I am currently the top in the relationship I am in with my boyfriend. We are very happy that way but I would really like to be able to bottom for him. I have tried bottoming with him but I ended up bleeding from it. Is there any special trick to relax down there? Or is there something else wrong with me?
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Relaxing When Bottoming
- Thread starter LoveMen
- Start date
lyconthrope
Is The Alpha Female
bleeding?! oh dear, sound to be like too much haste and not enough lube.
only real key factor is patience, deep breathes and find the most comfortable postion for you, i would suggest him on his back as you get more control.
just dont try to do it too fast, you might find it takes a few prep sessions to get used to it and be comfortable and, most importantly, not to bleed! (ouch)
nothing wrong with you at all
(hehe but to be extra safe you may also want a guys opinion.....Girl >>)
only real key factor is patience, deep breathes and find the most comfortable postion for you, i would suggest him on his back as you get more control.
just dont try to do it too fast, you might find it takes a few prep sessions to get used to it and be comfortable and, most importantly, not to bleed! (ouch)
nothing wrong with you at all
(hehe but to be extra safe you may also want a guys opinion.....Girl >>
)
wraithsa
Kinked and Inked
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well best advice i know is
start small
go slow
and dont forget the lube
so startin with something like fingerin then movin onto a small toy and then gettin larger with TIME and DONT GET TEMPTED TO RUSH - u'll only hurt urself and then its BACK to square one. when u do eventually start takin him inside ya find a position where u can control the insertion and the thrustin and with time u'll be comfortable with it
its not gonna happen overnight - but it will happen eventually as u get more comfortable and ur body gets used to it
enjoy mate
start small
go slow
and dont forget the lube
so startin with something like fingerin then movin onto a small toy and then gettin larger with TIME and DONT GET TEMPTED TO RUSH - u'll only hurt urself and then its BACK to square one. when u do eventually start takin him inside ya find a position where u can control the insertion and the thrustin and with time u'll be comfortable with it
its not gonna happen overnight - but it will happen eventually as u get more comfortable and ur body gets used to it
enjoy mate
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LoveMen:
Wraithsa has covered most of what I would recommend.
The important thing that I would add is that your ass is a muscle and it requires some training to comfortably bottom. A penis is easier to take than many sex toys because it is not as rigid as a dildo or a butt plug.
The mistake that many young guys make is rushing things when getting fucked. In the heat of the moment, we all want to get it going. Slow down. Have your partner start with a finger, increase to 2 fingers and then 3 fingers until your ass has relaxed. Use a lot of lube in each step.
When you are relaxed, then you're ready to try his penis.
If your partner's penis is wide (length is easier to take than width), you might want to play together with a dildo or a buttplug until you've trained your ass to relax to take a larger object.
As you go through this process, you will train your ass to relax and it will become easier.
Trust, patience and a lotta lube in a relationship go a long way.
Wraithsa has covered most of what I would recommend.
The important thing that I would add is that your ass is a muscle and it requires some training to comfortably bottom. A penis is easier to take than many sex toys because it is not as rigid as a dildo or a butt plug.
The mistake that many young guys make is rushing things when getting fucked. In the heat of the moment, we all want to get it going. Slow down. Have your partner start with a finger, increase to 2 fingers and then 3 fingers until your ass has relaxed. Use a lot of lube in each step.
When you are relaxed, then you're ready to try his penis.
If your partner's penis is wide (length is easier to take than width), you might want to play together with a dildo or a buttplug until you've trained your ass to relax to take a larger object.
As you go through this process, you will train your ass to relax and it will become easier.
Trust, patience and a lotta lube in a relationship go a long way.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I tried to be on top once while he was on the bottom but I couldn't find my own hole with his penis. LOL. We're happy now with him being the bottom but I do want him to experience the top. We'll see what happens! Thanks again!
What worked for me was to let my boyfriend slide in a bit, wait, and slide out. Do this a couple of times going a wee bit further each time. When he gets in far enough, just pause and get used to the sensation.
If this is too much I agree to work your way up from fingers and small toys. Take your time and do it right, you're going to LOVE bottoming.
If this is too much I agree to work your way up from fingers and small toys. Take your time and do it right, you're going to LOVE bottoming.
I don't know if you do excercise, but I use a breathing technique from when I run. It is really simple. Breath in through you nose and out through your mouth.
It works for me everytime. It really could relax your entire body which can be good if your partner takes control. You'll be in another world. The bleeding thing is another thing all together. That happened to me when I lost my 'anal' virginity.
It works for me everytime. It really could relax your entire body which can be good if your partner takes control. You'll be in another world. The bleeding thing is another thing all together. That happened to me when I lost my 'anal' virginity.
The best positions for the 1st penetration is the bottom on "top-of-the-top" and do the elevator motion: not only slide down slowly, but try rocking back-forth or side-to-side; for me, it makes the muscles relax in a circular motion. B/c the muscle ring surrounding the anus (as well as the first entrance into the rect.) are VERY TIGHT! Try manual manipulation first and plenty of foreplay! And if nothing else makes sense, a non-horny bottom will not let you in no matter what happens! Good luck!
PS- U have condoms and lube, right??????
