Self-inflicted scars

[BrainDamage]

Tell me it was real. Tell me what to do with it.

No. Don't tell me. I don't believe myself; I won't believe you either. Don't make it sound as if I'm so sure of myself.

What are you trying to do? What are you looking for? The same thing she's trying to find? Hope? Is that why she won't answer my questions? She's afraid of stamping out whatever hope she thinks still exists. No. She's be trained not to do so.

I told her on Thursday that I won't be going back. Mr. Phillyurban8 was right. No amount of therapy will "help." And I've been reminded of why it won't help. They need to know what you want. Without that information, they are crippled and powerless. I can't give them that information. I don't have it. I don't know how to get it. I don't know if I want it.





I am not well tonight. I don't know why.

 

[fetaby]

Tell me it was real. Tell me what to do with it.

No. Don't tell me. I don't believe myself; I won't believe you either. Don't make it sound as if I'm so sure of myself.

What are you trying to do?I'm trying to answer the questions I want answered. What are you looking for?Not much, I'm pretty content right now. The same thing she's trying to find?WHo is she? Hope? You're assuming again.Is that why she won't answer my questions?Is it possible she doesn't have the answers, the same way you don't have the answers. She's afraid of stamping out whatever hope she thinks still exists. No. She's be trained not to do so.Have you asked her that? OR are you inserting your thought processes over what is going on between the two of you? That's rude ya know.

I told her on Thursday that I won't be going back. Mr. Phillyurban8 was right. No amount of therapy will "help." And I've been reminded of why it won't help. They need to know what you want. Without that information, they are crippled and powerless. I can't give them that information. I don't have it. I don't know how to get it. I don't know if I want it.





I am not well tonight. I don't know why.

You do realize that this process is voluntary, you decided to go there, and you decided to not return. "They" want nothing. You are right on one count though, they are trained. Trained in a way that is reported by others to be of benefit. It may or may not benefit you, that is for you to decide.

The traditional thing to do when one is not well, is to go seek help.

You are in my thoughts tonight, now I'm going back to hot topic to laugh.

 

[BrainDamage]

I was crying earlier that night. It doesn't happen often at all, and when it does, I can never figure out why. Crying usually goes hand in hand with intense emotion, does it not? Maybe I was thinking too much again.

I equated crying with "not well." Weird. Why did I do that?

She still owes me an answer. What can I do about the scars? She said she will find out for me. I'm wondering what's taking her so long to contact me. I'm wondering why no one else along the way bothered to answer me. The answer exists I assure you. It's really the only answer I was looking for from them. It's unrealistic to expect them to be able to answer any of my other questions. People are predictable...and so boring.

As I said, they're only trained to help those who know what they want and what they want to change. Those with set imaginary goals. Tell me where one can get help to even begin to want to want that...

This is not helping, by your standards. I see myself drifting towards the edge again; a reflection of what happened two years ago. How kind of God to leave me wandering the empty abyss that is this world and a loaded pistol. We always have a choice. Why did He give you more choices than me? It's okay. Life isn't fair.

Why am I thinking like this? I don't understand.

 

[fetaby]

Why am I thinking like this? I don't understand.

And I'm not trying to flame on ya, or irritate you, or piss you off. But this is it.

It doesn't matter.


What does matter is that you recognize you don't understand. You don't have all the answers. What's clear to me, is that you don't enjoy. And that's something we've discussed at length in your last thread.

I may not know the answers. When I know I don't, and I WANT the answer, I go find someone or something that does.

This is my last post to you.

 

[BrainDamage]

And I'm not trying to flame on ya, or irritate you, or piss you off. But this is it.

It doesn't matter.


What does matter is that you recognize you don't understand. You don't have all the answers. What's clear to me, is that you don't enjoy. And that's something we've discussed at length in your last thread.

I may not know the answers. When I know I don't, and I WANT the answer, I go find someone or something that does.

This is my last post to you.

So, you choose to want the answer...

Are we not friends anymore? Good 8)
I think my time here is coming to an end as well and I choose not to want you to ...

I used to cut myself, burn myself and many other things for which I still have scars. The physical pain that I caused myself was nothing compared to the emotional pain that I dealt with and continue to deal with (to some extent) over ten years later. I am curious to see how you find the strength to deal with your situation and I'm hoping that you will do a better job of it than I did.

I will not have any wisdom to share with you.

 

[BrainDamage]

Wait.

Choose to want...

Why choose?

Do you want to choose?

Wow, I need fresh air.

 

[El Masturbador]

I used to cut myself when I was a teenager. Actually I used to cut myself well into my twenties. Actually I just spent Sunday cutting my arm. It looks kinda cool. Scarification... that in itself is a culture of sorts. It feels good, it's a grounding mechanism. It can be bad I suppose if it gets out of hand. Or if you go too deep. I cut myself when I feel ugly, or like a loser, or when I can't shake off depression. Then afterwards I feel light.

 

[Retrograde]

I hate looking at my scars, Because they are tied to memories and am considering laser surgery or something. Vitamin E oil has helped quite a bit.

The thoughts still cross my mind but very rarely.