Rock meets hardplace

[SolRagazzo]

Hello all. I'm fairly new to this forum but I figure what the hell, I'll just go and talk about the situation I'm in. I've been dating this girl for about 4 years now, and she knows I'm not straight. I've been incredibly lucky to find someone so loving and accepting of me, it's like I won the lottery haha. I couldn't really ask for a more caring partner, but theres a huge problem. Back in October I find out that she had hooked up with one of my friends (a girl) and never told me about it. This was a huge problem with me and still is today, and my friendship with that girl is over and the relationship I've had with my girlfriend just hasn't been the same since. Under normal circumstances I would've been able to just cut it off with her, but I've been going through a lot in the past couple of months and she has been my only support, but I've grown resentful of her and I just don't feel the same about her anymore. And now I'm starting to think I'm gay, and that the only reason I've stayed with her for so long is because no one really cared about me the way she has. But she betrayed me in a huge way and I can't get over it, and now I feel like I'm stuck in a place where I don't know what to do. I want to break up with her, but I know it would devastate her and I don't want to do that, and at the same time I have pretty much zero experience with guys and don't even know where to begin. It's making me pretty depressed and slowly becoming more and more of a problem, where it bothers me every single day. I feel totally alone, she became friends with all of my friends (a little bit too much in one case) so now it's like I have none of my own friends anymore. I don't know what to do and was wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences or some good advice. Thanks a lot.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

^^ Truth.

You owe it to yourself to be happy. Whatever positive things kept you together with this girl are long gone and now its just a nasty habit you need to shake off.

You'll be amazed how much happier you will be once you make that decision. It'll be like a 130lb (how much does she weigh?) burden off your shoulders.

 

[rareboy]

Well, the first thing you should do is set both of you free.

Then start to evaluate your feelings and desires outside of this failed relationship.

And then both of you be the people you were meant to be and not who you think you have to be to fit in.

And don't end it by cheating on her to get revenge or something stupid like that.

 

[SolRagazzo]

yea ive tried breaking up with her more than a few times but she doesnt make it easy, which makes it even harder for me because im not a vindictive person and I cant just go and find someone else and forget about her. Plus, she became friends with all of my friends and has none of her own friends anymore, so it's like shes in every part of my life even if we did break up. I just feel so stuck.

 

[ywpnfu]

Hey Sol. I don't care if you date a boy or girl. Cheaters cheat. First time caught, they are sorry. Second time caught, they are very sorry. See a pattern yet.

You don't have to tell anyone who you date. Coming out is important if you make it important.

You need to accept yourself first and foremost.

 

[CristianoRonaldo]

Well, in my opinion, in the end it's all comes down to if you love her. And if she loves you.

Because you can't carry a relationship on the grounds of support. You can't carry a relationship on the basis that she's supportive of your sexuality.

You need to love and be loved in return. From there you build it all. You get to know each other, you let each other into your lives, and so on... But the strings that keep it all together must be pure and foremost L-O-V-E.

So it's really simple. If you truthfully feel you love her try to work things out. If she truthfully loves you too. If she doesn't then don't waste your time. As hard as it can be you'll need to let go.

And about your friends and her being close. Well, I can't really help there. But I guess that if they're really your friends they'll be supportive. This is where you'll meet your real friends.

It's gonna be a tough ride I guess, because of your dependency on this girl, but you have to keep it together and move on. With or without her. With or without your friends.

All the best!

 

[SolRagazzo]

well its been a pretty fucked up few days. i told her I wanted to break up. needless to say she didnt take it well. she went out, got insanely drunk, got arrested for an oui, which the details of are just too much, and was sent to rehab today for a month. we both love each other but I just think we're co-dependant and I need a break. Ive talked to her since I told her I wanted to break up but she still is acting like we didnt break up, calling me her boyfriend and stuff. This has happened a few times, I break up with her, she acts crazy and I feel bad and still talk to her and she acts like nothing has happened. Only this time she got arrested. And about the whole support thing, she has supported me in a lot more than just my sexuality, and I feel like I need to be there for her in her time of need like she was there for me. It's just so fucked up!

 

[Georgiadude]

well its been a pretty fucked up few days. i told her I wanted to break up. needless to say she didnt take it well. she went out, got insanely drunk, got arrested for an oui, which the details of are just too much, and was sent to rehab today for a month. we both love each other but I just think we're co-dependant and I need a break. Ive talked to her since I told her I wanted to break up but she still is acting like we didnt break up, calling me her boyfriend and stuff. This has happened a few times, I break up with her, she acts crazy and I feel bad and still talk to her and she acts like nothing has happened. Only this time she got arrested. And about the whole support thing, she has supported me in a lot more than just my sexuality, and I feel like I need to be there for her in her time of need like she was there for me. It's just so fucked up!

Now is the perfect time to end it for good. Yes, you feel bad but that's what happens when you break up with someone. You said "I break up with her, she acts crazy and I feel bad and still talk to her and she acts like nothing has happened." She knows from past experience that you will cave in and stay in the relationship. It's time to put your big boy pants on and end this for good. For the betterment of both of you. I know it isn't easy and it's not me going through this but you asked for advice. She's in rehab. They will watch her and make sure she doesn't hurt herself or do something stupid. Don't take her calls, don't reply to texts. Tell her this time it's over for good.

If you would decide to stay in the relationship, where do you see it going? Do you honestly see any type of a future? Quite honestly all I see ahead of you is more misery and dis pare. You had some good times. That's all well and good but you have a lot you need to work on. End this so you can do some soul searching and figure out who you really are. Straight, bi or gay. It doesn't matter. But only you can make that call.

Now onto the cheating. SHE CHEATED. She broke the trust and stepped out on you. YOU deserve BETTER. No matter who it is. A cheater is always a cheater. If you stay in this relationship that will always be in the back of your mind. Always. Do you want to live your life constantly wondering? If there isn't trust in a relationship, there isn't a relationship.

It sucks now but it will get better. Go through the tough stuff now and get it over. End this and figure out who you are. Only then will you be truly happy.

Steven.

 

[rareboy]

It's just so fucked up!

Yes. And hopefully you aren't just feeding off the drama.

What a toxic mess.

The two of you definitely need to be kept apart from each other. As you say, you sound co-dependent.

Your addict girlfriend needs a good reality check and some professional counselling.