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Scally/Chav Lads

"How many times have I told you about putting your feet on the seats!?

"I know you'd rather have them resting on your shoulders you dirty old cunt!"
 

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"Bet you can't run your nose up and down the crack of his arse without him waking up!"

"You must be joking! After what I put in his drink tonight I'll be able to send two pints up of my creamy jizz up his shitter without him even stirring!"
 

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"There's just something about this boy that really does it for me!

I can't put my finger on it although of course I'd like to!

In fact I'd like to put my finger right up it and not just one finger either!"
 

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I think we all have to agree that dating apps are really just glorified meat markets!

The communication between two people is characterised by such phrases as" I really appreciate your sensitivity !"or" I can see we might be soulmates !" where in actual fact these are simply euphemisms for:

"I want to pull your pants down and shag the arse off you!"

This young man has the right idea! No nonsense, cut out the middleman and quite apart from that he is as hot as hell and ideal boyfriend material!"
 

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"I can understand how you want to make a bit more money by going on the game but I'm afraid you are really going to have to work on your image and interpersonal skills!

There are lots of dirty pervy old men out there who can barely raise a smile let alone their cocks so it's up to you to flatter them and be as welcoming as you can!

Let's see which you can make wider.....the smile across your face or the gap between your arse cheeks when you pull them apart for your first punter!"
 

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"If ever a logo were open to misinterpretation it's got to be this one!

An open invitation to pull down the pants of these hunky delivery boys and dine in splendour!"
 

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"Can you tell me how much longer this photo shoot is going to last!?

It's just that a piece of bark from this tree has just splintered my arse! It's kind of enjoyable but I might need a tetanus injection at the end of it all!
 

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"Thanks for my Christmas socks!

When I've worn them for about five days I'm hoping that I will be eligible to take part in the charity sniffathon to raise money for the Homeless!

Of course you get a free sniff sweetheart!"
 

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-Which one of you is Stefan from Tesco Rentboys!? ( You can get anything at Tesco these days!)

-That's me!

-Ive booked you for 6pm!

-Are you taking me to a nice hotel!?

-You must be fucking joking mate! We're in an economic recession if you hadn't heard! I'll shag you here on the bench if you tell your friend to move over!

-Do you have a condom Sir!?

-Do you think I'm made of money!? I've got a few party balloons from my daughter's birthday!They'll do!

-It's fifty quid cash up front!

-Can I use my Tesco club card? You can double up the points with clothes- is it the same with this!?

-Sure- just swipe your card before we start! There's a little sensor on my perineum!

Just swipe down the crack of my arse and you can start stabbing my Swiss chocolate!
 

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"Do you really want to get expelled from this schoo!?

You pitch up here at 11am- no school uniform and break into the staff toilet to smoke weed!

Well your attitude stinks Jameson..... but not half as much as that tight little pucker hole of yours!

You've never missed a chance to flash that dirty smelly shitter of yours in my face you fucking little tease!

Now get in that fucking cubicle now, drop your trackie bottoms and grab your ankles!

I know you hate history but today you're going to make it cos I'm going to make you fucking pregnant!
 

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This guy can hardly be classified a chav!

He is 26 year old Swedish table tennis champion!

Not sure about his PING but I'd happily.check out his PONG!
 

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"For God's sake Ryan your mum could come in at any time!"

"Relax Sir, she likes you and knows you're a good tutor!"

"We can just say that we were working on a Maths problem together:

Count the humber of hairs round Ryan's pucker hole, then multiply by the number of his bollocks and divide by the number of teachers that have fucked him in the gym changing room this week!"
 

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This guy is just filth personified and you know full well that he would drop his grey sweatpants in the middle of the shopping precinct and let you have your wicked way with him for the price of a burger and chios and a packet of Rothmans cigarettes!

While it is easy to be scornful of such individuals in our society they do in fact provide a very valuable service for men like myself who are always on the look out for drop dead gorgeous hunks to satisfy their perverted craving for on the spot sexual gratification!
 

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