Romanticism vs Pleasure - Defining Gay?

[Sammey90]

Just a few thoughts regarding sexuality JUB. I feel that the terms Straight and Gay are very narrow minded and don't really apply to human sexuality, which I believe is much more complex. The more I've come to explore my sexuality, I discovered that no one is completely straight or gay and sexuality can change very quickly (I'm a firm believer sexuality is a choice). There seems to be three (sexual) elements if you will that apply, these being, how you feel, what you do and what you like. It seems we all seem to inherit these traits from society, but mature with our different desires.

I consider myself bi-sexual, but not homosexual. I enjoy the idea of sex with men but have no desire for a romantic relationship nor do I feel attracted to men lustfully on a day to day basis. In short, I enjoy the idea of having sex with men, but to say I'm gay is discrediting I think. I'd say my sexual preference is almost hormonal towards men and women at any given time. In saying that, it's almost the world as recently discovered that it's OK to be bisexual.

Does anyone else feel defining sexual orientation as Straight and Gay is problematic?

I guess as a bisexual guy, I feel society should be more open minded towards sexuality

 

[Jo-thin]

I totally agree man, I've always said why label ourselves and fuck what ever we want to fuck lmao

 

[jwa007]

Sammey90: You took thoughts right out of my head. Although my feelings on this subject have evolved over the years, at this time I see sexual preference, or sexuality as fluid. I see the world as a whole in shades of grey. To define ourselves as straight or gay is largely a function of societal roles, just as gender defined clothing is a societal construct that serves little purpose biologically. I envision a future where we have dropped the labels of sexuality and encourage people to explore what they want, what they desire.

Thanks for sharing your ideas and thoughts.

 

[clicker]

Just a few thoughts regarding sexuality JUB. I feel that the terms Straight and Gay are very narrow minded and don't really apply to human sexuality, which I believe is much more complex. The more I've come to explore my sexuality, I discovered that no one is completely straight or gay and sexuality can change very quickly (I'm a firm believer sexuality is a choice). There seems to be three (sexual) elements if you will that apply, these being, how you feel, what you do and what you like. It seems we all seem to inherit these traits from society, but mature with our different desires.

I consider myself bi-sexual, but not homosexual. I enjoy the idea of sex with men but have no desire for a romantic relationship nor do I feel attracted to men lustfully on a day to day basis. In short, I enjoy the idea of having sex with men, but to say I'm gay is discrediting I think. I'd say my sexual preference is almost hormonal towards men and women at any given time. In saying that, it's almost the world as recently discovered that it's OK to be bisexual.

Does anyone else feel defining sexual orientation as Straight and Gay is problematic?

I guess as a bisexual guy, I feel society should be more open minded towards sexuality

You "firmly believe sexuality is a choice?!" How so? Do tell.

 

[Sammey90]

You "firmly believe sexuality is a choice?!" How so? Do tell.

In the sense that we choose to pursue it. I don't think people are born with a predetermined sexuality, rather, they mature with one (the pursued). You simply don't know, until you pursue and it's ultimately ones choice, to pursue. I don't think that desire that simply set in place. It requires experience and maturing in the world. Pursuit.

For some, the maturing process is relatively simple. A straight path if you will. For others, it's a windy road with lots of twists and bend.

PS. Glad to see others sharing their viewpoints. Make's me feel I'm not alone in my thoughts.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I totally agree man, I've always said why label ourselves and fuck what ever we want to fuck lmao

When choices are severely limited, men find sexual pleasure in the oddest places.

That aside, I think, in a truly open society almost everyone would be bisexual.

 

[lambdaboy]

You are a typical closet case. I have been with my partner for years and am as happy as any heterosexual couple but for you to think we choose are sexuality is absurd.

There may be degrees as I agree no one is 100% anything but your views are wrong

 

[cocksucker4use]

Just a few thoughts regarding sexuality JUB. I feel that the terms Straight and Gay are very narrow minded and don't really apply to human sexuality, which I believe is much more complex. The more I've come to explore my sexuality, I discovered that no one is completely straight or gay and sexuality can change very quickly (I'm a firm believer sexuality is a choice). There seems to be three (sexual) elements if you will that apply, these being, how you feel, what you do and what you like. It seems we all seem to inherit these traits from society, but mature with our different desires.

I consider myself bi-sexual, but not homosexual. I enjoy the idea of sex with men but have no desire for a romantic relationship nor do I feel attracted to men lustfully on a day to day basis. In short, I enjoy the idea of having sex with men, but to say I'm gay is discrediting I think. I'd say my sexual preference is almost hormonal towards men and women at any given time. In saying that, it's almost the world as recently discovered that it's OK to be bisexual.

Does anyone else feel defining sexual orientation as Straight and Gay is problematic?

