Secretly in love with my best friend HELP!!!

[cluedoking123]

So I have a friend that I've known for about two years now. When we first met we were fast friends, but that was it. I thought I was straight and we always hung out and had a great time. Then one day, almost a year into our friendship, I started developing these feelings for him. I was too scared to confide in anyone, because not only was I feeling attracted to a guy, he's my best friends, and a really close friend of everyone else in my group. It's been about 8 months now and the feelings have been getting stronger everyday. I think I'm starting to fall in love with him, which I just shouldn't be doing. He's straight, at least he says he is, and he's dating one of my closest friends. I know they have a sex life, granted not the best one. I just don't know what to do. He's really close with one of our other friends, who is like super straight, and they have this weird homo-erotic relationship. They like hold each other and the guy I like will kiss him on the head. I get super jealous whenever they do stuff like that. I know he also never really wants to have sex with his GF she always initiates, and sometimes he just asks to cuddle. I know I'm just holding on to little things in the hope that one day he'll come out and be with me, but I don't really know what to do. No one knows that I have a tendency to have feelings for men, they all think I'm just straight. I'm in a tough spot and I don't know what to do and being around him, while it makes me really happy to be with my best friend, it really hurts. What do I do?

 

[Seasoned]

The closet will make you crazy and obsessive. The only excuse for staying in the closet is the threat of physical harm. By remaining in the closet you are causing yourself serious emotional harm.

The guy likes you are will continue to like you after you come out. The notion of a physical relationship with him is a fantasy. Let him live his life, mistakes and all. Come out and live your life. You deserve to be yourself and to enjoy doing so.

 

[Durango95]

My best friend is straight. We have never done anything sexually. I've known him since third grade. He knows me better than anyone including boyfriends and partners. I love him above all others. Now that being said, am I in love with him? If he left his wife today and said let's go and have sex, I honestly don't know what my response would be. I've gone back and forth over the "I'm in love with him" thing so many times, I don't even know. When my partner died two years ago he came and stayed a week with me. He knew I needed him and he was there. He knew I'd had a long hard haul with the situation. My guy had an inoperable very rare type cancer. I just had to watch him inch ever closer to death for several months while being spaced out of pain meds....not a fun time at all.

We have always been very physically affectionate with each other. When we were young and lived together we did literally everything together. We slept in the same bed. We showered together. We gave each other back rubs. He did the bodybuilding thing for a while and I saved his everything. So there was nothing we didn't know or hadn't touched on the other guy. I can say I never got a boner during any of that....well morning wood but everybody gets that...even he did.

Ok the jealousy thing I totally get though. When he was doing the bodybuilding thing for a while he had a workout partner that took up a lot of his time. I mean they were constantly together. I'll be honest. I hated the guy. I looked upon him as an interloper on my turf. In fact the most hurtful thing my friend ever said to me was in connection with this situation. He told me that there were things he could do with him and feel completely comfortable. I got over it but, I'll tell you I was crushed. It was the first time in our whole friendship I ever felt second class.

I tell you this because maybe you don't know that love and sex aren't interchangeable terms. One has nothing to do with the other. You can love someone deeply maybe even to the point of being in love with them and never have sex.

 

[hylas]

youre closeted, so you probably feel isolated, lonely, sexually frustrated, and your dating prospects are extremely limited. in a situation like that, youre bound to give in to obsession (its kinda creepy how much detailed knowledge you seem to have about his sex life) and tie yourself up in emotional knots that are unsolvable and painful. the smart thing to do is to come out. not only will that improve your overall situation, but if your friend is gay, and if hes able to admit that to himself, and if hes into you, then hell approach you. yeah, i know its a tall order, but youll have to do it someday anyway, so why not now? good luck.

 

[Rolyo85]

It's a classic tale of a closeted boy who picks a close friend to crush on, subconsciously, because the friend is unattainable. In reality, you don't wanna do anything with him, but you need to feeling of being in love.

As people have already said to you - come out. Life will be so much better then.

 

[ryanboy]

I agree that you should come out. There may be a lot of fallout and you may go through a difficult time but in the long run it will have been for the best. Good luck.

 

[Durango95]

Maybe I'm missing something. Did you say that you were gay or leaning that way? From what was posted I gathered you were confused as to your affection for a male friend. Gay guys can only see through the gay lens. Gay guys tend to be rather myopic about male relationships. They can only see it one way. They all lend to sexual interaction. I count myself among that group. Age has taught me much about affection and interpersonal relationships. You need to answer the question as to whether you are wanting to have sexual intercourse with this guy. Strong feelings or affection do not mean anything as to sexual preference. Those baiting you to come out do not know you or your life story. If you are not gay there is no need to "come out". In actuality that would be a very bad thing. You need to think very carefully about this situation. The fact you are on a gay forum does say something, but what. You must decide. Do not be goaded into a position that will not be advantageous to you in the long run. Ther are some bells that are incredibly difficult to unring.

 

[Minimike20]

I can relate 100% to your story as mine with my friend is identical, I am in precisely the same boat with a friend of mine... Wish I could offer some advice but its also been 8 months since I started feeling that way and I still have not figured it out. Good luck!