Roommate just tested positive...

[Adam2299]

One of my roommates just tested positive for HIV. It's no surprise to me, considering he's slept with the whole world, but that's neither here nor there. Apparently he was a little more than shocked... he's been in bed for about a week and refuses to do anything. I've never seen him like this before. Right now I can hear him crying through the wall. It's been like this ever since he found out...

And honestly, we don't even get along that great but he's been crawling in bed with me every night and crying to sleep... Bottom line, he's scared out of his everloving mind and so am I. I've never had someone close to me have to face something like this before... blah.

My question is... how can I help him? Are there any resources I can give him to deal with his depression? Basically... is there anything I can do besides say "everything's gonna be ok" a thousand more times??

 

[Orlandude]

He needs to go to counseling. The doctor or clinic that tested him should have referred him to counseling and, if they did not, that may be the first place to start if you can find out where he got tested. They should have referrals. You can even call for him if he won't and explain that he is depressed and needs counseling. They are SUPPOSE to do this and there is usually a very small or no charge for counseling. If that fails, check in your area for support groups. While your intentions may be very good, do not attempt to counsel him. He needs professional counseling. Hope this helps.

 

[luminum]

Yes, definitely get him to counseling. No testing location would have given him his results without first asking him if he had a support source in the event that the results were positive.

He needs to talk to someone and if tha person isn't you, there are people who have been trained to help HIV+ people through the initial diagnosis.

 

[looseliam]

As much as you want to 'help' him, right now he just needs you near.

When it comes down to it, there's nothing much you can do, aside from being his friend.

And ditto what everyone else said.

 

[HartfordGuy]

He also needs to go see a Doctor who specializes in HIV treatment. The clinic that tested him should also have given him the name of the nearest specialist, even made him an appointment.

Right now he is scared to death. That is normal. Even without counciling he will feel better talking to a doctor about his current health and future. Being young and probably just being recently exposed, he most likely will not need meds for many years yet. But he will need to get regular testing for T-cell count and viral load. That plus a few other protective things like a Flu shot, pnumonia shot, Hep A & B shots, All things he'll need to protect himself and stay healthy.

He needs a professional to reasure him that life is not over. It is just going to be different. He now needs to realize it is his responcibility to not expose anyone else to the virus. SAFE SEX forever and always. Being positive doesn't mean he can go out and be a whore. But it doesn't mean that he will be celibate either.

Right now his life seems upside down. But eventually he will calm down. If he is healthy right now, his only real lifestyle change will be the fact he can't donate blood anymore. His dating habits will change. Some guys will avoid him once they hear the news. Others will understand.

And for that matter, he doesn't even have to tell anyone his status. Not his family or his friends. The only people who need to know is his Doctor and anyone he wants to have sex with.

 

[RicanDAB]

Not much more that I can add to the above except to continue stressing that you be there as a friend as much as you can. Besides that, all you can do is help him find and take advantage of professional resources that will be of benefit to him.

 

[Danugh]

My question is... how can I help him? Are there any resources I can give him to deal with his depression? Basically... is there anything I can do besides say "everything's gonna be ok" a thousand more times??

Its good that your concern is for him and not whether or not you can catch it from living by living in such close quarters.

People need to understand that you cant get aids by sharing a glass/cup or utensils with someone who is HIV positive. We need to get rid of the stigma.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Good advice, here.

Once all is said and done, I often think about the consequences of an environment which tolerates regrets.

The very first and basic premise my late parents instilled in me as I was growing up, was that a grown up man must always think first, keeping in mind that he bears all the responsibility for his actions (and/or inactions) as the case may be. I grew up to believe that later regrets were completely useless and actually a shameful sign of a complete failure.

I am ever so grateful to them for passing on that bit of wisdom to me.

SC

 

[HartfordGuy]

Believe it or not, you can actually have safe sex with a person with HIV and not catch it.

Thats why safe sex works!

In all reality, you should always assume the guy you're with does have HIV. This way you'll be 100% careful.

 

[Spiff]

Believe it or not, you can actually have safe sex with a person with HIV and not catch it.

Thats why safe sex works!

In all reality, you should always assume the guy you're with does have HIV. This way you'll be 100% careful.

probably not the best advice to give to somebody that just tested positive for HIV. you may as well kick them in the stomach as well.

 

[oz_doc]

dont see how telling a patient that this is NOT the end of their life as a sexual being is a kick in the stomach???

As has been said he probably needs two services at least initially, a counsellor or psychologist to help him work through his "grieving" process, and a specialist in HIV or sexual health to discuss initial and later stage management options.

As far as you go, be there for him as an ear to listen to him and a shoulder to cry on, thats probably the best thing anyone can offer right now for your friend. Just as importantly be a safety net to catch him if he is looking like he isnt coping as suicide and other self harm isnt uncommon in these situations.

 

[Adam2299]

Thanks a lot guys. I talked to him, and he does have a counselor and a doctor they referred him to, so that's all set. I guess all I can do is be there for him... sigh...