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Revenge? Would you ever do it?

I found a video on YouTube, 50 Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome by familytreecounseling. Found it doing more research, forty+ of the symptoms match exactly what I've been dealing with.
 
thorne8791 said:
I found a video on YouTube, 50 Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome by familytreecounseling. Found it doing more research, forty+ of the symptoms match exactly what I've been dealing with.
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You're now halfway there. There's another set of videos that discuss the part of the relationship that you can change.
 
thorne8791 said:
I have gone on several dates with interested guys, had two horrific experiences, had two so-so experiences not worth mentioning, and one that I see every couple weeks. But after the relationship and collapse with him, there's absolutely nothing left inside me to give anyone else. It's just anger and sadness, or empty and dead. The one that I occasionally see is essentially a better clone of him. A few years younger than him, same exact body as him, same interests as him, same everything except this guy is actually a decent, caring human being that wants to see me. And yet I feel very little for him. I've tried, and keep trying to feel with him, but there's just nothing there emotionally for me. It has gotten a little better, where I was concerned and missed him a little after not hearing from him for two weeks, but that's not giving him what he deserves. I don't think I'm really capable of loving or caring anymore.
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Well you definitely aren't trying in the way of positive reinforcements. You are clearly capable of something, you are just allowing yourself to be held back.

Have you blocked his # and deleted contact info?

Have you tried going on a weekend trip with the new guy? Have you done anything special for the new guy? Have you made it absolutely clear you want to see him?

There are you things you could do that you aren't doing, because you are still wasting time and energy on dude from the past.
 
Don't do it man. Seriously, have more power than that. I know it hurts. I too had a bisexual that mopped the floor with me. I gave him everything he wanted and hr baited me. When all was said and done, I could've taken his banking info and ruined him, was at the brink of doing so, but quickly tore up his info and threw it away.

I wanted to kill him. But almost 10 years later I haven't given him any thought until I read your post. At one point people don't hurt you anymore, you hurt yourself. By staying tied to him you're letting him humiliate you further. That's the problem with revenge, he's still moving you. Your actions are still dictated by him.

You know what? Leave him be to pork his bitch and bring herpes home from the gloryhole he'll most likely be servicing when her totaare down to her knees, and her lips loose from passing the third spawn. That type is fecund like vermin.
 
Normally I am a strong advocate for vengeance. However, dude is in quite a hole already. Hitting now would be like firing torpedoes at the Titanic after it hit the iceberg and is taking on water. Or beating up a homeless guy for pissing on you. All over weed and sex.

Let him drown. If he manages to survive, improve, and make his life better... then you have either leverage or revenge.
 
CochondeMontreal said:
Don't do it man. Seriously, have more power than that. I know it hurts. I too had a bisexual that mopped the floor with me. I gave him everything he wanted and hr baited me. When all was said and done, I could've taken his banking info and ruined him, was at the brink of doing so, but quickly tore up his info and threw it away.

I wanted to kill him. But almost 10 years later I haven't given him any thought until I read your post. At one point people don't hurt you anymore, you hurt yourself. By staying tied to him you're letting him humiliate you further. That's the problem with revenge, he's still moving you. Your actions are still dictated by him.

You know what? Leave him be to pork his bitch and bring herpes home from the gloryhole he'll most likely be servicing when her totaare down to her knees, and her lips loose from passing the third spawn. That type is fecund like vermin.
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Excellent point, you could wait a long time and take vengeance on his kid. The reverse Inigo Montoya.

 
Little update...ever since finding out what he is, and what the relationship really was, been doing better emotionally. Have had no contact with him other than his texting me to make sure I'd have his new cell number (she bought him a new phone). So progress...

Sadly though, have had rotten luck with other guys. The younger version of him that I mentioned...we were getting closer, or so I thought. He opened up to me about some violence in his past, why he moved here, etc. We started seeing each other a little more, and I finally let him fuck me (I only do that when I really care for the guy), but suddenly he stopped returning my texts, and then blocked me on grindr. No explanation, no nothing. So that's very confusing and hurtful. Months of seeing each other and out of the blue he blocks me with no explanation at all. I don't know what happened and it's got me depressed again. So yeah...sucks!

