Sad Gay

[strataboy19]

No. You are not doomed to be miserable.

Being gay means whatever you want it to mean. The media portrays the "gay lifestyle" as one filled with sex, drugs and AIDS but in reality it is what you make of it.

Want a healthy, loving, fulfilling relationship with another man? You most certainly can have that. I want that kind of relationship and so do many others here...just check the other threads in the forum. It takes some time, patience and a little soul-searching to come to the point when you want to come out. You're going to be just fine.

Welcome to JUB. You've got about 100,000 friends on your side.

 

[evil_danger]

Hi,

Im new here and not sure what to say other than that I hate being gay. I just feel so lonely and isolated from everyone else and all I see is a sad meaningless future full of heartache and disease.

And thats different from being straight how, trust me, being straight isn't a walk in the park either, heartache is universal, so is disease, I heard recently that actually straight people pass on more STD's than gay people do, in recent times the gay community has become more awair if the need for safe sex. Just mention bareback on this forum and you will get quite a bit of negative comments coming your way. Sad and meaningless, so gay people cant have happy lives together?

I mean friends of mine have girlfriends futures filled with children and stuff and I feel I cant have that. I look online and tv and stuff and it seems being gay is mostly about sex, aids and drugs!

I'm sorry do you actually have any straight friends, sex, aids and drugs, it all goes around the straight community too, sex is just everywhere, drugs are everwhere, I'm pretty sure the people I know who do drugs arn't gay, I dont know any gay guys who do drugs to be honist. as for Aids, safe sex is just common sense, but I see more straight people not having safe sex because the girl is on 'the pill' cant get pregnant, thats safe enough (stupid straight people). Its in the gay community that safe sex has really taken off, so place your stereotypical view points back in the early 80's where they belong, this is the 21st now!

Okay, children, harder but not impossible, there are gay couples with children out there, just need to know who to talk to for information on that.

I have not come out to anyone. Im afriad to and I also hate to admit to myself and everyone that I like men. I wonder what options I have to be happy but cant find any. Am I doomed to be miserable?

With this negative attitude you are doomed to be miserable, you need to get comfortable with your sexuality, then you can start having fun with it. Okay being gay isn't just about having gay sex, but it is part of it, sex should be a part of life, gay straight or bi, everyone should enjoy it for what it is.

Hope you work out your issues dude, good luck.

 

[Jory]

Hi,

Im new here and not sure what to say other than that I hate being gay. I just feel so lonely and isolated from everyone else and all I see is a sad meaningless future full of heartache and disease.

Hey Closeted if

you look for the bad in life that's all you are going to find. So guess what you need to look for

I mean friends of mine have girlfriends futures filled with children and stuff and I feel I cant have

So in your future there can be boyfriends in it. instead of girlfriends want children guess what they're gay parents out there and what is this stuff you can't have that's bull shit

I look online and tv and stuff and it seems being gay is mostly about sex, aids and drugs!

That is because sex sells

I have not come out to anyone. Im afriad to and I also hate to admit to myself and everyone that I like men. I wonder what options I have to be happy but cant find any. Am I doomed to be miserable?

Are you doom to live a miserable life. only if you want to

 

[sentirpromesas]

being gay isnt much different from being a racial minority..according to the media, i should be a gang banger who dies at 20 because of a drive by...or i should be working the fields of some large corpation and die of cancer caused by pesticides...the media, sadly isnt the best place to find the answers...im happy being gay and latino...for me, to be gay has allowed me to see things that most straight guys never get to see because of the gender roles and stereotypes that confine them...sometimes i wish i was born straight, but then i remember of all the fun i can have because i am gay...we have all been through the self-hate phase...but like everything else, its always darkest before daybreak

 

[Eagle653]

Hey closeted, don't despair. Things aren't that bad. Many of us are out here...normal folks just doing our best to get by. We are normal and don't have diseases. Most importantly, many of us are happy....at least happier than we would be trying to "pass as straight." That's the real recipe for unhappiness.

