Screwed up with a friend.. what to do next??!!

[racer2438]

I'd wait a bit and then talk to him in person, not cell/phone/text.

And apologize for what did, but find out what you did and made him mad.

You may have outed him with out knowing. If you said anything to his mom.

either way what ever you did pissed him off good, and being that you kept calling and bugging him for something than could have waited till next day. is beyond me,

as you see what this did...

 

[Dutch182]

Give him some space. Sounds like he's going thru something with his parents.

If he's not out to then maybe they are guessing and quizzing.

A buddy of mine, his parents started guessing and they said they would kill him rather than have a gay son. Freaks.

So, give him some space.

 

[rareboy]

Next time, don't be such an annoying asshat.

Just leave him alone. Period. You've done enough and any more will just make things worse.

 

[G-Lexington]

Sure, if you want it to. Friendships can end over anything or nothing. But if you really realize what you did was kinda dickish, and you're really sorry and it won't happen again, then go apologize. In person. "Sorry I was such a needy little bitch last night with the calls and texts. I was way out of line." Then let it die, and let him take it from there.

Lex

 

[trawler69]

Do he and / or his parents know that you are Gay? If the answer is yes then the reason for his reaction may be explicable. However you did over react and he may have read something into that. Do you fancy him or have feelings for him in that direction? The answers to these questions might help to work out just what might be going on.

 

[Lube]

OK, I'm totally lost.

You come onto the Coming Out forum to tell us that you made an annoyance of yourself to your straight friend, and that when you saw him and he said he didn't want to talk to you because he had something important to discuss with his mom...

you FREAK OUT and think your friendship is over?

You need to step back and take a deep breath.

 

[Lube]

and btw, the forum is called "Coming Out, Relationships & Bisex Talk"...

Well I suppose then that we should start threads about whether Aunt Alice and Uncle Bert are getting along these days.

 

[trawler69]

I was just trying to work out what may have been going on in his head. For instance you say he knows you are Gay but doesn't know you have feelings for him. However the way you behaved could easily send that message like the texting and calling etc. Maybe his Mum is asking about who you are, you did say you spoke to his parents.

What I am getting at is that maybe he feels uneasy knowing that you are Gay and may be worried that it will reflect on him. Straight people can be every bit as insecure as Gay people and very often more so.

The only reason I asked the questions was to try to better understand what might be going on.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I already did that.. but not in person, I called him and he didn't pick up so I sent him an SMS... I don't know what else to do.

If you've sent him a "Sorry I was a prick" e-mail/voice mail, you've done what you can. Let him calm down, and let him call you back.

Lex

 

[spencer]

he's not gay....



easy there crisco.... I realize all these stuff now...



That's probably what's going on.. and he's very secretive usually, he doesn't like talking... but I didn't know that at the time....

he knows.. his parents don't.. I don't even know them and he would never tell them... but how is that related?!



I do have feelings for him but they're just the same old "gay guy has a crush on straight best friend" thing... and again, I don't see how that's related considering he doesn't even know that....



good point about the freaking out thing.. I do that a lot... and btw, the forum is called "Coming Out, Relationships & Bisex Talk"...

appreciate it... I never thought of it that way... I just wanna talk to him at the moment but I'll wait a couple of days...



If you'd like to, nobody can stop you.. last time I checked, this was a free world...

I already did that.. but not in person, I called him and he didn't pick up so I sent him an SMS... I don't know what else to do

These are the posts of someone OBSESSIVE AND NEEDY. Stop it. He'll be able to accept how needy you were on his own terms. You gave him an apology text and downplayed it and now the ball is in your court.

Give it a week and call him and leave a message and ask him if he is doing ok. Then guage it from there.

Don't call, message, stalk, text him, especially in the same manner that got you in the position you are now. You said what you needed to, it's done. Let him make the next move. You must wait for it.

 

[texan_slant]

Holy smokes! This is already too much needless energy spent. You have to give him some space (let him come to you), apologize, and let it go.

 

[rareboy]

It'd kill me knowing I drove someone away from me...

Oh somehow I doubt it.

I'll bet you just keep pushing and pushing at the limits all the time to see how far you can go before you push too far.

And then, I doubt if you're as upset about the other person's feelings as you are about them being mad at YOU.

I agree with Spencer. Obsessive and needy.

Work on this.

 

[StlKj]

These are the posts of someone OBSESSIVE AND NEEDY. Stop it. He'll be able to accept how needy you were on his own terms. You gave him an apology text and downplayed it and now the ball is in your court.

Give it a week and call him and leave a message and ask him if he is doing ok. Then guage it from there.

Don't call, message, stalk, text him, especially in the same manner that got you in the position you are now. You said what you needed to, it's done. Let him make the next move. You must wait for it.

what if he doesn't accept how needy I was and cuts off the friendship??!! It'd kill me knowing I drove someone away from me...

Oh somehow I doubt it.

I'll bet you just keep pushing and pushing at the limits all the time to see how far you can go before you push too far.

And then, I doubt if you're as upset about the other person's feelings as you are about them being mad at YOU.

I agree with Spencer. Obsessive and needy.

Work on this.

trust me rareboy, I know I'm obsessive and needy and I don't like it all that much... but I also know that I DO care about my FRIENDS' feelings and not just about them being mad at me....

Here's a thought. When you ask someone for their take on something, or when you ask for advice, at some point when they're all telling you the same thing, you should stop explaining yourself, or defending yourself, and just say, "Okay." Then you just shut up and really think about what you have been told and how it applies to you.

You've had some very good insight shared with you by the posters above--now absorb it, learn from it and just chill a while. Your need to be heard is part of what got you into this; you've been heard, now listen.

 

[rareboy]

^ excellent guidelines.

 

[Lube]

That's it? No details of what the problem was or how you fixed things?

All these people spend all this time on your 'problem' and you say 'never mind'?

 

[texan_slant]

That's it? No details of what the problem was or how you fixed things?

All these people spend all this time on your 'problem' and you say 'never mind'?

This is very well-said! I concur.

 

[G-Lexington]

Good. Not that he had family problems, but that it's been resolved. Now take your lessons from it, OK?

Lex

 

[spencer]

just stop being such a difficult friend.

straight guys that have gay friends give more slack cause in their minds they know why you're dramatic. straight guys that are friends with closeted guys just think that you act like bitches.

like I said, just be a normal friend. don't play the game of why isn't he calling me, don't take it personal because you never know (like in this case) what is going on in his world (family problems, work or school problems or just not being in a good mood). In all cases, he likely won't tell you and all you'll see is him not calling you. Then you get obsessive again will say, what did I do wrong, is it over, did he end my friendship.

he let you be needy, now you let him be a guy and stop forcing him to contact you. be a friend and not pushy. otherwise if you push him enough, you will push him away. he will realize that it's easier to not be your friend than it is to be your friend.

believe me, I do the same thing


oh and do yourself a favor and get some friends that you aren't attracted to. that way you have something to do to distract you from waiting for this guy to call. cause he won't call as often as you like and it will hurt your heart.