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Scally/Chav Lads

"Hey guys I'm 18 today and have had just about the best birthday anyone could have
hadThe only thing that's missing is for me to find someone who is willing to make a man of me! Any volunteers!?"
 

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"Can you hurry please Sir! You know I've got football practice at 6 o clock and it's gonna take us at least fifteen.minutes to walk down to that shed in the woods!"
 

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"Dead on time which is better bloody timekeeping than when you start work in the morning!

You're lazy and quite frankly fucking useless but I've gotta find a way of justifying to the rest of the staff why I'm keeping you on and laying off efficient workers with families to feed!

I suppose it's something to do with the fact that your shitter is an automatic magnet for my cock!

Now get on the back seat of my car, open your legs and show me why I'm prepared to lose the company money!"
 

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"This is your Scotland correspobdent Ben Tasaninebobnote reporting from near Ben Nevis and just waiting for the codeword "Ben Dover!"
 

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"I'm getting out tomorrow Mr.Jones!"

"That's right Maguire but just make sure you behave yourself during the next 24 hours! You don't want to put your "early release for good behaviour"in jeopardy!

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'd hate some word to get back ti the governor today that you hadn't played the game!"

"I like you Maguire...
Actually I've always liked you ......in fact I like you so much that I'm gonna give you a present before you leave!"

"What sort of present?"

"I'm gonna walk you back to.your cell, lock the door behind us, pull your pants down, stick my cock up your arse and send a few million of my little swimmers up your shut chute!"

"Please Mr.Jones...don't do this to me....at least use a condom. I don't want to start my time on the outside with an STD!"

"Sorry no can do Maguire! It's a tough world!"
 

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"This afternoon in PSHE boys we are going to look at sexual intercourse but as you know rather than stuffy old theory I like to do things using the practical method!

Tricky cos this is an all boys school so we are going to have to improvise a vagina!

Hey Danny you've got the peachiest little arse! Now drop your trousers and pants and lie on my table on your back!!

Now for our purposes today boys, Danny is a beautiful young virgin of the female variety! Well right in every respect except one!

( Boys titter)

Now as you can see my todger is rock hard and I'm now going to stick it in Danny's mancunt, thrust away for about five minutes until I feel a tingly sensation and then a creamy substance will shoot out of the end of my cock, up Danny's love tunnel and nine months later you will hear the patter of tiny feet!

Once I've shown you how to do it I want you to pair up and practise for yourselves! Is that clear boys!?"

"Yes Mr.Rockard!"
 

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"That's the quickest erection I've ever seen young man!"
 

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"This guy is known as "the Rottweiler!"

"Because he'll give you the hardest, roughest filthiest shag on the estate!?

"Not exactly! If he can't find anybody to screw when he's feeling horny he'll let himself into next door's flat when they're at work and screw their pet Rottweiler!"
 

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I hope you have enjoyed my posts over the last 18 pages but I think it is tine for me to take a step back and allow somebody else to contribute as I have no wish to monopolise the thread or the other two threads that I have started!

I hand the baton.over to whomsoever is willing to accept it!
 
If I were working at the Job Centre I'd certainly enrol this little baby on the course entitled

How to tickle the ears of yiur employer with yiur feet while he's 69ing you!"

Smelly feet, smelly arse....this boy is literally smoking!!!!!!
 

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Tall, lean, tanned with nice big smelly feet!

It gives new meaning to the Yuletide phrase

"I've just pulled a cracker!"
 
And here is the little cracker in question......
 

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This little cherubs literally fell off the back of a lorry (which had arrived illegally from Romania) and straight into my bed!!!!

I pay him minimum wage to do my cleaning but add a little bit extra if he does it in just his socks and underpants!

I leave him to his devices! He's a good little cleaner and I've told him that I'll try not to stick my nose in where it's not wanted but that could be difficult given that smelly sweaty crack that he's flashing at me most of the day!
 

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When you're at the top of a ladder and your mate comes up behind you to pass you some nails you know bloody well that he's got his nose as close to the crack of your arse as he dare without arousing suspicion!

Sometimes he forgets himself and you can feel his nose nudging its way into the seat of yiur trackie bottoms! You can even hear the audible sighs as he inhales deeply and hyperventilate on the smell of your skidmarks!
 

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T"here's a new promotional deal on Amazon Sir!

If you spend more than £100 you have the chance to sniff the delivery driver's arse and feet!

It's very popular and the bloke down the road just tried to fuck me because he'd spent £400 which he thought was worth more than a nose job!"
 

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You never know what you might find in a Skip!

As my old grandad used to say:

"Where there's muck there's money@"

....but I would extend that to include:

"Where there's muck there's cunny!"
 

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Guy Mitchell's famous 1956 song

"I've never felt more like singing the blues!"

has now been superseded by my very own:

"I've never felt more like SNIFFING the blues!"
 

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