.

I believe in you. I believe in your worth, your decency and your value. I know that you are struggling to believe in yourself...but you have to start to change the way you think. If your value is obvious to a complete stranger than its worth a whole lot more to others who know you a lot better than I.

Fight the fight mate. For those of us who believe. For those who care. For your bf. But most of all Kester...fight for yourself. You're worth the effort. You're worth happiness...a life of trust openness and support. Do it. Do it for yourself.
 
tallguy297 said:
Kester...you have to ask yourself this. Is this how you want your life to be? A struggle? Hard work? Full of self doubt? If you truly believe that you give up when its too hard...is that something that you want to keep doing?
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I don't want to keep living like this, feeling like complete shit all the time. I want to be happy and enjoy my life. But thats not how I feel at all. And I don't want to just give up on this like I do everything else but I feel like I am starting to give up.

Thats what I think all of this is really about. I don't think this is really about me always screwing up my relationships, not all of it. I think it's really about me giving up on things and I don't know why I do that either.

I don't know what else to say, I just feel so lost with everything.
 
Kester, the doctor recommended that you go and see someone to talk things through, but you haven't actually said that you've arranged this yet. A professional counsellor will be able to pin-point exactly what's going on and guide you in an alternative direction.

It's pretty common for people to feel that they aren't good enough. I wonder what your relationship with your parents is like?
 
My relationship with my parents is OK, it's not great but I get by. I haven't gone an spoken to any kind of professional councellor about anything. I just, I don't do that. I don't feel comfortable just opening up to people and talking to them about things, even if I know that it is probably what I should do because it would be for the best. I just can't do that.
 
I think people have been too easy on you, which I see in this thread as well.

Life is not easy, it's tough. And your life, each of our lives, is a result of our choices, the action we took and the inaction we allowed.

You get one life, this is it. It's not a rehearsal and it's not a preview. It's also not a single event, it's a journey and everything you do becomes a step in that journey -- so where you end up is where YOU took yourself.

You accept mediocrity because it's easy, not because that's the way you are. We ALL would love to take the easy way, but easy is not the same as better and if you don't put in the work you won't get the paycheck.

I think you're ruining relationships out of laziness and because you want someone else to do the work, you want things to be easy. Well they're not. A good relationship, which will give you more than you could possibly dream, takes effort.

So do the tough work of making the changes you need to make. You don't need drugs, you need to figure out what you want and then make it happen. That's what will make your self-esteem and confidence grow. And THEN you'll feel good, you'll feel powerful, you'll feel in control of your life, you'll be a partner with lovers and friends in relationships that are strong and satisfying and nurturing.

Eat good food, not crap. Get some exercise. Spend time with your thoughts, without distraction, so you know what you want.

Nobody who has a wonderful life had it handed to them while they moaned that they didn't feel like doing the work.

Start today. Start right now.
 
I think people have been too easy on you, which I see in this thread as well.
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Life is not easy, it's tough. And your life, each of our lives, is a result of our choices, the action we took and the inaction we allowed.
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You accept mediocrity because it's easy, not because that's the way you are.
I think you're ruining relationships out of laziness and because you want someone else to do the work, you want things to be easy.
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I know that life isn't easy and that the actions that I take are always going to have an affect on something else.

I don't ruin relationships out of laziness, I would never do that. I love him more than anything to ruin it simply because I can't be bothered putting the work into it.

Maybe your right, I don't know what I think anymore. Thanks for you help, I appreciate it.
 
Kester said:
My relationship with my parents is OK, it's not great but I get by. I haven't gone an spoken to any kind of professional councellor about anything. I just, I don't do that. I don't feel comfortable just opening up to people and talking to them about things, even if I know that it is probably what I should do because it would be for the best. I just can't do that.
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For this very reason you would benefit from therapy. You could practice taking small risks and opening up just a little and then see that nothing bad happens, that you are not criticised or ridiculed or told that you don't have a right to feel the way you do. Sometimes that's the major benefit of therapy, the process itself.

