Self (sexual) Accetance Problem

[backseatboy]

I'm having an issue I'd never thought I'd have. I'm finding it hard to accept that I'm a sexual person. I used to be overweight and have toned up a lot (225 to 175 6ft tall). I didn't feel attractive for most of my life and now I'm on the scene and have been really lucky with meeting the guys I've always been attracted to. It's hard to believe that "it's" happening, you know?

I've been out for about 5 years now, I'm 22 now, and slept with a guy for the first time last August. Since then I've had sex/oral frequently (safer-sex every time). I loved it, wanted it, but still have a hard time embracing it. Deep down I feel kinda slutty b/c I've been with 4 people, and have taken a break from the scene. I thought it was because I desired a relationship/commitment, but I really don't. Most of my friends are shocked to see me like "this" because they know the shy, overweight version of me. So that isn't helping either.

I'm also raised southern baptist until I was 15 and have always been told sex is bad, sex is "straight", abstinence until marriage stuff. Even typing "I really like sex" is not easy. I'm kinda looking to just talk about it, or read advice from anyone who offers. I really want to feel free to explore my sexual side; often I'm more horny than I let on. But a part of my brain is holding me back. Is this block something that will just topple with time?

thanks,

 

[landers]

I'm going to point fingers at your southern baptist upbringing.

As for what to do...do you watch porn? watching lots and lots of porn might desensitize you to to sex a bit, make it seem a bit more normal.

 

[castoono]

Sexuality is a way of communication with others. Let's say you were deaf before, and all of a sudden it seems that everybody wants to talk to you. And you feel you are into the game, very much of it, very soon.
I would give myself a short break, but not give up, little by little you'll find that is normal that you feel "it's" happening to you. And congrats for all that, it'll be for good, for sure.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

In what ways do you feel you are being held back? I'm kind of confused.

 

[Telstra]

I'm having an issue I'd never thought I'd have. I'm finding it hard to accept that I'm a sexual person. I used to be overweight and have toned up a lot (225 to 175 6ft tall). I didn't feel attractive for most of my life and now I'm on the scene and have been really lucky with meeting the guys I've always been attracted to. It's hard to believe that "it's" happening, you know?

I've been out for about 5 years now, I'm 22 now, and slept with a guy for the first time last August. Since then I've had sex/oral frequently (safer-sex every time). I loved it, wanted it, but still have a hard time embracing it. Deep down I feel kinda slutty b/c I've been with 4 people, and have taken a break from the scene. I thought it was because I desired a relationship/commitment, but I really don't. Most of my friends are shocked to see me like "this" because they know the shy, overweight version of me. So that isn't helping either.

I'm also raised southern baptist until I was 15 and have always been told sex is bad, sex is "straight", abstinence until marriage stuff. Even typing "I really like sex" is not easy. I'm kinda looking to just talk about it, or read advice from anyone who offers. I really want to feel free to explore my sexual side; often I'm more horny than I let on. But a part of my brain is holding me back. Is this block something that will just topple with time?

thanks,

Yes. Religion tells you sex is sinful. If you don't believe religion anymore, then sex is good and not sinful.

 

[HunterM]

I think you have a difficult time accepting compliments from others.

As your therapist, repeat after me.

"Safe sex is good. Safe sex is good. Safe sex is good. And I'm a good looking man. I'm a good looking man. I'm a good looking man."

Do you feel better now?

Good. That'll be $150

 

[backseatboy]

I'm going to point fingers at your southern baptist upbringing.

As for what to do...do you watch porn? watching lots and lots of porn might desensitize you to to sex a bit, make it seem a bit more normal.

I watch porn for sure. I'm thinking about getting some toys, too.

In what ways do you feel you are being held back? I'm kind of confused.

It's kind of a combination of a few things. I act shy until someone pulls me out of my shell. I never initiate b/c I feel like I'm out of my league. Plus, I don't really have anyone to talk to about my sexual encounters with. Most of my friends are virgins so I feel kinda undercover, and I feel kind of shameful about that. Does that clear it up?

 

[backseatboy]

I think you have a difficult time accepting compliments from others.

As your therapist, repeat after me.

"Safe sex is good. Safe sex is good. Safe sex is good. And I'm a good looking man. I'm a good looking man. I'm a good looking man."

