Relationships with Men in your lives...

[bananagoof]

There's always this question out there about how gay guys relate to other (straight) men, and whether their childhoods featured an absentee or disapproving male figure, like a father or grandfather or brother. Would you say the development of your sexuality was affected at an early age by a lack of connection with males in any way?

It'd be interesting to hear your perspective on this, since it seems to come up regularly. I'm not trying to suggest that this is true for all gay men - just looking to hear about whether anyone thinks their attraction to men stemmed in part from seeking approval from men.

 

[Howlly]

Tl;dr, nvm. Realised I went far too into it.

 

[crubbed]

I find that I absolutely CANNOT relate to straight alpha males (both my father and my older brother are, and I've always hated them).
To the point where I immediately can't stand them and won't be speaking to them.

Then there are straight beta males. I love them. But whenever I interact with them I have this condescending, superior approach. I don't know what it is about me. I want to deal with this once I start therapy.

 

[Rickrock]

I had a father and grandfather in my life who were good people.

 

[Seasoned]

I was born gay. Any other explanation would mean I turned gay. I think the role males played in our early lives might have something to do with the kind of guys we are attracted to, the same way it might play a role in how straight females pick boyfriends and partners.

 

[GamerBear]

I had two older brothers who teased me a lot, I couldn't really relate with them. My Dad was always there for us all and he accepted my sexuality and had no issue with it. He told me just to be careful that he wanted me to be happy. I tried to be close with my Grandpa but I could tell that he really doesn't like the enjoyment of company.

 

[Callum]

I went through a period from about 11-19 where my friends were exclusively female. I don't think it has effected my development as now a majority of my friends (and my best friend) are straight men. I have an absentee family, mostly by my own accord.

So, not sure how I'd fit into the question.

 

[Rolyo85]

I was born gay. Any other explanation would mean I turned gay. I think the role males played in our early lives might have something to do with the kind of guys we are attracted to, the same way it might play a role in how straight females pick boyfriends and partners.

This. Nothing turns people gay. We're designed like that. I'm gay because my dick points to guys.

 

[RaspberryTurtle]

Hmm I don't know, my mother pretty much has been a cunt all my life(maybe she's what subconsciously drove me away from women) where as my dad was the more favorable parent. So idk if i fit ur theory.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

No, I wouldn't.

I've had problems with my father, but otherwise I got along with the males inside and outside of my family handsomely.

 

[bananagoof]

Oh, I wasn't trying to prove or disprove a theory, Raspberry. I was trying to get a sense of what people's experiences have been, with regards to male figures in their lives.

I think the role males played in our early lives might have something to do with the kind of guys we are attracted to, the same way it might play a role in how straight females pick boyfriends and partners.

Yes, this is what I meant to discuss. And since it's been brought up by Raspberry, in a way...have there been any conclusions reached in studies or elsewhere about whether or not a person is more drawn towards partners who mimic the parental relationship they were happier with, or less happy with?

You hear about "girls with Daddy Issues" stemming from bad relationships with their father. Yet, straight guys who like older women aren't referred to as having "Mommy Issues" because they had good relationships with their moms.

 

[ibill1]

Absolutely not. I grew up in an Italian Catholic household with 5 brothers. My father was one of the greatest men I ever knew, and even owning and running two Italian restaurants, he still managed to spend time with his boys. Of course my brothers and I teased, rough housed etc., thats what boys do. I can't imagine of having a better childhood, I feel grateful I was so fortunate. I was born gay, and so was my oldest brother. Nothing in my childhood could have changed that. Actually, I get along well with all guys, gay or straight, and prefer to spend my time with men.

 

[inimegblue]

I'm bi, but I'll chime in. I've never had a relationship with my father. He was abusive mentally and physically. I never knew either of my grandfathers. I was only close to one of my uncles and we really didn't get close until the last few years of his life. I have four brothers, but we have zero relationship..probably because we have different moms. I have a cousin I'm pretty close with, but he's married with kids so we hardly see each other. I've only had about four male friends in my life and I'm in my 30s. One moved away, I developed an attraction to two of them and decided to sever ties with them because of that, and I probably have the strangest friendship with the remaining friend. He's married and straight as an arrow. I'm attracted to him, but I know better. He's going through a bad time right now and needs a friend, but once he's through this dark time I know I have to put proper boundaries in place. Wow this looks bad when you type it out haha.

