Relationships with seriously beautiful people

[hanshansen]

I haven't posted here in quite a while. Still not out (except to one guy I met on here), but I've done a huge amount of thinking about my life and am preparing the ground ...

Anyway, I've developed this sexual crush on a librarian at the local library. It hit me again when I was returning some stuff last night. I'm pretty sure that he's gay or thereabouts. Straight guys don't have what I can only describe as this 'snakiness' in their movements. They don't flirt in this way with everyone around them. They don't groom themselves like this (immaculate haircut, close-fitting tops etc.). A week or two ago, when he issued a DVD for me, to my own surprise I got so confused that I fumbled my credit card ... I got the sense that he 'understood' in some way but he didn't smirk or make an issue out of it. But whatever this guy is, he is one of the sexiest people I have seen in a long time. You know those people who are not only unusually good-looking, but aware of it and totally at ease with it, so they just project this incredible charisma.

The last time I can remember having a physical crush on a guy like this was 15 years ago in high school. Similar charisma, but 100% hetero. Never again. I don't like having crushes on people who are obviously unavailable and as soon as I can convince myself that they are the feelings disappear and I feel a lot better.

Problem is, part of me is thinking: 'if I came out, would it be worth trying to get to know this guy?' That feeds the fantasies. The other part thinks: 'This guy is way out of your league. Would you like to be seen with someone who dresses like this? Would you want to be involved with someone who would be a magnet to other people? Would you want to be involved wiith someone to who is this conscious of his own physical appearance?' '

I guess my question is: have any of you guys here been friends with, or had relationships, with 'beautiful people'? Are any of you 'beautiful people'? What was/is it like? I really have no idea, since my looks are at the nerdy end of the spectrum and I've always tried to draw people's attention away from them. And I tend to associate with people like me. This 'librarian' thing is pretty new for me. I have come across some really hot, flirty girls. They were fun to get to know in a superficial way, and they really enlivened parties. Is that as far as it's wise to take it? In one case, she turned out to be a really nice person as well, but I only saw her for about five days (a la Lost in Translation) and in hindsight that experience raises a lot of questions, too.

 

[cellular]

I think beautiful people are overrated. But they are still pretty to look at for eye candy sort of reasons.
Anyway, i also wanted to be close to pretty people once, had this phase where i want to make friends with beautiful guys and girls, but ended up hurting some of my friends in the process.
Im just like you, nerdy, and yes, i get it that you want to change your look, or better put, others perception of you, but dont put down your friends in the process. It is the worst thing you can do and thats my advice to you.

 

[G-Lexington]

The key word in "beautiful people" isn't "beautiful" but "people". If you treat them as such, you'll soon discover that there's no such thing as "out of your league".

Lex

 

[MainEntry]

I was once on the verge of being one of the "beautiful people". It required a lot of energy to maintain that image and as it very gradually faded away, I gradually allowed myself to become disengaged from it. Now, older and heavier, I'm much happier and having a lot more relaxed sex with people I enjoy.

Maybe your librarian is in the same boat. Beautiful people need to learn the value of personal qualities beyond physical beauty. And, after all, librarians are one of the "helping" professions along with nurses, doctors.....

 

[hanshansen]

The key word in "beautiful people" isn't "beautiful" but "people". If you treat them as such, you'll soon discover that there's no such thing as "out of your league".

Lex

Thanks for that wake-up call. After a bit of thought I guess being really attractive isn't too different from having money, or connections, or a high-powered job. It's glamorous, it makes it very easy to get people to treat you well, and it would be only human to use that at least sometimes. But it must feel even better if people can look through that and like you for all the other things.

Cellular, I don't want to try changing my looks, I will always be nerdy (maybe with a nod towards preppy). I want people to accept that. And I would never put down my friends for their looks. Some of them are actually quite attractive, but in a low-key way. They aren't head-turners and they don't dress like fashion models. I guess what fascinates me about some stunningly attractive people, and what I would like to have rub off on me, is how free they are in expressing themselves physically, their body, the sexual vibes, aren't something to be hidden or embarrassed about, or even just unconscious of. It looks so easy, MainEntry, even if maybe it isn't.

 

[loppyears]

Ahh yeah the "'beautiful people". Had a childhood friend who was classed as beautiful, 100% straight, of course I had a massive crush on him but never said anything. I was the nerdy type back then (not so much now) so I guess I did feel abit weird about hanging around with this beautiful boy. I mean I often thought, why is this guy hanging around with a nerd like me?

Fastfoward 9 years later and were still friends, he knows I'm gay and had a crush on him, but he's still the same guy. I wouldn't dream of doing anything with him now and were just as good freinds as we were back then. Not all 'beautiful people" turn away in disgust, most of them are really nice. Sure you do get people like that, but just ignore them if they ignore you.