I met another younger guy, we hooked up, and apparently both enjoyed it because we both kept on texting, hoping to meet up, hang out, and go from there. Found out he's another bi guy (ugh), going through a divorce, has a gf, but ok, I do like him and want to see him again, even if it's just as friends with benefits. So tonight he invites me over, but with the caveat that a girl might be joining us, he hoped I'd be cool with it. Umm...no. He knows I'm gay, but still thought it would be fun. Uh yeah, no...gay here remember? I don't even go for all male three ways, let alone bi three ways. Don't know now if I'll ever hear from him again. Tried to keep my replies light tonight, but after I said no, haven't heard back from him and that was three hours ago.

Met another really compatible nice guy my own age...turns out he's bi as well...what is it with me attracting all these bi guys??? So again, we decide to hang out and see if we connect, which we do, and he's wanting a serious committed relationship, but then after a couple dates he trusts me enough to tell me that he's got a weird sexual fetish, which unfortunately is a huge part of his sexuality, and also a complete and total turnoff for me. So another one bites the dust and I feel terrible about it because he is a truely nice person.

And lastly, also met an older guy, handsome, manly, but yet again, bi. And with another weird fetish I can't get past. He wants to date me, which is good, but he's also got a bizzare view on being "gay". He wants to wear panties, and heels, and be my gay bad gurl. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. That's his vision of being gay. I explained that's not being gay, that I'm into men, not guys in panties, but it's all he wants sexually...FML...and he's ten years older, at least, but wants to call me Daddy...no...just no.

So while it's been a good month emotionally getting over that toxic relationship, it's been totally fucked up man-wise...
 
thorne8791 said:
...So while it's been a good month emotionally getting over that toxic relationship, it's been totally fucked up man-wise...
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Sounds like it's the same play/same plot but just with different actors?
 
Dude.

You want to be friends with benefits with someone who has a gf. Take a look at yourself and your posts here and ask yourself why you only attract these guys.
 
No, meant I just don't understand why I'm attracting only bi guys. Seems every single guy that is interested in me is bi. I avoided bi guys for the better part of 38 years, and now every guy interested in me this year has been bi. And it's not like I write in my profile that I'm looking for unstable bi dudes...lol. I don't even have bi guys listed as a "I'm looking for" option.

The guy with the gf, I'm cool with that. I'm pretty sure she knows he's bi. He's not hiding my texts at any rate, since he's told me to text anytime, day or night. And since he's been open with me that he has a gf there's no expectations on my part for it to be anything other than fwb's.

@kara Different plot, totally different actors. Luckily none are like the first guy. These guys all have issues, but none, thankfully, are anywhere near the same as him. These are all decent guys, just not for me.
 
You´re complicating your life for nothing. If he is indeed open about his bisexuality to his gf and you´re happy with the scenario, go ahead, but be sure these things almost always blow up.

As for the bi guys (even if their sexuality shouldn´t be an issue), if you have a problem with it, just put it in your profile and this way they´ll leave you alone lol
 
thorne8791 said:
...@kara Different plot, totally different actors. Luckily none are like the first guy. These guys all have issues, but none, thankfully, are anywhere near the same as him. These are all decent guys, just not for me.
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You're viewing the commonality as being "bi guys".

What all these people have in common is that they are trainwrecks. It's not just bisexuality or routine imperfections. These guys are messes- in 30 days, you managed to have some level of involvement with 4 guys where it would take a year or longer for the average person to meet.

There's a pattern here. At some point, it becomes clear that the issue isn't these guys. The issue is with your choices.
 
I have to agree, I used to have drama, lots and lots, then I started actually looking at the guys I was choosing. The drama evaporated with the losers.