I guess as a bisexual guy, I feel society should be more open minded towards sexuality

Spoken like a true bisexual. Along the bell shaped curve from straight to gay, you sound like you fall well placed in the middle.

Your FEEL - LIKE - DO model is good -- where FEEL is our most basic instinct, or driving force; LIKE is the form or manner we express how we feel; and DO is how we act on what we LIKE. However, in the nature vs. nurture debate about the origins of our sexuality, the family dynamic and factors set from an very early age determine how we FEEL. Our own experiences help us to determine what we LIKE. To an extent we choose what we DO, or how we act on our feelings and what we like.

Most of us are basically bisexual. That is we can do sex with females and males. The quandry often cited on this forum is exploring and experiencing this bisexuality...DOing it to determine what we LIKE. But when guys speak to the fantasy of man on man sex that will not go away, this speaks to a basic FEELING that can not be denied. The issue for most all of us at some time has been societal pressure and influence and the concern that if we act on the fantasy, obey our instinct toward mansex, we will be forever GAY, and if found out, will be labelled this way, etc.

The issue is perhaps not so much pussy vs. dick, but rather lifestyle. Men have had to choose a straight lifestyle for acceptance, security and to meet the societal milestones of marriage, children, family and so forth. So, guys who marry the girl, have kids and raise a family have a straight lifestyle. It does not define how they FEEL, what the LIKE or even what the DO about it. It does define their lifestyle. They may still desire and act on sex with men. This includes guys that genuinely are attracted solely to females, or mainly to females.

As U.S. society becomes more open with the repeal of DADT and the inevitability of marriage becoming legal for all persons, the pressures are going to decrease, and the labels may not have the meaning or power that they have had in the past.

 

[lambdaboy]

I agree with you cock sucker for use. I am Gay and proud but with what I went thru no one woudl choose tobe gay. I chose not to lie. I live now in London where people are more together. I would never go back to the U.S. its fucked up mostly by religion

 

[evanrick]

I agree with you cock sucker for use. I am Gay and proud but with what I went thru no one woudl choose tobe gay. I chose not to lie. I live now in London where people are more together. I would never go back to the U.S. its fucked up mostly by religion

I would agree, Americas least endearing quality is our disregard for people in a generalist sense.

 

[Sammey90]

Some very interesting responses. I really was interested in your insight cs4use.

You are a typical closet case.

Could you please clarify? I think this response needs a bit more justification on your part as it doesn't seem to correlate to your entire post. On that note, for some, it seems the idea of bisexuality is simply not possible which is what I'm trying to really get it. There seems to be a lot of yearning and bending towards bisexual males towards being 'gay', as if to cross the 'straight' line makes you the complete opposite which is why perhaps some males are in the closet as you say. What a narrow-minded view by society and people in general.

My definition of homosexuality is sharing a lust and romantic desire for men, for a modern illustration, the same kind of stuff that goes on in the film 'A Single Man'. Currently, I do not share these feelings or desire at this point in time. I have no intention of denying any of them either.

for you to think we choose are sexuality is absurd.

Perhaps I should have rephrased this statement to not seem to adamant on my part. I believe sexuality is linked to pursuit and desire but as cs4use pointed out, yes I do agree there are mitigating factors that lead to ones sexuality including their contextual surrounds. You contentions seems strongly linked to theory of Determinism where one's path (the straight vs windy road) I talked about is already preset in time. I'm not a big fan of that theory, but nonetheless, as some have already mentioned here, in an ideal world where there are no biases towards sexuality and sexual freedom is granted, almost everyone could be considered what we define today as bisexual.

Building on your thoughts cs4use, its interesting to think what would occur if there wasn't an 'ideal' lifestyle. I'm the kind of person that doesn't believe in an ideal lifestyle. I'm not after the 9-5 jobs, marriage and death most people seem to pursue because it was is considered the norm. If you met me, you wouldn't consider me the norm. To me life is an experience and to limit yourself based on what others think is a restriction I'm not willing to live with. Life is experiences. Why share the same ones everyone else has?

your views are wrong

They may be in your opinion. Nonetheless, I appreciate your insight.

I currently think of sexuality as an amoeba. Constantly evolving changing, sometimes perfectly still. Nothing is everything and everything is nothing.

 

[slnattak]

You have an interesting point. But you're also projecting. Some guys have felt purely gay their whole lives, women just don't turn them on at all. Sometimes I'm not sure if I believe them either, but maya angelou said something where if somebody tells you who they are, believe them.

Just because it changes fast for you and is fluid doesn't mean everybody has that same subjective experience. It hasn't really changed for me much in YEARS. I've been 'confused' and 'conflicted' but I never felt straight or for sure that I was attracted to a female. I try to force it sometimes just to see, and the only thing I realize is I'm attracted to my own male dominance, and I just kinda want to be that way with another man.