The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Seperating yourself from the "straight" guys..

A

alwaysone

Joined
May 30, 2005
Posts
20
Reaction score
0
Points
0
What do you guys do when you start falling for a guy whose sexuality you are uncertain about? I'm not a fan of my own mind games and would prefer not to play the guessing game. Sometimes it's not so easy to let go of someone you're falling for though. I'm trying my darnedest to not get attached...
 
Chile, it happened to me and I told him to his face. It wasn't a pretty outcome...
 
Make your feelings known to him. If he reacts badly because he's straight and is grossed out by your attraction, then two things are true: 1) he's a jerk and you're better off without him in your life; and 2) you are the same decent person you were before you told him. A momentary discomfort (no matter how awkward) is not reason enough to hide your real feelings.

Good luck!
 
Do some fishing. You might (for instance) mention that you've been looking for a boyfriend, but haven't had much luck. This would be his cue to say something similar. If he talks instead about his ex-girlfriend, or doesn't mention it one way or the other, assume that he's straight - not bi, but straight - and consider the matter closed. :)

Lex
 
In my case, I told him and he said he didnt care and well me and him have been playing this game over and over. It feels like a game because my emotions are clear and he seems to not know what he wants. Me or a girl ?
 
Not only meet guys that know you are gay, but guys that you know are gay as well.

There's no point lusting over straight guys and perpetually wondering. It's not healthy. Not to mention there are so many gay guys out there already, there's no reason to dwell on straight guys.
 
All relationships do not have a sexual element. But friendship, whether it involves sex or not, is something we all need. My few male partners were my friends long before they became my sexual partners. But, when friendship becomes more than friendship we seek out ways to express our affection for the other person. When that lead to actual sexual relations the sex comes naturally--no seduction is necessary because both partners need and want it--and it seems so right. It comes as confirmation os the bond that has already come to be between two persons.

Sex between two persons has to be very personal and very private and ought to be kept so. Except on a site such as this you don't talk about it and you never ever compare sex with one person with the sex you are having with a later partner. My teen partner and I never ceased thinking of ourselves as regular guys, but we had continued to be glad that we gave ourselves permission to do what our affection for each other dictated. He, like me, is a long time and very happily married man, but we are forever grateful for the two years we had together in which we discovered that other side of our sexuality.
It is important to be prepared to take hold of those surprises that come into your life when you least expect it. Friendships which turned into loving sexual relationships have come my way; I have to believe that kind of thing can happen to others as well.
 
I'd say run the other way. Why putting yourself through so much emotional and mental stress over something that takes a huge amount of time and effort when you don't even know if the guy is gay? Even if the guy is a closet case, you'll probably get hurt.

Plus, I don't think hearing a guy is into you is the greatest thing for a str8 guy. Heck, I hate when a guy who I don't like tells me that (and I'm gay) and I tend to push them away as soon as they tell me.
 
Like the guys said before above, this is a cycle that is hard to break. You fall for one "questionable", you fall for them all.

One straight friend plays 'gay' with you, and suddenly-- you are attatched. I know a great deal of us have been there and done that so let me tell you: ITS NOT WORTH IT.

even if he messes around with you, gets drunk and makes out with you...chances are that he's gonna wake up straighter than the boner you still have from thinking about it.

Do yourself a favor- make friends with him and find a gay guy that fits your needs. Gay guys come in all shapes and sizes; there is a man out there that outshines this little infatuation.
 
3nipples said:
You need to get out and meet guys that you know are gay.
Click to expand...

That's excellent advice there. If you're looking for ketchup, you don't hang around the harware store hoping their might be a hidden bottle there, in between the wrenches and screwdrivers. You go somewehere where you know there's ketchup.
 
First question, are you out, does this guy know you’re gay? If he doesn’t - really, work on that first. If he thinks you’re straight and you tell him you want his cock, bad things will happen.

If he’s comfortable with you being gay, you’re risk level decreases significantly.

Rule number one, straight until proven otherwise. Don’t ever assume.

I prefer the direct approach, ask. You don’t have to tell him you’re interested; just ask if he’s gay or bi. If he’s gay or bi, ask him out, if he says no, what are you pining over, he’s not into you. If he’s straight, you were never vulnerable to begin with.

But I have to say, a lot of gay men convince themselves they’re in love with the impossible because they don’t want to put themselves out there in the first place.
 
BabiGayPimp said:
That's excellent advice there. If you're looking for ketchup, you don't hang around the harware store hoping their might be a hidden bottle there, in between the wrenches and screwdrivers. You go somewehere where you know there's ketchup.
Click to expand...


This made me laugh. In a good way mind.
 
But I think sexual attraction or a crush is something you cannot control. I don't see a problem with this guy being attracted to his friend fantasies can be fun. The real issue is what this guy should "do" about his feelings. If this causes the guy torture and pain then obviously it is not a good thing agonizing about it.