It isn't about sex and drugs and disease. Least of all, it isn't about having an empty, lonely, unhappy life. It's about accepting yourself for who you are and being determined to live the kind of life you want to live. You're in the driver's seat here--make some good things happen.

 

[loppyears]

Ok first thing, your not doomed. You can still have that great future where you are accepted and have a wonderful boyfriend and even children. Coming to terms with your sexuality is what you need to focus on right now. Maybe your not ready to come out yet but there's no rush, you have all the time in the world. Maybe it will help if you stick around here for awhile. Getting to know other gay people, even if they are half way across the world, can make you feel better.

And don't listen to TV. It's full of crap.

 

[Bloke1964]

Just take the plunge...having sex with a guy is no more different than having sex with a girl...there are some differences of course but when it comes down to it...sex is sex. If it feels right do it... wait until the moment is right don't rush into it.

 

[StephenC]

The words I read of your's could have very well been mine, many years ago. I felt just as alone and isolated as you and I made the mistake of not listening to my heart. There are things I would not change now for nothing but if I had to do it all over again. Perhaps a recent blog post of mine will help:

From the start, the very beginning, a mist surrounded the truth of who I was, of what I was. Hidden in the folds of shadows, I traveled down a road searching, thinking, and yes, perhaps fooling myself into believing happiness, my happiness, truth, my truth was only a bend in the road ahead. The clarity of my vision nothing but a lie, me, nothing but a fool. A conclusion, a realization that has taken me a lifetime in admitting is painful, I bleed, the blood I shed are the tears of clouded eyes. I have lived a lifetime surround by the fog, surrounded by the gray and I fear it will never lift . . . I fear too much water has flowed under the bridge . . . I fear I have waited too long . . . I fear I will never see the colors of my life as it should have been.

www.asoutherncloset.blogspot.com

 

[jetsonboy]

You feel dirty for wishing to be sexual with guys simply because of the people around you who are of a different sexual orientation and have been influenced by their cultural/religious backgrounds. If you took religion out of the picture, you would realize that they way you are is as normal as being alive. Of course, that's perhaps easier said than done. I can tell you this: you only have one life to live, and it is a precious gift. Live your life to the fullest causing no harm to others, love yourself and love those who deserve your love, and you will find happiness. Best wishes!

 

[rareboy]

all I see is a sad meaningless future full of heartache and disease.

You are doomed to be miserable if this is how you view your life.

What a load of nonsense you're carrying around. Where do you learn this stuff?

More than half the marriages in the US will end in divorce. Straight people get diseases too. I have been happily partnered twice, the second time for over twenty five years and my first partner is still our best friend.

Obviously, we don't need another self-hating homosexual; this opening is already filled. You need to focus on some of the positives of being gay and there are plenty.

Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start living in a world of possibilities.

 

[chance1]

Closeted

been there I assure u - and I assure u many on JUB have been there - and some r right now

getting away from that place takes time - and it happens - and it's worth it

I hated being gay - or having gay feelings - I fought it - it wins - u r who u r - we are not the majority - try to think of that as being cool - different - it's ok to be different - ur not feeling it now - i trust u will soon - eventually - know that ur not alone - ur not

gay = sex is not true - defining urself by ur sexuality is not accurate - not for us - not for str8s - it is just part of us - u will have gay and str8 friends - and if u want to have kids, u can do it - not the same way - LOL - but u can

i could go on - just know - u didn't chose this - it chose u - and better times r around the corner - sorry to be corny - but they r - hang in - and if u want to reach out, i am avail - as are many on JUB - u have a support team here - use it if u can



Im new here and not sure what to say other than that I hate being gay. I just feel so lonely and isolated from everyone else and all I see is a sad meaningless future full of heartache and disease. I mean friends of mine have girlfriends futures filled with children and stuff and I feel I cant have that. I look online and tv and stuff and it seems being gay is mostly about sex, aids and drugs!

