Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

-Yes young man what's your question!?

-I'm Sammy from Safend in Essex and my question is:

"I really like your feet and I think you look really sexy in them black socks! Can I sniff 'em!?

-Oh my God! We're live on air here! I thought you said these questions had been vetted!

-They have been vetted Prime Minister and we are a unanimous in wanting to know the answer!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-My flatmate's walked off with my key to the flat so I can't get in till he comes back!

-I haven't got the money for a hotel room.

-It's OK we can shag in the lift! I know a special trick to get it stuck between floors so no-one can get in or out!

Fine! I'll wait for you at the lift door!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I was hoping dinner would be on the table when I got home!

-As indeed it is little step brother!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I'm afraid we've run out of cream Sir but if you keep running your cock along the edge of the counter it won't be long before you have enough of your own!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This could be an interesting encounter!

26 year old English footballer Max Killman in red plays fir Wolverhampton Wanderers and 34 year old German Toni Kroos in white was born in Griefwald ( Griffin Forest!)

Would love to see Max wandering all over Toni's forest and both players seem up for it!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Jose Riquelme if you ever decide to take up cricket which is extremely unlikely you will definitely need to wear a BOX to fend off the attacks of any bowler worth his salt!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"You've obviously got a lot on your mind mate as indeed i have, my first dilemma being how am I going to get my hands on those malodorous pants and socks in which you have just clocked up forty miles on your bicycle! Mmmm!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

It's really annoying when I come to do my gardening shift and the owner of the house drives off without leaving the garden shed open!

I've got to put in all these new plants with no trowel!

I suppose I'll have to whip out my trusty all purpose trouser truncheon to make the holes in the soil!

It's a really handy tool and nobody should leave the house without one!

As well as making holes in doughnuts, it can make the holes in roads when the pneumatic drill packs up and will certainly make a decent job of pruning her bush when she gets back from shopping!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-What seems to be the problem Sir!?

-Well my radiator is overheating and is about to boil over and I think my nuts need loosening!

I think I should be able to help you out there!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

We're not hear to give advice at Samaritans just to support you so you just tell us as much or as little as you want to!

Well the thing is that I've just shat myself and I've got no clean pants with me!

Just as well your sofa is brown!

I'm sure we can get you cleaned up in no time!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-You're the best English teacher I've ever had Sir!

-Well I try to go along the practical mode of teaching if I can.

-To think that I had never heard of the idiomatic expression

"to say something tongue in cheek"

and yet I now understand it in every sense!

I aim to please Simon and I aim to please myself into the bargain!"!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-When the fuck are you going to give up that filthy habit!?

I'm sick of kissing an old ashtray night and morning!

Haven't you read the warning on the packet:

"Cigarettes can seriously damage your health!"

-Well next time you pull down my pants and have a go on my arse I'll make sure there's a sign saying:

"RIMMING A CHAV CAN SERIOUSLY DISCOLOUR YOUR TONGUE!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Brandon Williams, Brandon Routh, Brandon Jones, Brandon Flynn..........

"Brand on.....the only name guaranteed to give you a hard on!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

A daisy is gold
a chrysanthemum pink
but rosebuds are brown
and those fuckers stink!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

JORDAN PICKFORD!

"Now I know why he was christened Jordan.....'cos once you've crossed the River Jordan you'll find yourself in the Promised Land!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

I've never been a shopping snob!

Some people who shop at Waitrose look down on me because I shop at Lidl and Aldi!

Others can't understand why I am always looking for bargains in Primark!

.....and you'll be surprised what some people will throw away so just take a trip down to the council dump and you'll be amazed what you can pick up!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I can't say that I approve of every innovation in the fashion world but that's one development I won't be turning my nose up at although I might well be wedging my nose UP it!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

My idea of Heaven!

The Manchester City first team discard their sweaty knickers after training!

John Stones, Phil Foden, Jack Grealish......the smell of their arseholes rolled into one.......

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"My name is Sheik Soubir and I would like to.offer two camels for the boy in grey sweatpants sitting on the steps!

I have heard of the book "50 shades of grey" and when I get him alone in my tent and take down his panties I hope to find "50 shades of brown!" Mmmmm!

Please to remember the Islamic proverb:

"A woman for duty, a boy for pleasure but a melon for ecstasy!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Do you understand any English at all?

Not that it matters of course! I don't want to discuss Einsteins theory of relativity with you!

Although Newton's law of gravity might be more appropriate as I question how long my cock head points skywards up your arse before it droops towards the ground!

Just get in that cubicle you horny fucker!"