There's nothing stopping you talking to Mr. librarian, ask him to help you find a certain book or something. If you borrow a DVD next time ask him if he's seen it and if it was any good. Being nice gets you a long way.

 

[aleisterc2003]

dude, as been said already, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i've had crushes and even dated guys whom my friends found questionable. but to me they were gorgeous, and i also have been with my fair share of guys that i know many have wanted, but they were all mine at the time. but i think you need to ask your self how much of a roll is lust playing in your little drama. a big portion of those "beautiful" guys is all but lust. but you'll never know....will you? I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!!!!!!!!

P.S.
one of the most beautiful guys i've dated was a nerdy type, sci-fi geek, and at times all around goober. but he was great.

 

[Adam2299]

Blah I don't know.

The problem with me is... I won't date a guy unless I consider him to be a "beautiful person" as you describe... that's how picky I am.

However, I've had extremely beautiful guys treat me like shit.... beauty isn't everything.

 

[Tomcat]

The key word in "beautiful people" isn't "beautiful" but "people". If you treat them as such, you'll soon discover that there's no such thing as "out of your league".

Lex

From my experience that really is the truth.

I had set a date with a man without even seeing a picture of him beforehand. Arriving where I was meant to see him, there was this very hot guy. I looked around for my date when he looked at me and said my name. My first thoughts were how disappointed he must be for me being just "regular" looking...

Well, we had a nice evening and he had really nice personality and it was easy to be who I am around him. Before leaving to our separate ways I told him to call me when he wanted to see me again.

It didn't take much time to realize there was much more to him then just beautiful looks. Seems like his enjoying my company as much I'm enjoying his because his still around

 

[benlemieux2003]

Same here. Dated a dude that was physically a god but had NO personality whatsoever.

I guess I'm allright in looks. I don't stand out in a crowd looks-wise though. I got my shallow moments of wanting "beautiful guys" but I found the lasting, real stuff was towards guys that looked rather "normal", I mean good looking but no magazine cover type you know, and had a great personality to back it up. More realistic that way

 

[confusedboy23]

"Beautiful" is nothing but skin deep to me.

One could be the cutest twink or the hottest hunk on earth but would act like an complete arsehole to everyone - that's just NOT beauty!

I'd say you need to get to know him before you allow yourself to fall any deeper for him.

By the way, you and I could pretty much be in the same boat. I don't have those gorgeous boy looks that would make every gay guy turn their heads, I don't have hot body like most do and I used to think that I'd NEVER score a decent boy, let alone a HOT one. But hey, I was really wrong - my ex in my opinion was 100 times hotter than I was and I've spent too many nights thinking was he blind to have chosen me.

So, don't fret, my friend, just be yourself and whoever comes along will love you for who you are!

 

[confusedboy23]

I was walking around town today and I saw a young gay couple having lunch at a cafe - they were holding each others' hands and just talking and laughing.

I'd have to say one of them was just 'hot as'. Like I mean, I wouldn't think twice if he asked me out. But the other was, well, whatever. I guess it just proves my point that beautiful people do go out with ummmm, not so beautiful people...

 

[hanshansen]

Thanks for all that encouraging input from both sides of the fence.

How much of what was going on was pure lust? 100%, since I don't know this guy at all. So being the type of person I am, I'm not gonna make any overt moves. By this stage, though, I should be able to be friendly without dropping my credit card, and who knows, I might end up getting to know him. And he might turn out to be an attention-seeking party animal, or more interesting.

Thanks in particular to the verifiably hot guys who gave their perspectives ... The thing was that what I found so attractive, and also intimidating, wasn't the looks by themselves, it was looks + personality (physical bearing, smile, eye contact, friendliness). In other words, sex appeal. But I may have been overestimating how self-conscious all of this was, i.e. how much it grew out of an awareness of and preoccupation with his own hotness. After all, it's just the effect it had on me.

 

[Ninja108]

This is what I hate about our society, gay or straight, looks are everything. Some people have met are beautiful physically but their true nature is what counts and in that regards, they are among the ugliest people on the face of the earth.

 

[bigpayback]

The key word in "beautiful people" isn't "beautiful" but "people". If you treat them as such, you'll soon discover that there's no such thing as "out of your league".

Lex

Damn you're smart. You're so right. Plus beauty fades and usually doesn't last forever. Looks are good because they reel a person in, but then you have to back the looks up. Also, everyone's perception of beauty is different. I don't doubt that this librarian is super hot, but I think you should go for it. What do you have to lose? If it doesn't work out, you'll find someone else. hope that helps in some way.