I have not come out to anyone. Im afriad to and I also hate to admit to myself and everyone that I like men. I wonder what options I have to be happy but cant find any. Am I doomed to be miserable?

 

[VICTORIADON]

Thank you all for the advice. I realize I am being a little foolish and need to rethink my attitude. I just am having such a hard time with this and I have to get over feeling dirty about wanting to be sexual with guys. I just wish I knew how to make it easier.

"dirty" ?
There is nothing wrong with loving another guy.
The only thing "dirty" is the way you have been taught how to think.
You must have had "best" friends when you grew up, felt a brotherhood, love etc., for your best bud.
You are missing the final step, a closeness that is...I don't know how to explain it, peace.

 

[boy0boy]

i stil get weirded out by the idea of dancing and grinding with a guy at a club.... actually any guy holding me is kinda scary.. no matter how much i want it, because i haven't done it, its still a weird thought so i know what you mean about having to get over it...

i am in my head at least

 

[tylertylertx]

Hi,
I just feel so lonely and isolated from everyone else...I have not come out to anyone. Im afriad too...

Having spent many years feeling the same way, I understand. I really do. One day, I realized that I was choosing to feel that way. I was the one building the walls and locking the doors...keeping people far enough away so they wouldn't find out the truth. I was in a self-made depression. Looking back, there were actually some people that genuinely wanted to know me, and be friends. But I wouldn't let them, so they drifted away. I don't know about you, but I practiced [and sometimes still do] the art of "seemingly full disclosure". A lot of people thought I was this really open and honest person, and I was in some ways, but I never allowed any true deep friendships to develop. Looking back, I deeply regret it. I chose, and created the hell I lived in. I tried to blame others, but it was all based on how I thought they would react to me, not how they actually did. Therefore, I see it as all my fault.

Am I now an totally-out-and-proud-grand-marshal-of-a-pride-parade-type? No...but, I have allowed some people in, and now I feel more whole. Only you know yourself, so be patient and don't make hasty decisions when you do decide to let people in. Take it slow and be yourself...not a stereotype.

...all I see is a sad meaningless future full of heartache and disease...I look online and tv and stuff and it seems being gay is mostly about sex, aids and drugs!

In my opinion, strataboy19 is right on the mark. Defy stereotypes and media and mental portrayals. You are indeed not doomed to be miserable, and being gay can means whatever you make it mean! You don't have to be slutty-drugged-up-AIDS-victim...

I mean friends of mine have girlfriends futures filled with children and stuff and I feel I cant have that...and I also hate to admit to myself and everyone that I like men.

Gosh, yes, seeing my straight friends openly dating, marring, and such still stirs up emotion in me. I'm currently back in that "on again, off again" cycle of "do I really need, or will I ever have a companion". What is holding me back from pursuing real companionship? Fear. Fear of the entire world knowing, not just my selected "world". Fear of rejection by a guy I'm interested in. Fear of ?

Fear that this "gay thing" is indeed real, and that I "have it"? Not necessarily...not anymore. Two years ago I finally accepted it, and stopped hating myself for it. Don't let yourself get to where I was. The deep dark dangerous edge and ledge of life. I realized that I didn't have a choice in the matter. I realized that it was it was like hating myself for being born with green eyes.


Closeted, I say all that to say: hang in there! You're not alone. There is nothing wrong with you for having these thoughts...just please don't let them control you or hold you back from your future! For me, a big part of becoming more comfortable and real and honest with myself was to interact with other [and encouraging] gay people on a forum such as this one.

It's amazing the kinds of messed up tricks our minds can play on us!

speaking of that...
boy0boy, I'm right there with you too. Because I've not experienced it, it is scary to me too...but intriguing. I can't wait to find the right person to experience it with...the holding, not so much the dancing and grinding. I've never been much of a dancer, haha.