You might consider just trying to open up a little more with your bf, perhaps just telling him what you are feeling once in a while without going into great detail. Even just saying "I'm feeling confused today" and knowing that someone else knows how you feel can be powerful. Try to avoid dissecting how you feel and why you feel that way. Just start by making simple statements and then let it be. See first if you can trust him with that much. If that goes well, you will start to open up naturally.
 
I'm going take your advice and try opening up to my boyfriend and seeing how that goes. I just feel so guilty rhat I have put him through so much and he hasn't walked away or asked for anything in return. I owe him more than I can ever give him.
 
Kester: I'm a lot older than you. And like an idiot I did pretty much the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I think I was afraid of being hurt somewhere down the road when he got tired of me. So instead I pushed him away. When I tried to say that I was sorry he just cut me off completely, it hurt for a while, but I hope that next time when I get the same feelings I don't do the same thing.
 
dougmc said:
I think I was afraid of being hurt somewhere down the road when he got tired of me.
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That's pretty much how I feel. And it's stupid to feel like that becuase I love him so much and I know that he loves me and that he isn't just going to pack up and leave me. I know that he'll stay with me through everything but I feel like I'm hurting him more and more each day so I keep pushing him away.

We've talked about things, about a lot of things and he said that I'm going to get through this and that he is going to be with me doing everything he can to make sure that I'm alright.

I just have to have hope.
 
Kester said:
That's pretty much how I feel. And it's stupid to feel like that becuase I love him so much and I know that he loves me and that he isn't just going to pack up and leave me. I know that he'll stay with me through everything but I feel like I'm hurting him more and more each day so I keep pushing him away.

We've talked about things, about a lot of things and he said that I'm going to get through this and that he is going to be with me doing everything he can to make sure that I'm alright.

I just have to have hope.
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Think about it like this:

If you push him away, you are guaranteed to lose.

If you don't, you have a chance at something great.
 
MindBlast said:
Think about it like this:

If you push him away, you are guaranteed to lose.

If you don't, you have a chance at something great.
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I know I've got it great. I have a great guy who loves me no matter what my flaws are. I have someone who is willing to stick by me no matter what happens and no matter how messed up I may be. I'm lucky to have that.

Maybe that is what I have to keep telling myself. Focus on the good things, not the bad. I still don't know why I do what I do but, for now I have someone who is willing to stick by me, and maybe that's enough.
 
Maybe that is what I have to keep telling myself. Focus on the good things, not the bad. I still don't know why I do what I do but, for now I have someone who is willing to stick by me, and maybe that's enough.
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Now you're talking mate. YOU are the only one who can decide to turn this stuff around.

Go for it!!!
 
I don't really know why I'm posting this but I just need to clear my head.

The last couple of months everything has been going really well with my boyfriend and I. I've been feeling really safe and secure and I had been totally content with everything.

But these last few weeks I just feel so empty and I am starting to feel the same way that I was when I first started this thread. I don't know what has changed to make me feel this way but I am starting to think that if everything goes back to the way it was before, then my boyfriend will just up and leave because he doesn't need to put with my crap again. I'm just afraid that I am going to lose him for good.
 
It is called a self fulfilling prophesy. You " think" you already know what is going to happens so you make it happen. Then you can say, "See, I told you so."

Your boyfriend sounds like he is worth all the angst. You really need to go to a therepist and that maybe he should go also. The two of you talking this out with a neutral third party is the best thing for you both.

Believe me it will make you stronger. Please do not waste any more of your precious youth feeling this way. Life is too short.....

Mac
 
It sounds like depression to me. This may be long standing in your life and could be due to very old issues that have nothing to do with your boyfriend.

Rather than look at him as the cause of it I would get some help and look inside myself if I were you. There's probably a lot of old, unresolved pain there.
 
Riverrick said:
It sounds like depression to me.
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I am depressed, I've been diagnosed with having it and I have been on medication for the last 4 months. Everything was just going so well and I felt like I had gotten over whatever it was that was causing me to feel like this. But now, just out of no where it has started up again.
 
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