Relationships, do they truly exist?

[demolay]

I was reading another thread earlier and I realized that I'm not totally sure that most people can commit to long-term relationships. This is also coming from personal experience, My boyfriend left me Wednesday. I come home from work to find a note and the mail key. I already posted a thread about that, so I wont bother you with that.

It really upsets me that people are able to do that, justify in their own heads that what they are doing is ok. I wish more people were relationship oriented, I don't think I can trust anybody again after what he did. How do you commit to somebody, then decide ok, I'm done with my perfect relationship... its time to live in San Diego.

Sorry I'm ranting, I hope that a few good people still exist so that people like me can find them.

Dom

 

[M4P]

Hi Dom

I'm sorry your BF left you and I must say he did it in a cowardly way

Relationships do exist and there are lots of guys out there, just like you and me, who want good committed relationships

I wish you the best of luck

 

[Orlandude]

Unfortunately, when you love and let your heart go, you also take the risk of getting hurt. Comes with the territory. Some relationships work, some don't...for whatever reasons. Sometimes it is better to let go and move on than try to figure out why. The way he left you was inconsiderate and selfish. That, in itself, speaks volumes about his character. The worst thing you can do is give up and refuse to get involved in another relationship, for fear of getting hurt. Learn from your relationships. There is someone out there for you who feels the way you do and wants what you want. Just get back in circulation so you can find him but go slow. Too many people jump into relationships too quickly and for all the wrong reasons. I'm not saying you did, but really get to know someone WELL before you think about having a relationship.

There are a lot of good people out there. You may have to kiss a lot of toads before you find Prince Charming!

 

[G-Lexington]

Your perfect relationship obviously was a far cry from perfect, at least from his point of view. There wasn't even a "falling apart" section - he just up and walked out. Sorry about that.

Pubert and I have been together almost a decade. This of course doesn't mean that he won't up and leave tomorrow, or next week, or next year. There are no guarantees. But we appear to be on solid footing, and we both take steps to make sure each other is happy with things.

Lex

 

[miketlow]

Sorry for what happened to you....we all have or will go through that....but YES relationships work!!!

1st stop looking for one..the moment I did I found the right one and now I'm getting ready to get married.....

2nd know yourself....Also remember that what you want may not come in the package you prefer.....

3rd...You have to figure out what you want and seek some one who offers it...
You will find it so for now just enjoy your freedom and enjoy being young

 

[Oden_grey]

I was reading another thread earlier and I realized that I'm not totally sure that most people can commit to long-term relationships. This is also coming from personal experience, My boyfriend left me Wednesday. I come home from work to find a note and the mail key. I already posted a thread about that, so I wont bother you with that.

It really upsets me that people are able to do that, justify in their own heads that what they are doing is ok. I wish more people were relationship oriented, I don't think I can trust anybody again after what he did. How do you commit to somebody, then decide ok, I'm done with my perfect relationship... its time to live in San Diego.

Sorry I'm ranting, I hope that a few good people still exist so that people like me can find them.

Dom

Ah, the great mystery of love and devotion! I've seen everything break up relationships from trivial things like being bored with the relationship to more complicated things such as fear or mistrust. Be glad that you had a chance at love, because so many here have yet to be in their first relationship. Worst yet, there are people who have died without sharing their first kiss with someone they care for.

You are indeed the prime example of how simply being in a relationship does not prevent disaster and loneliness. Love is such a delicate and fragile thing... we have it one moment... then it shatters and falls through the cracks the next.

Finding someone truly worthy of your heart is a long endeavor and seeking such a person would not be a wasted life, but it will be a lonely one.

 

[Jory]

For some they do and other they are just fairy tales.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Dom,

First... welcome to JUB. Its great to have you here and awesome to see you post... especially about something so raw and personal right now. Its a courageous thing to do and shows a pretty special guy.

Mate... relationships exist, they do. Its a question that most of us who want one grapple with constantly... but spend some real time here on JUB and you'll met everyone from guys who have perfected the art of one night stands to guys who have been in committed relationships for half a life time! And Dom... you'd never pick who is who until you get to know them too!!!

Mate...add these questions to your list...

Do they exist?
YES YES YES

Are they rare?
Maybe but probably not as much as you think.

