Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

"I've got to get to school Uncle Joe! I've got an exam at 9 o 'clock!

You had me twice last night FFS!

Just don't get cum on my new school trousers please!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Voicemail received today Tuesday 3 October at 05.56am!

".....sorry to do this to you on your way to work darling but I can't live a lie any more!

It was a fantastic wedding and that fortnight in the Maldives was just perfect ! I told you that I wanted to wait and give myself to.you on our wedding night because I believed that the best gift a bride could make to her husband would be her virginity on their wedding night!

Well as you know my dad couldn't get over for the wedding to give me away on the day so you asked that friend of yours from Nigeria who works with you!

When we were on our way to the church I kept eyeing up his massive dick and in the end I asked the driver to stop the car and your mate Isaac took me up the cunt and the shitter with his massive 12 inch donkey dick!

That's why we were a bit late for the service!

You did your best with that flaccid little baby carrot of yours but once you've had an African black mamba inside you everything else pales into insignificance!

Isaac and I have decided to start a new life together in Africa and after what happened in the back of the car I think there'll soon be three of us!

By the way I've left a leaflet about penis extension on the kitchen table for you!

Thanks fior everything and take care!"

To listen to.your message again.press 1, to save the message press 2 , to delete the message press 3!

To return the call at your normal call rate press hash!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Well if that's not a special delivery then you tell me what is!

 

[newspaper_love]

i love chavs with newspapers.. eg sun , sport etc ....

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"You look really great Mohammed! All dressed up for Eid! Must have been tough not being able to eat and drink during daylight hours!"

"Not just that mate! No sex! My bollocks are practically scraping the ground they're so full of cum and my wife chooses this moment to go and visit her mother in Islamabad!"

"I hate to see anyone suffer! I'm sure that we can find you some relief! I'll just drop to my knees and give your Islamic todger the kiss of life and you should feel the benefit very very soon!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Go on I dare you! He's out for the count! He'll never notice your nose running gently up and down the crack of his arse!"

"Darent do.it mate! Don't trust myself!
You know what happens when a dog smells blood ! Well I'm the same when i smell shit!.

I'll be balls deep in that shitter before you can say:

"Fuck me sideways!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Happy to follow the instructions on your shirt mate!

The only problem is:

Do I do you doggy or stick an industrial strength brown paper bag over your head or just watch the expression of agony and ecstasy on your ugly mug as I empty two pints of cream up your filthy smelly shitter!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"He's smoking and I bet his arse is too!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"We don't open the Night Shelter for another hour mate! Sorry!"

"Well I was here last night as you know! I felt you were clocking my buns , burning a fucking hole in my arse till I went to bed!

I know you were doing the sleepovers last night and I was only separated from you by a thin partition wall!

Well you've got the key to my room so if you let me in now you can enjoy what you've been thinking about all day!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Excuse me mate sorry to bother you but I'm in the room next door! I've got a bottle I can't open!Can you give me a corkscrew!?"

"Well young man we ARE in the fair city of Cork and I'll certainly give you a screw!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Most nipples disoense milk but you appear to be advertising free spirit! Is access to your cock and arse free by the way!?

 

[Sniffademskidz]

There's a DIX R US opening in your town soon!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I only came to read the meter mate!"

"Well just another ten squats on my face and I'll call off the Rottweiler!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I'm sick to death of your attitude Pavel!

You've been in the Nightshelter two weeks now abnd you've been surly, unhelpful and downright rude and aggressive!

We have an expression in English for somebody who likes to go his own way with never a thought for anyone except themselves

We say that "they plough their own furrow !"

Now get in my office and lie on your back on my desk cos I'm gonna plough your furrow and fuck the attitude out of you as I go!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

:OK mate why don't you just hang a sign round your neck saying "RAPE ME!" cos you is hot as hell and and any taxi driver is gonna pick you up, park up in the first lay by and shag you senseless and being pissed as a fart yiou ain't gonna be able to put up any resistance!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Did you manage to pick up any bargains at the auction!?"

"Yep! Lot 69!

Free to a good home! A bit of wear and tear to the exhaust pipe but full service history available! Runs best on four star leaded!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Thanks Matt! A really great photo shoot for this month's edition of SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES!

Just need one more snap to illustrate " how to deal with a nosey neighbour!"

I'll set the camera to auto, slide my head under your arse and then stick my nose up your shitter playing the part of the invasive NOSEY neighbour!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Hey guys I have decided to extend this thread and add NERDS to the mix!

By NERD I refer to serious bespectacled guys, somewhat geeky, often loners and sometimes subject to bullying.

However, it has been my experience that such individuals are often blessed with massive schlongs and the tightest cutest little arses ever to grace a pair of sweatpants!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"This is my first interview so I'm a bit nervous! My teachers have told me that I am unlikely to get any GCSEs and jave said that I might with a bit of luck be taken on as a shelf filler at TESCO!

I am surprised that you asked me to strip down to my underwear for the interview though!"

"What you have to remember Adam is that we are always looking for ways to attract customers to our stores!

We try to keep our prices down and our product displays are often attractive but we can also make sure that the guys stocking the shelves provide eye candy for the punters!

Our CCTV cameras have already identified one guy who tried to sniff the arse of one of our work experience guys when he thought nobody was looking!

Quite frankly Adam you are as thick as shit but you've got an arse to die for and the job's yours if you want it!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"What are you boys up to?"

"We're bored Mr.Jones!"

"OK well I only live just round the corner! If you care to follow me I think I might have something that will interest you!"

When people say "I'm bored" remember that the verb "to bore" has two meanings!

The first and most common meaning is not to find interest or stimulation in anything!

The second as you will know from your woodwork lessons is to penetrate a piece of wood with a sharp tool like a drill!

Now all four of your are going to bend over my sofa and I'm going to pull down your dirty smelly pants!

Then I'm going to insert my tool into your virgin shitters !

Once I've finished you can tell me whether you were bored while you were being bored!

See I told you learning was fun!"