Whatever is going on in your life, you are in control of it, and you are responsible for it. Choose guys involved with multiple people and genders - why so shocked if he wants to swing? That fact was right there upfront and personal in your account, you just didn't want to see it.

Why are you attracting bi guys? That sounds to me like you have some issues with your own gay at some level, and are projecting it onto this "why oh why is it always bi..."- because no gay man ONLY attracts bi guys, unless he's deliberately culling out the gay ones. There are plenty of gay men out there who lose interest with you when you tell them you're gay. That's an issue in their head.

Whatever your emotions in any situation, you are always in control of where you put your feet. There are of course people who live for the drama and feed off of it, and that's just that, but if you are really looking to change your situation, the first thing you change is yourself, and all the rest will follow.
 
I have no issue with my own gay at any level. My profile on scruff doesn't have bisexuals listed as something I'm looking for (you can select multiple "types" and bi isn't one I selected). These guys contacted me, not the other way round. I'm almost painfully shy when it comes to approaching guys, in real life and on dating apps, so I never initiate first contact. My profile on both apps says, in a nutshell, that I'm just looking to meet a nice decent guy, hang out a bit and get to know one another, and if we click go from there. Nothing about my disaster of a bi guy, nothing about anything really in any specific detail except for my interests, like video games, fiction, being a nite owl, etc. That's why I don't understand why there's been no gay guys, just bi guys. I could see if I listed that I don't want gay guys, or that I only want bi's, but that's not the case.

I was taken aback by the guy, him knowing full well I'm not into chicks, asking for a threeway, because it just made no sense. But I did talk to him since then, he'd been partying at bars with friends that night, so that explains it. He was just stupid drunk. He said he ended up zonked out right after asking me over and did nothing with anyone that night.

And really, meeting three guys in a month is a lot? I figured that was on the very low end of the spectrum for going on dates.
 
thorne8791 said:
...And really, meeting three guys in a month is a lot? I figured that was on the very low end of the spectrum for going on dates.
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No, meeting three guys in a month isn't unusual. Meeting these three guys all in one month is unusual.
 
That's what I said, three bi guys in one month, no messages from any gays, so not "culling" any potentials, it's definitely not common. I'm at a loss. I haven't been on the apps for a few days, but checked tonight and no new messages, so dunno.
 
Another Update...guy #1 is back. He had some major gf drama (like physical and legal drama with the whore from the original posts), and after not talking to him or hearing from him in two months he showed up at my house one night a couple of weeks ago. He'd hurt himself, and tried to really hurt himself, after that relationship went deep south. I took him in and he'd been staying with me for a couple of weeks. We've had a couple of honest talks and we finally admitted that we do really love each other, even if the relationship will never be conventional, and we've gotten him into a mental health program with weekly therapy sessions and onto a depression medication. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't even know if I'm going to be happy, but I'm so fucking happy he's getting better now. I went through hell because of him, but I couldn't just ignore someone I love, and let him suffer like I did. I'm fully aware this time around of what to look for in regards to him using me, and thank god I'm seeing none of it like before, so maybe there's some small hope.
 
So basically at this point one of two things is going on here, either you are the one who's feeding off the drama, or you are pulling our collective leg for shits and giggles.

After what you described, if this is actually happening, and you took him back in, there is nothing we can do for you and you need a professional.
 
I just couldn't turn him away, I can't turn my back on someone that I care about that's hit rock bottom, and he really has. He has absolutely nothing and no one left, so I'm doing what I can to keep him alive and going. I guess I never really stopped loving him even though he never deserved it. Not open for a debate about how fucked this is, since I know it is, just wanted to give an update on a fucked up situation.
 
Have you gotten yourself into a mental health program? Don't think you need it? Go back and read what you have written here for the past few months. You are hurt, angry, violent and self destructive. If the failed relationships you have experienced since breaking up with guy teaches you anything, it should teach you that you are are no emotional or psychological state to be dating anyone, including this guy.

BTW, who is footing the bills for this guy now?
 
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