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Sad and Confused

G-Lexington

G-Lexington

Lex. Icon. Devil.
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You "noticed" that he was logged in to a gay chat site. How'd you notice that? That sort of information doesn't pop up unless you're looking for it.

Fortunately, you happened to have an account on the same website.

And then...you hit on him. Anonymously. You started a conversation with him, asked if he was looking for somebody special. And he went along with it.

His excuse for doing so sounds precisely like your excuse for having the account in the first place. Boredom. Just wanted to see what would happen. Didn't mean anything by it.

Is your excuse more valid than his?

Lex
 
You're more qualified to answer that question than I am.

Yes, he blatantly admitted to looking for a relationship and a boyfriend...after you, anonymously, asked him to answer the question. You set a trap for him, and he walked into it. Congratulations.

Now what? That's up to you.

Here's the information you now have - "He hangs out on the same gay chat line that I have an account on. When someone flirts with him, he flirts back." Make whatever use of that info that you'd like.

Lex
 
it sounds like you don't really trust your boyfriend...it's ok to be a little jealous and suspicious but don't over analyze it, you'll just end up hurt.

you even said you are not very expressive, does he know that? maybe he thinks you don't love him like he loved you.

i think you guys should sit down and have a talk about this, tell him how you feel about the situation, don't blame one another but figured out how to resolve the problem - together.

hope you can work it out with your boyfriend, a relationship is not going to work if you can't build trust.
 
Looks to me as if you have been doubting him all along and inadvertently or advertently 'set him up' so to speak! You chatted with him before telling him who you were and got the answers you were looking for!

Does this make what he did right? Does it make what you did more or less right than him? Only you and he can make that determination mate!
 
unfulfilled said:
meh.........
Click to expand...

I don't think you are wrong man.... Sounds like you two don't communicate too well. Could be you don't really know each other. How much time do you two spend together? Not IM but in person?
 
I think his excuse ("bored") is probably not true. Your snooping on him and entrapping him was probably motivated by deep-seated suspicions. Or, you thought it would be relieving to "test" him in this way and for him to pass the test.

You've invested almost a year with him, and this hiccup notwithstanding, you seem to have a good and stable relationship. Given that you value him, and want this to last, it's time to have a heart-to-heart with Mr. Chatroom 'cus I'm Bored man. He needs to level with you as to what he wants and needs, and where you fit in. Likewise, you'll need to be prepared as to why you entrapped him. Justified as you may feel in doing this (you uncovered a truth, after all), it did come at a price. That price is a mis-trust of you (as ironic as that must seem to you, I know).

I think you both need to level with each other. He needs to know how you think the world of him and want this to be a long-lasting relationship and how is cruising chatrooms is surprising and not what you think is cool. You need to know how he thinks of you, and your relationship, and, more specifically, this incident.

Good luck. I hope everything works out.
 
unfulfilled said:
I have been with a guy for almost a year. We've been stably monogamous and i basically expected this relationship to last.

He has been really loving and caring towards me. Me, I'm less of an expressive person with my feelings but basically had stayed loyal to him and in most ways, returned his affection.
Click to expand...
Unfulfilled... Interesting choice of user name... how do you reconcile that with those statements about your relationship?
 
Sorry, but I think the two of you are over. It is apparent that he's still looking for something different.

...and what you did was just plain wrong and sorry honey, but you got what was coming to you.

Have the heart to heart and then agree to move on. Once your exbf has the freedom he's looking for, maybe he'll realize what he lost and be smarter next time. Maybe you'll find someone better.
 
Sounds like you already had trust issues before you started snooping and what you found out only confirmed your fears. For some this would be a deal breaker and others could find a way to deal with it. You need to decide if you can be happy in a relationship with someone you can't trust. Good luck!
 
Sounds like both of you are deceitful, and both of you slide easily into justifying your own deceitfulness rather than taking responsibility for it.

I love that, at the end of your OP, you describe this untrustworthy man as "a perfect boyfriend."

No wonder you're "unfulfilled."
 
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