PS- U have condoms and lube, right??????
mcbrion
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I hate fingers. It feels like being poked.
A better way - in my experience as the top, who let another top make love to me was this: approach slowly. Just rub the length of the dick up and down asshhole opening 10-15 times. It feels more like a gentle massage. And maybe he's kissing the back of your neck, too, or rubbing your nipples.
Then, just barely push against the opening for a few seconds (side to side is pleasant). Then try to inset PART of the head (not the whole thing) for a few seconds, then withdraw. do that 5-10 times for a few seconds (maybe up to 5 seconds, or 10 if the partner assents), then withdraw. Each time after that, to in maybe 1/2" more, withdrawing after 5 seconds. Then get the whole head in and FREEZE!!!! Let him get used to it. Maybe move back and forth VERY GENTLY. and then? Withdraw.
By now, it seems like a game, and the partner psychologically gets into it a bit, realizing you're not going to RAM HIM. And that you're actually seducing him and teasing him. That makes it sensual instead of (boringly) sexual (if you're not used to being the bottom, sensual works GREAT for some of us. For most of us, actually, although some guys take to it faster than others).
Then, once you've got the head in, move in an inch or two, kissing his neck (or some other spot that will distract him: nipples (if he's got sensitive ones, are terrific for getting someone hot at the same time there might be the very slightest of pain). Or take your thumbs and dig them (gently) down his biceps (that's a thrill ) starting from the top of the shoulder. or even the shoulder blades (quite nice, as any massage therapist will tell you). or just grip him arms and run your hands up and down them, clamping gently.
By now, he should be mildly to significantly aroused, and you can go further into him. Check in ("is this okay") at each 1/2" of insertion. Move back and forth and then? WITHDRAW. At some point, he's going to indicate - verbally or by body language - "don't pull out." then you go in further and at each step, move in and out and even side to side. Check in again ("Does this feel okay?")
At this point, you're 10-15 minutes into it. Any bottom with anxiety will feel cherished and THAT is what gets him to relax. YMMV, of course. But seduction beats ramming if you're a lover, and not just a 'Sexer.' And by the way? Most guys just know how to have sex. They're unskilled at actual lovemaking.
A better way - in my experience as the top, who let another top make love to me was this: approach slowly. Just rub the length of the dick up and down asshhole opening 10-15 times. It feels more like a gentle massage. And maybe he's kissing the back of your neck, too, or rubbing your nipples.
Then, just barely push against the opening for a few seconds (side to side is pleasant). Then try to inset PART of the head (not the whole thing) for a few seconds, then withdraw. do that 5-10 times for a few seconds (maybe up to 5 seconds, or 10 if the partner assents), then withdraw. Each time after that, to in maybe 1/2" more, withdrawing after 5 seconds. Then get the whole head in and FREEZE!!!! Let him get used to it. Maybe move back and forth VERY GENTLY. and then? Withdraw.
By now, it seems like a game, and the partner psychologically gets into it a bit, realizing you're not going to RAM HIM. And that you're actually seducing him and teasing him. That makes it sensual instead of (boringly) sexual (if you're not used to being the bottom, sensual works GREAT for some of us. For most of us, actually, although some guys take to it faster than others).
Then, once you've got the head in, move in an inch or two, kissing his neck (or some other spot that will distract him: nipples (if he's got sensitive ones, are terrific for getting someone hot at the same time there might be the very slightest of pain). Or take your thumbs and dig them (gently) down his biceps (that's a thrill ) starting from the top of the shoulder. or even the shoulder blades (quite nice, as any massage therapist will tell you). or just grip him arms and run your hands up and down them, clamping gently.
By now, he should be mildly to significantly aroused, and you can go further into him. Check in ("is this okay") at each 1/2" of insertion. Move back and forth and then? WITHDRAW. At some point, he's going to indicate - verbally or by body language - "don't pull out." then you go in further and at each step, move in and out and even side to side. Check in again ("Does this feel okay?")
At this point, you're 10-15 minutes into it. Any bottom with anxiety will feel cherished and THAT is what gets him to relax. YMMV, of course. But seduction beats ramming if you're a lover, and not just a 'Sexer.' And by the way? Most guys just know how to have sex. They're unskilled at actual lovemaking.
S
ShadowCat
Guest
I read that and your description got me hard!
I would say relax and lube is your best friend , you can never have too much lube. Also try using a small dildo then work your way up to something larger. also try diffirent positions. The first time i tried to bottom it was difficult. It hurt like hell and i bleed a little ( not enough lube) and i was a virgin. We tried first having me laying on my stomach and he enter that way . I was to tight.So Next we tried doggy, it hurt like hell. So next i laid on my back raised my legs up in the air spread them a little. Paced/ rest them on his shoulders. was he able to enter me. Once he was in It felt good. So don't give up just be open to try diffrent positions and have more than enough lube on hand and try using a dido or use his fingers to stretch you out a little
I've read that taking a woman's virginity is easier if the penis enters at right angles to missionary (ie one person is on their side), allegedly because the penis is often wider than it is tall and the vagina has more compression from the sides. If this is indeed true, would the same thing apply for assisting initial anal sex?