 

[crzyrazn]

Not sure. I was raised absent a father in a family that was dominantly female (mother, two sisters, and grandmother), by a mother who is extremely overbearing. I have an older brother, but he was mentally abusive, and I have no relationship with him other than the one that connects us by blood. There was my grandfather, he and my grandmother divorced earlier in my childhood, was unstable, had a distant relationship with him at best, not a good role model. My friends were mainly female. So I have not had any kind of significant male relationship in my life that was positive.

I have often wondered whether the negative experiences or lack of thereof with males in my life was a causality in the development of my sexuality. However, whenever I think about it, it seems deeper than that, biological. Maybe it's a little of both. If it had been otherwise, maybe I would still be gay. I don't know.

Admittedly, I regret not having had the experience of knowing a father, and a better relationship with a brother I could have looked up to, and I don't deny that I think it had a profound affect on me. It makes sense that I could perhaps be seeking approval from other males because of the lack of such affirmation in my life. Even in my early childhood and adolescence I was unable to form relationships with guys because I was extremely shy, and was just an awkward, insecure kid dealing with a lot of shit in his life.

I am certainly a case in point for the argument of environment and sexual orientation. But take into consideration members here who have had great relationships with the males in their lives. There is no provable explanation really that answers why homosexuality occurs in different environmental circumstances without having to seek a biological explanation.

All I know: It is what it is.

 

[Lube]

Hmmmm. You made me think.

I was going to say my bf is nothing like the men in my family. In many ways he's not. The men in my family tend to average-to-short and average-to-slender, yet my bf is taller and a big barrel chested guy.

But my bf is hairy like my family and is very traditional, like my family.

So I guess it's a toss up.

 

[jmadaf]

Ever since I can remember I see a guy I was attracted to, I wanted to be with him all the time, I thought we were being friends, then puberty came and I was gay. My dad wasn't around much my mom was not nice, my aunt was a sweetheart, I can't say any of that made me got me turned on to guys, and guys with a hard-on got me more hot!!!

 

[jmadaf]

I think we are born to love cock!!!

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

My father was not really much of a father. When I was younger I would see him on the weekends, but that was short lived. My mother has been there every step of the way, but I was surrounded by strong women in my family as well. Males are basically a non-factor in my family, with the exception of a few (including me). According to my mother, this is why I am gay. Of course, I would have been gay regardless. I knew I was gay back when I had a step father at the age of four!

When I was younger (elementary to 7th grade) I had a good mix of male and female friends. I would hang out and play video games, bike, or just hang with my male friends. When I moved, I found it much harder to make male friends (for some reason). I just clicked better with females. I do have one straight male friend, who has been my friend since high school and presently.

Not having a consistent male in my life makes me feel as though all men are inconsistent. As a result, I do have abandonment issues when it comes to dating. I don't expect them to stick around. My dad phasing in and out of my life, and me not having any resentment towards him, probably does make the situation worse. Not to blame all my issues on him, of course. I do think the men I have chosen in my life resemble him, which is pretty funny on the account of all I really want is stability and security.

 

[deelong]

My Father is probably that only male that has been in my life. My Dad has been there for me. Then again, he always hasn't. He has always been able to financially support me. But has never been there for me emotionally. And I think, he just doesn't know how to. Because his Father was never there for him, and he never taught my Dad how to be a Father. I wish we had a better relationship, as father and son. But I don't even know where to start. And my Grandfather on my Mother side, he is virtually, non-existent.

 

[hanzosword]

My daddy and I became estranged since I was 5 and we haven't been close since. I don't think that had anything to do with my sexuality though. I believe I was born being attracted to other males. It was just in the back of my mind most of my life and I never acted on it until I was 26. Whether my daddy was there for me or not wouldn't have made any difference I don't think lol. I first noticed my attraction to other males around 6 maybe.

There's always this question out there about how gay guys relate to other (straight) men, and whether their childhoods featured an absentee or disapproving male figure, like a father or grandfather or brother. Would you say the development of your sexuality was affected at an early age by a lack of connection with males in any way?

It'd be interesting to hear your perspective on this, since it seems to come up regularly. I'm not trying to suggest that this is true for all gay men - just looking to hear about whether anyone thinks their attraction to men stemmed in part from seeking approval from men.