Secret Admirer Letter

[DualPurpose]

There's this guy I really like but I'm not sure if he is gay / bisexual. I'm in my final year of secondary school. I'm 18.

First incident was when we were on a train together. A group of four, including me, wanted to sit next to each other, but on the way home, the teachers decided to take the seats we had taken and I was left with the person I didn't want to be with (i.e. not the guy I like). Long story short, he ended up sitting on my knee, and he seemed really comfortable. He was standing up one moment and I actually had the biggest hard-on staring at his ass, so, without thinking, pulled him down so his ass felt my dick... He pretended to be disgusted for a few seconds and then continued on as normal.


Back in school, he would constantly smile at me and kind of stare into my eyes if I passed him in the corridor, and once or twice he'd kind of jokingly ask me to hug him and I would be right up against his chest as he's taller than me. In Ireland, you might jokingly hug someone but not in an intense way like that. But then it got awkward and after a while he'd just say 'Hi'. I didn't know what to do so gradually I started to sound odd (not deliberately) and we stopped the 'Hi', 'Hello', smiling — after a while.

Recently though I said hi to him and he actually seemed really happy about it... and over the past two or three days he's kind of gone out out his way to say hello even when he's not in my sight or in my direction. For example, I hadn't even noticed he was there and I heard my name being called and I turned around to see him there pretending he didn't do anything as a joke, and then he turned around to laugh, smile and say hello. It was kind of awkard so I just said 'Hi' and put my hand up (we were a few metres apart).

Other signs are he just generally smiles a lot –– he does a lot of gay things as a joke like cramming people into small spaces with himself, like the gap between the lockers, etc. I just get this vibe, and I HOPE I'm right. Maybe my bi-dar is/isn't working.

Anyway, I want to put a Secret Admirer letter in his locker. Any idea what I should say without freaking him out? I want him to be intrigued even if he isn't gay or bisexual. And most of all I want a way for him to get a response to me. Someone that is just really simple and doesn't require any effort. I would be happy if I got a 'no, I'm not gay or bi' response than none at all. I was thinking something like him drawing a star on his locker or something like that and a square for no. But what I CERTAINLY do not want him to do is to show the letter to his friends...I want it to be a bit embarrassing, and no-one can know.

But then he has to trust the person behind the letter and want to reply without throwing it in the bin or laughing about it. And I don't want him to think I'm trying to expose him or anything. Just in case, I want to disguise my hand writing either by typing it or something but I still of course want it to feel personal.


Thanks so much Guys!

DP.

 

[DualPurpose]

Wishful thinking he wouldn't know who it's from. You might as well sign your name and include your phone number.

Well I want to know if he is gay or bisexual first. I do know what a Secret Admirer letter is, you know! lol

You see if he isn't gay then I don't exactly want him knowing that I am.

And another amazing coincidence, your username is nearly identical to his name! I'm sorry that is just really freaky since you are the first person to post.

DP.

 

[DualPurpose]

Well, I'm a secret admirer of you, and I didn't even sit on your lap!

You know, you're not really being helpful here!

DP.

 

[Kyanimal]

"Hey, Awesome Dude!

When I look directly into your eyes, I could stare for hours, but can only stand to hold your gaze for a little while.

When you smile at me my knees get weak.

When I'm close enough to you to feel your natural heat, I nearly faint.

I wish I could tell you these things, and others, directly to your handsome face, but since I'm another guy, that wouldn't be "kewl". Or, would it?

You already know me pretty well. You seem to like me O.K., and I don't want to loose our friendship by freaking you out about how I Really feel about you.

But, I also feel that I have to let you know that there is more to me than you already know, especially when it comes to You.

I hope this isn't making you uneasy. Actually, I truly hope that you might, just Might, feel the same things that I do.

So ... on the slight chance that there is any possibility that we could become closer than we already are ... please leave a response at (name a place he can drop a note that only you will get ... like at page #, in unused/obscure book "X", in the school library) ... even if your answer is a "No".

Cheers!"

Think something like that might do?? Good Luck!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[DualPurpose]

"Hey, Awesome Dude!

When I look directly into your eyes, I could stare for hours, but can only stand to hold your gaze for a little while.

When you smile at me my knees get weak.

When I'm close enough to you to feel your natural heat, I nearly faint.

I wish I could tell you these things, and others, directly to your handsome face, but since I'm another guy, that wouldn't be "kewl". Or, would it?

You already know me pretty well. You seem to like me O.K., and I don't want to loose our friendship by freaking you out about how I Really feel about you.

But, I also feel that I have to let you know that there is more to me than you already know, especially when it comes to You.

I hope this isn't making you uneasy. Actually, I truly hope that you might, just Might, feel the same things that I do.

So ... on the slight chance that there is any possibility that we could become closer than we already are ... please leave a response at (name a place he can drop a note that only you will get ... like at page #, in unused/obscure book "X", in the school library) ... even if your answer is a "No".

Cheers!"

Think something like that might do?? Good Luck!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

Chaz, that is actually really perfect. Thanks so much! Will try it in a few days...

DP.

 

[looseliam]

How about getting to know the lad a bit more, first?

 

[KaraBulut]

In a word: Man-up.

Forget about the secret admirer letter and just ask him out.

