roomie troubles...

[thepinacoladawolf]

I really feel like an asshole sometimes but I really don't care right now. I'm at my prime in the places that I am, and that's what matters most, right?

Yesterday my room mate got upset at me because I didn't tell him "Happy Birthday". Really, I don't know why I can't bring myself to say it. I haven't said it to anyone in my recent years, and I don't really know why.

It's kind of odd when people EXPECT it from you, almost kind of selfish.

Maybe I'm just desensitized to the whole joy of a 'happy birthday' because my last 5 - 8 or so were just not all that great to begin with. It always seemed like a nuisance for anyone that ever wanted to acknowledge that it was my birthday.

Though, last night was another chapter in the clash of the room mates. After I got off work earlier yesterday, I called him to tell him that a friend of ours was going to be working as a server tonight, so we should come in and see her, while also celebrating his 21st birthday, but just like the day before he had killed the mood and idea of even celebrating his birthday, courtesy of his stupid attitude.

He got off work, I got ready to leave, took the dog out and then called Chili's to see if she was still there, and she had already left. When I broke the news to my room mate, he said "oh well...", then proceeded to sit down at his laptop as if he could care less that I actually WANTED to take him out for the purpose of celebrating his birthday. He didn't see that though.

He asked me why I still wanted to go , and I replied with "It's better than sitting here for the rest of the night", then he started telling me "Fine, you want to go to Chili's, then you go alone, Enjoy yourself. I'm going to go somewhere by myself too." I said 'no', and he just kept stating that I 'need' to go since I didn't want to be in the apartment.

So I ended up leaving, and he said "I might not be here when you get back, because I'm going out where I want to go". I looked at him, said nothing then walked out the door. From that point on, he started texting my phone, saying it was 'my fault' and that I was the one doing this to myself and so on. Then he said "I'm going now. Enjoy your meal alone"

I finally arrived at Chili's a little heartbroken and I was trying to hide it but failing miserably, and thankfully it wasn't busy. I showed up, and the other employees were wondering where Chris was because we usually go to together alot, and I had actually been talking about bringing him for the purpose of celebrating his birthday earlier that day, so they were sort of expecting us to show up. I ended up ordering a Virgin Pina Colada and some eggrolls, then left, but not before Ali came out complaining about HER room mate. I said to her "I guess annoying room mates must be in season."

Before I left, he texted my phone, telling me to get "potc2". So I ended up going to Wal-Mart, and bought the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" for him, and Burnout Revenge for the Xbox360, then headed home. He didn't say anything to me when I walked in the door, but he did ask me why I got the Xbox game, I told him it was because the game was cheap, and for a 30 dollar Xbox game, it's actually really fun. I ended up putting that on, he watched me play it for a bit, then went to bed. I did the same minutes later.

So yeah, I don't know what to make of this latest behavior. Today is the move and I really don't need this kind of clashing stress.

 

[thepinacoladawolf]

Why do you say that?

 

[trawler69]

When he got pissed with you about not wishing him happy birthday you could have appologised and explained that as you do not celebrate yours you over looked it and then said "Let me take you out for a meal to celebrate and make up." Problem solved.

Little things like a couple of words can mean a lot to someone it indicates you care for them and are a considerate person and you will be better liked because of it.

All my friends know I don't celebrate my birthday and when I call them I usually wish them many happy returns of the wossname, they know what I mean and appreciate the fact that I remembered.

Did your mate even know you were taking him out to celebrate his birthday? It sounds as if all he knew was you were going to see this friend who works there. Perhaps he did know and when he asked why you still wanted to go you could have said "Because I want to celebrate your birthday, is there anywhere else you would prefer to go, my treat."

 

[Christopher123]

He asked me why I still wanted to go , and I replied with "It's better than sitting here for the rest of the night",

Ummmmmmmm... I would have said, "So we can go celebrate your birthday and have a little fun together."

So I ended up leaving,

And here I wouldn't have left.

I finally arrived at Chili's a little heartbroken

It sounds to me like you weren't the only one heartbroken, babe.

