Roommate help

[robs]

I knew this was probably going to happen, but I have a new roommate this year at college and it's a friend I've known for almost 2 years now. We live in an apartment so we have separate rooms and bathrooms. We decided to be roommates becuase we're friends enough that we'll get along and stuff. Well everything is going really well, but one thing. I've developed a little, well definite crush on him. He's a tall, athletic type with average to good looks. I'm gonna guess he's probably about 95-98% straight. I haven't seen any gay tendencies really. I've tried making a few comments to see if I get a reaction and get nothing. Like we'll be playing Xbox and if I mess up I'll yell Oh fuck me in the ass, and he'll just laugh. He's made jokes about me being "gay" but don't know that I'm actually bi. I fantasize about him all the time. How do I stop liking him, or should I keep on and see if I actually get anywhere??

 

[Lube]

He might be gay or bi, but you'll never know unless you come out first.

Saying "fuck me in the ass" while playing a game is hardly a definitive coming out. You need to be more direct.

It's 2009. What are you so afraid of?

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Well, there are lots of other people out there to meet. This is your living space and if things turn sour, well, one of you is going to have to move.

 

[Seasoned]

You need to meet available guys. They fact that you are in the same apartment lends itself to your fantasies. You both deserve better. And let's say he is bi or even gay. Just because two guys are friends doesn't mean they would each be attracted to the other.

 

[KaraBulut]

He's made jokes about me being "gay" but don't know that I'm actually bi.

He won't know until you tell him.

Or until he walks in on you and a boyfriend doing the nasty.

I fantasize about him all the time. How do I stop liking him, or should I keep on and see if I actually get anywhere??

Fantasies are just that- fantasies. Go to your room, fantasize and whack off all you want. Don't screw up a friendship/roommate relationship just because you're horny and have a little crush.


Go find yourself a boyfriend and channel all that horniness into someone who wants to be the subject of your fantasies.

 

[robs]

Thanks! I guess I'll move on. I think it's more of mistaking friend intimacy with romance intimacy. I'm away from home, so I don't have any close friends here and I guess since we're getting closer, I'm interpreting it wrong. I'll keep posted if something really changes or develops. Thanks again for all the advice.

 

[spencer]

You are right, you are misinterpreting him. He's straight.

Now if you wanna test him, have him see you nude in normal situations. Leave the bathroom door open, walk with your towel to your room, regular stuff and see if he looks. If he becomes more comfortable and does the same, move on to watching porn togther.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Good observation. Your asocial behavior is latching itself onto the one person you regularly interact with on a daily basis. You are misinterpreting friendship for signs of sexual interest.

The solution: You need to go out more and make friends with guys who are open about liking other guys. It doesn't hurt to be honest with your roommate about your sexuality either. Especially if you want to bring a boyfriend home every once in awhile. If he's truly your friend, he'll be cool with it.

 

[spencer]

yes, if he doesn't know you're bi, he won't let you know he is, any as much as you currently let him know now.

 

[robs]

That all makes sense. It's college type housing, so we each have our own bathrooms so it would be hard to do the towel thing, but I think it's probably best to move on, because if it did get weird between us, it'll make for a long year.

 

[Lube]

I just think it's hilarious that so many guys here insist they're straight acting and no one knows they're gay... and yet when some asks about a "straight" friend, we always assume they're straight and not in the closet.

It doesn't make sense to me.

 

[KaraBulut]

I just think it's hilarious that so many guys here insist they're straight acting and no one knows they're gay... and yet when some asks about a "straight" friend, we always assume they're straight and not in the closet.

It doesn't make sense to me.

Well, statistically the odds are somewhere between 1:10 and 1:20 that a guy is gay. Those aren't good odds, so it's safe to assume that a guy is straight until proven otherwise.

We all want to find things in common with people, so there's a hope that friends or guys we're interested in might be gay or bi.

This doesn't apply to this OP but a general observation: Too often, the question is not, "Is he gay?", the question being asked is really, "Can he be had?".

 

[Lefty]

yr home needs to be your sanctuary where you can get away from the rest of the world. your roomie needs to be your NO STRINGS buddy/best friend.

don't shit in your kitchen man, it always leaves a BAD smell and almost as always ruins the meals prepped there. is that clear enough?