You have a crush. It's cute but because you're allegedly 18 and not 15, you need to be confident and talk with him like an adult instead of writing anonymous notes or just smiling at each other.

If you ask him to go grab something to eat or to go to a soccer game, it doesn't have to be "a date". It is a way to talk and get to know each other. If he's gay and there's chemistry, you'll know after talking. If he's not gay, you may find a friend.

 

[texan_slant]

How about getting to know the lad a bit more, first?

I totally agree.

Writing a letter from a "secret admirer"? Isn't that something that 12 year old girls do?

UM, this is what I thought; not unless the OP is a young 'un!

FYI, if you drop him a note, there is a chance that he'd share it with friends.

 

[spencer]

He is friendly with you every day, talks to you, smiles at you and you haven't asked him to hang out after school why?

Get to know him by being his friend, hang out with him. Then come out to him and maybe he'll come out to you.

The letter will do nothing.

 

[Kyanimal]

Guys ... Let's all keep in mind that DP is "only" 18. If you can remember back that far, things can seem a lot more intimidating than they actually are ... as we learn later in life. He has not yet gained the perspective where he can look back and go !! So ... let's cut him a little slack. Hmmm?

Yes! It would be far better to "come out" face to face. No doubts about that! But, when the possibilities of rejection, and possible exposure to everyone else, are so critical, and uncertain, to his social standing in school, and to his friend, the idea of a note will serve to get his feelings out in a "safer", more secure, way.

Is it the best way? Not necessarily. But, at least it's one avenue of communication that can serve to keep both parties "safe".

It still might freak his friend out! His friend might get paranoid of Everyone! However, on the other hand, if his friend has similar feelings, and is "afraid" himself, it can also let him know that he's not alone, and that there is someone who feels the same way.

WE don't know all of the specifics of DP's situation. He has to be the judge of how to best cope in his environment, and only HE can do that.

I'm all for supporting him in what he chooses to do! I sincerely wish him the very best! And, if this is a route that he wishes to take, considering all of the consequences, I encourage him to try it, and see where it might lead. None of us Know until we Try ... Something!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[tommyj]

Let us know what happens!

 

[spencer]

You should at least be able to reciprocate the friendliness of this guy, back. At 18 you should be able to mind your P's and Q's. Ugh, I sound like the posters I usually call out

 

[Payton]

Have you ever seen this guy with girls at school? Has he been in relationships with females?

When I was in Secondary school, there was one guy who would constantly rub my thigh under the desk, and push himself up against me. He would always laugh it off and then go back to whatever he was doing.

Although there were times I just wanted to take him then and there, I had little doubt he had the same thoughts and interests that I did. If anything, he might have been curious enough to try something, but I don't truly believe he was gay.

Not only that, but if something were to escalade between us, even something minor, I don't believe things would've been good afterwards. I just don't think he was open enough to consider what feelings he may have had, and instead would’ve opted to hassle/ignore me, in order for self-assurance.

Not sure if that's any help to you, but if he sounds even remotely similar to what I've described above, or sounds like the attitude he may have towards your actions, then I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[DualPurpose]

Leave it to Chaz to say the right things! be wise to at least think about it.

Well that's all I can say. Chaz is really great. Almost like a much younger version of Dumbledore from Harry Potter!

Have you ever seen this guy with girls at school? Has he been in relationships with females?

I've seen people joke about him fancying girls, but as far as I know, no, he hasn't dated any girls. He does seem like the kind of guy who would be bisexual though, if that makes any sense.

When I was in Secondary school, there was one guy who would constantly rub my thigh under the desk, and push himself up against me. He would always laugh it off and then go back to whatever he was doing.

Although there were times I just wanted to take him then and there, I had little doubt he had the same thoughts and interests that I did. If anything, he might have been curious enough to try something, but I don't truly believe he was gay.

I have a friend like this. And he's not the one I'm after! Believe me it's really difficult when you have someone like this, isn't it? I even convinced myself that he was good looking... This friend definitely would be more curious to see what it 'feels' like but nothing more.

Not sure if that's any help to you, but if he sounds even remotely similar to what I've described above, or sounds like the attitude he may have towards your actions, then I wouldn't recommend it.

But my crush, well he's much more mature and more sensitive. I actually do believe that if I said it to him face to face he would get too upset. He's always on the top team in the school sport and stuff like that, but he's someone who wouldn't really be that worried about reputation. He'd be more worried about people disliking him. He's certainly not the 'popular' guy, but more a guy who who everyone likes — not idolizes.

Like I'm not trying to make it sound like I know him really well. I used to know him really well. But then he moved away from my town and since our school is in a central location, he travels there. It's not that we stopped being friends, but classes were shifted and mixed up and we gradually grew apart. The train journey occurred a bit after this.

Any thoughts?

DP.

I think I'm going to go ahead with a letter like the one Chaz posted.

 

[JUBuggy]

Think about how you would feel if you got a letter from someone saying they admired you, but you didn't know who sent it. You're asking him to identify himself as possibly being into guys without knowing exactly who you are. That's a big risk for him.... even if he is secretly into guys. He may be afraid that the letter is from a guy he doesn't really like that much.

Just something to think about, but good luck!