I ended up putting that on, he watched me play it for a bit, then went to bed. I did the same minutes later.

How come you guys didn't watch the movie?

So yeah, I don't know what to make of this latest behavior. Today is the move and I really don't need this kind of clashing stress.

Okay, this is just me, but I'll tell you what I'd be doing at this point - I would go to him and sit down and say, "Look, I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I didn't mean to hurt or offend you. Please go out to dinner with me tonight so we can sit and talk and enjoy ourselves and spend some time together."

If he refuses, don't get mad. Birthday's might not be a big deal to you but they are to others. 21 is a landmark and it's a big deal to a lot of people.

Like trawler said, I too am a little unclear as to whether or not your roommate even knew going to Chili's was for HIM.

Was it?

 

[RicanDAB]

I am assuming from your story that your roomie is apparently just a "roomie" and not a boyfriend, as some guys say to cover up a live-in relationship (though it behooves me WHY one would want to do that here). But it also looks like you have been at least friends. Perhaps your roomie considered you a good enough friend that he figured you would at least acknowledge his birthday. People are different as far as expectations go. I would not expect it from someone I met recently or someone who did not know my birthday - but I would expect a parent, a longtime boyfriend or a best friend of many many years to remember and at least acknowledge (present not necessary) - get what I mean? I sense also that he thought your effort to take him out to dinner @ Chili's was a too-little-too-late effort perhaps.

Based on his responses and reactions, I am also thinking there is a little more to your roommate's feelings for you than you think. But that is a shot in the dark since I don't know the real situation between you two.

In my experience, roomies should just be roomies and not friends, only because things like what you describe begin to escalate and cause problems. By the same token, beginning a roommate arrangement with someone you are already friends with is generally a bad idea. I am sure there are others here who would argue that it works for them, which is fine - but from what I have been through and seen it usually strains the friendship.

You also mention at the end that there is a "move" so I don't know what that means - whether you or he are moving?

Only advice I have is to keep your distances for a while and things should cool down. During this time, you might want to muddle whether this is ultimately a good living situation for you.

Geez -- This was longer than I planned - but since I am working from home and killing some downtime, it's cool ... Good luck!

 

[rareboy]

All I can say is that your relationship is toxic and it is time to say goodbye. You both are obviously very immature and it would do you both world of good to live on your own for at least some time.

I also sense that you are both have very limited skills in communication with other people except at a superficial level and you might work on this as well.

 

[gotdimples77]

why didnt you ask to go where he wanted to go? or ask to go with him when he said he wanted to go somewhere else? its his birthday...let him pick it?

 

[amyleeisjesus]

To simply forget the birthday of even a close friend is understandable. But to go out of your way to avoid even a mention of it to someone as close as he is purported to be, then abandoning him completely — and leaving him alone on his 21st birthday, of all birthdays, verges on a lot more than a general philosophic antipathy toward wishing someone a happy birthday. If you don't understand why, you really should find out.

But then, I have abandonment issues.

That's really good. lol. Be my e-husband.

But yeah, I agree. I do a lot of things I don't want to do, especially when it involves other people's feelings. I have a friend who's incredibly needy. I get sick of being a crutch for her and I've let her know that, tactfully. Yet several times when she's been really upset and I've just wanted to roll my eyes and go back to my apt., I've instead gone down to talk with her and be a friend. Just think how much drama would've averted if you'd gotten over your selfishness, gritted your teeth and uttered, "Happy birthday!" I'd be really pissy too if my roomie left me like that.

I'd also throw in "communication issues" since that seems to be a trend.

 

[looseliam]

I think you two should sit down and have a little talk. Get things out in the open. Cross this bridge and move on with your friendship.

 

[texan_slant]

Holy smokes! There is no way that I would ever want that much drama in my life.

Just because you don't celebrate your own birthday doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't say "happy birthday" to someone who is relatively close to you. In my humble opinion - it's selfish to rain on your own parade first, then rain on someone else's, and is a reflection on you in a negative way.