Are they perfect?
Not usually... but we like to imagine they should be and often end up disappointed because we tend to be unrealistic.

Do they take work?
Hell yes. And thats where reality comes in - see above.

Whats a relationship?
Whatever you want it to be. Theres no rules. No right or wrong. What works for you may not work for anyone else. What ever makes you happy as both individuals and as a couple forms a relationship.

Why do they go wrong?
Dunno... 2 reasons I guess.
1. We stop working at them. We take each other for granted and we forget what drew us together in the first place. We stop making the effort to do the little things that in the beginning were effortless.
2. We change.

Dom, life is an evolution. Everyday we face new challenges, some big some small. We take little steps towards being fuller, more complete and more content people. Its a cliche, but life is a journey.

And often along the way people come and go from our lives - some make a huge mark, others are forgotten quickly. Some are people who will influence the way you think and act forever and others are people you'll forget as soon as you turn away.

You Dom, are on that journey right now. And it sounds to me like you are a loyal, loving, open, caring and honest guy. Someone who's at a place on his journey to share all he is - to let someone into his life to enhance both your lives. Thats a beautiful place to be in mate it really is.

But sadly mate, your ex wasn't. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter how he left - it gets you no where to analyse and rummage through something over and over that you'll probably never understand. Whatever his reasons, he made a choice that was painful and cold for you... thats what matters. How it made you feel and what you can take from it.

Dom... your pain means you love. Your hurt means you value the truth and honesty. Your tears mean you show emotion. Your questions mean you are a smart guy who wants to learn and move on.

For sure theres pain in a break up. But look for the good. For 12 months you were in a RELATIONSHIP. It means that you can be again. It means that as sure as your ex was the right guy for a time, there will be another when you are ready. As sure as you found love for a time it means you can again. As sure as you were happy you will be again.

This is about how you chose to live your life.

Your experiences show you good things are possible. They will come your way. They did once and will again. The good times, the great feelings and warmth that you felt will once again be part of your life. You will trust again. you will open up again. Its who you are.... its what makes you a pretty special guy.

And next time, you'll know things you didnt know this time. You'll know that with risk comes reward. You'll know that with happiness can come pain. But you'll also know love. And trust and happiness. They'll be in a framework that you build together - a structure that you need to work on forever but one with just a little efort will keep you warm safe and content for a lifetime.

Dont give up Dom. You've only just laid the foundation.

 

[rareboy]

Your bf was a cowardly shit and you're better off without him.
How old was he? 12?

Yes long term relationships are possible. After 25 years I can say this with some authority.

Now lick your wounds and don't play the cynic. There are lots of great guys out there. Take some time to evaluate what split you guys up though, and try to change any destructive behaviour you may have brought into the mix.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Do yourself a great favor and grieve for your BF for 3 days. Be as unhappy as you possibly can be. You must have loved him for a reason. You have every reason to be unhappy about his departure.

Once the 3rd night is over and you wake up in the morning, summon all the strength you have, take a shower and move on. He is past. Possibly a great, wonderful and beautiful past. But only past. You are looking into your future and you are creating it now.

Radiate strength and great things will happen. Open your mind and question absolutely every ideology and every 'truth', you know about human relationships. Whatever appears to be self-evident to you and part of the general order of things might be a deadly poison to your future happiness. Destroy every obstacle on your way and leave no prisoners.

Let the past be nothing but a great, wonderful memory. Your aim is your future.

SC

 

[netwire]

I for one can truly say that relationships do exist! I have been in one myself for the past 3 years, and things are still going strong - we both have "settled down" already.

 

[demolay]

Thanks Guys, so you know... I have been working on me. I decided to take a trip to vist a good friend in Colorado, I've been wanting to go for a while. I decided that i would ride my motorcycle south through the southern states across the US and up to Breckenridge.

Through my breakup I met two great people, those people are helping start a new carreer through a high official at Penske. I have already submitted my resume.

I look back and realize that I gave my all and it was good for a long time. We had great times together, which I will never forget. Life was good for a while and I see that it will be again. You are a bunch of great people here at JUB and I am glad that I shared my thoughts with you.

Dom

 

[Just_Believe18]

Of course it's possible. There are thousands of relationships out there that have lasted until the end.