Scared out of my mind of HIV/AIDS!!

[shygay19]

In the closet, I found my first boyfriend/partner of my life over the internet.
I was really depressed and didn't have any confidence in myself whatsoever.
I let him have unprotected (bottoming) anal sex with me and come. Have had sex with him like 14 times.

This was after we had been together for a month. He said he had tested negatively and I trusted him. His whole persona radiated honesty.

Now, 6 months later, I've heard from his friends that he is some sort of sex addict and a mythomaniac (lies compulsively about Everything, his whole identity is just made up) and that he has had others on the side ever since we first met. I dont know but he could easily have met like 15 guys or something. I feel sick just thinking about ut! :\

I'm feeling like shooting myself just for getting misused, but my fear of AIDS / HIV is even greater. I've done a test but I won't get a good answer in 3 week since I recently was with him.

I'm doing all these computations and I've come up with a risk of like 10-25% that I've gotten HIV. I dont know if I'm overexagerting though. Since I'm still in the closet and ALREADY very depressed I know that I wont live if I've gotten it. I would never have the energy to live through that. I barely have it now.

I feel like I've been robbed of life, and I can't even begin to grasp that the first time I was feeling love, was actually just a sociopaths manipulation and that I'm now my life is in danger!!

I'm literally petrified and in chock 24/7 and it doesnt go away.
I dont know why Im writing. Im just scared. Maybe someone has gone through something similiar. Probably not...

 

[BenF]

Why don't you go and get a HIV test - it is the only way that you can get closure on this.

You can go to a Genito-urinary clinic where you will be treated in complete confidence, people there don't care about your sexuality.

DO NOT use a home testing kit, you sound like you need some pre and post test counselling.

 

[shygay19]

Why don't you go and get a HIV test - it is the only way that you can get closure on this.

You can go to a Genito-urinary clinic where you will be treated in complete confidence, people there don't care about your sexuality.

DO NOT use a home testing kit, you sound like you need some pre and post test counselling.

I've done a first test. Then Ill do another one in 3 weeks. This was just to make me calmer. I get the results on Monday.

But its not helping. I feel like Im breaking apart

 

[shygay19]

Is several episodes (receptive unprotected anal + ejaculation) = HIV?
What is the risk / episode?

God.. :\

 

[KaraBulut]

shygay19:

There are no statistics on what you're asking for. This is not something that we would be able to study because of the ethical implications.

Your chances are based solely upon the status of your partner. Since you do not know the status of your partner, you will not be able to know if you have been infected or not until you have been through the tests.

I can give you some reassurance if I understand your post. You said the last time you had sex with this person was 6 months ago? If that is correct and if you have tested "HIV negative" in a recent test, then your chances of a positive test from this episode are very low.

Why? There are two types of tests for HIV- one type of test that looks specifically for the virus (these are expensive and are not normally used for initial screening) and the second type (which is what you probably had) is a screening test that looks for signs that your body has reacted to HIV by producing antibodies.

The antibody tests- the kind that you had as your "first test"- if done through a doctor's office or clinic are very reliable (home tests are not always reliable). We know from studies done on people who were accidentally exposed to HIV that most people produce antibodies within 30 days of exposure. If the last time you had sex with this person was 6 months ago, then you are well past the normal point at which people produce antibodies after an exposure.

In spite of his answer, you need to get counseling. There are reasons why you find yourself in this predicament. One of them is because you knowingly put your health at risk. The other reason that you are in this situation probably has a lot to do with your self-esteem and your depression. You need to deal with these issues so that you do not have to go through this ever again.

 

[shygay19]

It was one week ago we had sex.
Have been having sex for 6 months :\

 

[oz_doc]

Is several episodes (receptive unprotected anal + ejaculation) = HIV?
What is the risk / episode?

God.. :\

While id agree with karabulut that its difficult to study this, retrospective studies have been done. They found that the risk of transmission per episode of unprotected anal sex was between 0.8% and 3.2%. This is a big range because of the difficulties of conducting such research and powering it enough to get good data.

As youve been having sex till recently you will need some more testing, but the test you have had means it is almost certain you have not been infected by your early episodes of intercourse, if you do intend to sit down with the numbers ive given and do a risk calculation you can possibly reassure yourself those first occasions are unlikely to be significant. I would think follow up test at 3 months and depending on policy where you get tested maybe again at 6 months would be what you will need. please make sure you practice safe sex till then.

I also think you should probably get tested somewhere not anonymous, you need pre and post test counselling by a regular doctor who can follow this up with you. personally i think anonymous testing is great for routine spot checks but terrible for people who have specific concerns or anxiety as you dont get the psychosocial support and follow up you need along with the test.

 

[bluedragon4]

We have all been there. I was starting to bareback in my 20's. Not a lot but one guy actually came in me. It freaked me out!!! I gave up all anal sex for 6 years. I was really proud of myself. I did bareback with my last bf but we dated for 5 years. I have only had 2 anal sex partners in 10 years. Take this experience and always remember how scared you felt. You can turn this around! Just try to stay calm. Monday is not that far away. I wish you luck and am thinking of you.