Do you feel better now?

Good. That'll be $150

You're totally right about that. I get very uncomfortable when people compliment me.

I hope you accept PayPal?

 

[Seasoned]

I'm not sure that little, planted voice ever goes away, but it can get drowned out.

My family repeatedly called be a sissy, but I grew up built like my blue collar dad. Once I began exploring my true sexual orientation and guys started to refer to me as butch new voices overtook the old.

As a teen I'd promise myself I wouldn't masturbate immediately after I had and sometimes even cried because I couldn't stop. It took time, but once I realized that I had been given the wrong message I let go of the old, well, 99% of the old.

Personally, I don't think it's possible to totally rid one's self of programmed messages, but it is certainly possible to over ride them. The key is to be careful not to turn to substances like alcohol, drugs, food, or even sex when one's intellect doesn't match one's emotions.

Everyone has a different idea of the value of sex. Some treat it lightly; other's see it as a near religious experience. The real key is to find what's right for you within the context of your actual values, which could evolve and change. Consenting sex with a partner capable of granting consent ought to be guilt free. We are sexual beings. We are entitled to explore our sexuality with consenting partners. Dogma or organizations that interfer with that basic need and desire are attempting to control others for purposes they really can't explain.

American culture has a lot of shame attached to the "diapered area" and this leads to a lot of damage and hang ups as we get older. Your intellect is capable of sorting out what is right and wrong for you.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm also raised southern baptist until I was 15 and have always been told sex is bad, sex is "straight", abstinence until marriage stuff. Even typing "I really like sex" is not easy. I'm kinda looking to just talk about it, or read advice from anyone who offers. I really want to feel free to explore my sexual side; often I'm more horny than I let on. But a part of my brain is holding me back. Is this block something that will just topple with time?

The question here- unanswered- is whether this is about things you were told about sex nearly a decade ago... or whether this is about the fat kid in your head not matching the in-shape kid that you've become.

Maybe now that you've gotten your body in shape, it's time to get your mind in shape? You didn't like your body, so you changed it. If you don't like your self-image, work on that with the same ferver that you did in losing weight. If you're not happy with the bad programming you got compliments of the Southern Baptist Convention, then find a church and a value system that supports who you are instead of tearing you down for who you are.

These things can be changed. But only you can change them.

 

[backseatboy]

Personally, I don't think it's possible to totally rid one's self of programmed messages, but it is certainly possible to over ride them. The key is to be careful not to turn to substances like alcohol, drugs, food, or even sex when one's intellect doesn't match one's emotions.

Everyone has a different idea of the value of sex. Some treat it lightly; other's see it as a near religious experience. The real key is to find what's right for you within the context of your actual values, which could evolve and change. Consenting sex with a partner capable of granting consent ought to be guilt free. We are sexual beings. We are entitled to explore our sexuality with consenting partners. Dogma or organizations that interfer with that basic need and desire are attempting to control others for purposes they really can't explain.

I'll remember that. I do drink to loosen up, but we're talking 3 cocktails tops. No drugs, but food and I have always had a bad relationship. It's getting better though

The question here- unanswered- is whether this is about things you were told about sex nearly a decade ago... or whether this is about the fat kid in your head not matching the in-shape kid that you've become.

Maybe now that you've gotten your body in shape, it's time to get your mind in shape? You didn't like your body, so you changed it. If you don't like your self-image, work on that with the same ferver that you did in losing weight. If you're not happy with the bad programming you got compliments of the Southern Baptist Convention, then find a church and a value system that supports who you are instead of tearing you down for who you are.

These things can be changed. But only you can change them.

I feel like it's a screwy combination of both. I definitely hold onto the lack luster former fatkid mentality. I've borrowed clothes from people who I think are much smaller than me, but I fit them just the same. My head is also effing with the fact that I feel ashamed talking about my sexual side publicly. I'm not able to own the sexual person I've become, yet. I think finding a supportive church will help me a lot, as has all the comments. thank you.

 

[erstwhile]

There are PLENTY of churches that are accepting and open. It will help you to separate your religious beliefs with the (judgmental) social beliefs that are so common in many congregations. Remember, God loves everyone.