Self-Esteem Check? Is Race an Issue?

[jensu846]

aww that sucks. If that's you in the avatar, then I find you hot. I have a weakness for dark skin guys, I think they are the hottest thing on the planet. Fuck the fatass for making you feel like shit. He probly rejected you first so you couldn't do it too him once you saw him. stupid games.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, a picture tells a story.

The picture that you've posted looks like a cam-sex picture. If that's the picture that you sent, the picture would probably be interpreted as "This guy is just looking for NSA sex".

On the other hand, if you sent a picture of you at a restaurant or with a group of friends or on vacation, it would say, "He's an average guy who likes doing fun things".

If you want to make it about how your look or your race- that's a convenient default. But if you want to get to the bottom of it, then try sending a typical/average picture vs the shirtless picture and try sending a clean-shaven pic vs a pic with facial hair. See what kind of responses you get. Then you'll have your answer.

 

[jensu846]

Very nice!!! yum.

 

[Telstra]

I think you have to not care so much about what you look like as long as you are fit and healthy.
Also Skype chat is a waste of time. Just exchange face pic and text away if you want hookups.

 

[Telstra]

Kara,

It was me in a muscle shirt, smiling, glasses, groomed, at a baseball game. Not sex related in the slightest.

Thanks Jensu LOL

Telstra, (cool name) it just felt like a huge rejection- it was me smiling and all and looking what I thought was “handsome” and boom! I was deleted. It was such a hit to the gut and I felt ugly but I guess you make a point Telstra. He missed out on a guy with heart.

It is his problems not yours.
He has issues as you said he is "fat" that is a turn off as well.

 

[txbonhomme]

I think you're a sexy guy, exoctic89, going by your pic and what you've posted. Don't ever think for one moment that you're ugly and unworthy because of your features. It's like what Telstra says, the problem is with the other people, not you. A lot of bigots have issues and hangups; they might be personal or with someone or something else, but instead of taking responsibility for themselves and confronting the real source of their problems, they'll scapegoat, blame others, take it out on them. Yeah, western society hasn't always portrayed people with dark features in a favorable light, but we're not biologically inclined to think of blond hair and blue eyes with a smooth muscular body as the one preferable way to look. We were taught and socialized to believe that, so we could could also be taught and socialized to consider guys like you as sexy, exoctic 89. That's what I'm doing, I'm spreading the word that hotness comes in different forms, maybe we could turn it into a movement. Hey, the new Miss America is a woman of East Indian descent who beat out a Blond, blue-eyed Kansas country girl, so we've gained some ground. I myself have dark features, but I don't conider myself ugly; I workout, I'm smart, I'm good at drawing, and I'm a decent man who tries not to treat others like douchbags. As long as I have all that, I'll never feel crappy about myself.

 

[medic1]

Mate,there is fuck all wrong with you,get your arse to Scotland,and you can peek up my kilt.....Nope,not a gun!

 

[pinkballoons]

Mate as an asian man I definitely know where you are coming from. I know it sounds awful but for the most part I feel so handicapped by my race. It's hard not to think that way especially when one runs across so many guys proclaiming their non-attraction to non-whites or whatever

 

[CowboyBob]

For what it's worth, I think you're a stud! Great picture.

Don't get too concerned about these internet hookups. Most of these guys have a fantasy of sexting with a porn star. Someone with a perfect face, perfect body, perfect skin, hair, teeth, 9.5" dick, etc and falls into a certain age. If you fail to meet all of the above criteria, to them you've not worth talking to. Being treated like a piece of meat isn't every appealing.

People that place value judgments on outward physical appearance are shallow and usually end up lonely and bitter. It all matters on what you think about yourself... if you know you're a good person and a catch then that's what matters. It's their loss because they'll never get to know you.

 

[bankside]

So maybe he was a racist dick.

Maybe the last hot guy he skyped with deleted him because he is fat, and his self esteem is shot and he thinks he's ugly, and you intimidated him with your features and your muscles so much that he couldn't deal with it.

Or maybe he got a better offer from someone else who thinks his body is totally the perfect type, and who doesn't see an equal trade-off in your "flaws" between him being fat and you being brown. To even the playing field??? Like because he's fat, he should have to put up with whatever he can get, even a brown guy?

And because just like you "know" he deleted you because you're not white, he "knows" you were only into his fat ass out of pity and "because he was nice on the inside."

 

[Benvolio]

The guys rudeness was inexcusable. But it was not necessarily race. I, and many others find body hair and facial hair to be a real turn off. Others, of course prefer them.

 

[youngnihilist]

I'm not going to deny race is an issue, but I've found that a lot of guys are really into cleancut. So beards, glasses, are going to hurt you too. An Indian guy who looks more stereotypically groomed, maybe lean, no facial hair, styled hair, pretty face, can do okay.

But yes people are horrible online too. Incredibly rude. Better to meet people in person if possible.

 

[Special K]

In my opinion, you are better off without such an obnoxious and racist piece of trash in your life. Either he accepts you exactly the way you are, and judging from the photograph you have provided above, you are a very handsome man, or he loses out on you. And by all accounts, he has chosen to lose out on you, which is all the better really, because now you can engage in a relationship with an open-minded, non-racist person, who will love you just the way you are. You should never accept second best, especially when it comes to love, don't comprise because you feel insecure about your appearance or anything else for that matter, always demand the love and respect that you deserve.

 

[Benvolio]

You should at least experiment with other grooming and appearances. What type are you trying to appeal to? What appearance do they prefer? The way they groom and dress is a good indication of the grooming they prefer. Do not jump to the conclusion that race is the controlling factor. If you insist on your present grooming then you should realize that you may appeal only to a limited portion of the guys you would like to meet.

 

[NewStart]

It's interesting that I came across this post today, cause I've been thinking about it the last week. Im of East Indian descent, and am visiting Aus these day's. I've met up with a number of non-white gay guys, and have heard similar stories from them. That people block them when they find out they're East or South Asian. A lot of profiles on Grindr explicitly say "Not fat, fems or Asians".

But should it impact your self-esteem? No. Just because some (or in case of Aus, many) people are being dicks, it doesn't not means that you're somehow less worthy.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Hmmm. Racism is born of ignorace or just inexperience with diverse people leaves one with only stereotypes. Racism, homophobia, whatever. But, do you have parameters or limits for who you skype, date, fuck, etc.? Bald, obese, old, southern, foreign? Sometimes ya just like what ya like. That said, I am surprised that this kind of rejection takes place, and saddened it is as widespread as you say. You really should avoid internalizing Internet behaviors. Men are pigs, but online, they are often rude assholes, too.