I think if this person is attracted to this guy he should not deny his feelings. Although I do agree if he's looking for a lover or boyfriend he needs to put himself in a place where he can meet other gay men. I think the more gay men he is around the better chances are that he will meet someone special.
 
MorrisseyX said:
But I think sexual attraction or a crush is something you cannot control. I don't see a problem with this guy being attracted to his friend fantasies can be fun. The real issue is what this guy should "do" about his feelings. If this causes the guy torture and pain then obviously it is not a good thing agonizing about it.

I think if this person is attracted to this guy he should not deny his feelings. Although I do agree if he's looking for a lover or boyfriend he needs to put himself in a place where he can meet other gay men. I think the more gay men he is around the better chances are that he will meet someone special.
Click to expand...

The attraction is not the problem. We’ve all been attracted to a straight guy. The issue is the premise of most of these kinds of threads. The “what should I do about it.” We all know how bad some gay men are for seeing gay where none exists, selective vision, cherry picking of evidence, etc.

The answer to the question of “what should I do about it,” is almost always nothing. I think people who ask this question are well aware of this, and just don’t want to hear it.

So we go round and round and round. Telling these guys to find some gay men, and they go round and round and round, angsting over every little tidbit they can find that they can even remotely interpret as making the guy gay.
 
Maybe the reason some gay men are attracted to their straight male friends is because they don't have opportunities to be around other gay men. For instance, if someone lives in a small town without a big gay community they have no place to meet gay guys. Also, maybe some gay men are turned off by the gay scene and that's why they have these attractions to heterosexual men?
 
MorrisseyX said:
Maybe the reason some gay men are attracted to their straight male friends is because they don't have opportunities to be around other gay men. For instance, if someone lives in a small town without a big gay community they have no place to meet gay guys. Also, maybe some gay men are turned off by the gay scene and that's why they have these attractions to heterosexual men?
Click to expand...

THANK YOU!
its so true guys. If you dont know whos gay you automatically crush on someone u assume is gay. And meeting other gay guys is extremely difficult sometimes and near impossible depending on circumstances.
Forget about getting him onto someone new. He needs to deal with the situation at hand. How do we decipher?
and the truth is we cant
so therefore,
you have to follow your heart. You gotta come out to this guy. If he shies away then move along no matter how difficult. If he stays then hes either accepting or gay himself. From this point ask if hes gay or bi. If he says im straight leave it be. Whether hes actualy straight or not doesnt matter, hes not ready and he doesnt have feelings for you. It doesnt mean he NEVER will, but it does mean he doesnt right now and it could take him a week to develop them or a year or never. You have to give others time, and if you're not willing then u cant seriously believe you care about them that much. If you do care enough, you have to ride it out. Its a hard road. Regardless if hes playing or actualy is straight you must remain friends. The future will be in his hands not yours. And it may suck to feel a loss of control, but you need to accept that he wants you to believe hes straight and you have no power over that.
However, this does not mean you completely get dreary over this. Dont dwell on him. If you get together have fun and realize that the little signs youre trying to pick up are irrelevant because if he wants somehting more youve opened many doors for him. With this being said, if an opportunity to get a guy comes along TAKE IT! The future is unknown but we cannot be scared by the cracks in the crystal ball (and yes i jst stole tht line from p!nk, but its true).
Hope that helps cuz im in the situation and rationally pulling that together just helped me :)
 
MorrisseyX said:
Maybe the reason some gay men are attracted to their straight male friends is because they don't have opportunities to be around other gay men. For instance, if someone lives in a small town without a big gay community they have no place to meet gay guys. Also, maybe some gay men are turned off by the gay scene and that's why they have these attractions to heterosexual men?
Click to expand...

If gay guys turn you off, and you only find someone straight attractive, that's an issue with you and your comfort level with being gay. There are gay men who run the gamut from butch to drag.

The reason gay men are attracted to men is that they're attracted to men. As I said above, that's not the problem. Spending your time chasing the impossible is the problem. No gay man is ever going to get what he wants out of a straight guy, wherever he lives. No matter how long he obsesses about it. No matter how much time he puts in. It's pointless to pretend otherwise.

If you insist on chasing straight guys because you "don't like the scene," what do you expect to happen? Straight men are not interested in dating gay men. Period. There is no scene where straight guys get into relationships with gay ones.

Incidentally what does "scene" mean in the first place. Obviously these guys have net access and obviously there are a whole lot of different kinds of scene on here. Pick one. There are a whole lot of resources on the net by which once can associate with a whole lot of different kinds of gay men.
 
You can't help the way you feel OP. Life is all about taking risks. If you are falling for someone and you are uncertain of the way they feel about you, you should inquire about their feelings for you.

I do think it's unfair how "straight" guys play around with gay guys... A real friend won't take your feelings for granted. They will appreciate you for you and won't take a free ride.

There are a lot of avenues for gay men to meet other gay men, but a lot of the avenues online end up only being for sex. There are a lot of us who want something more concrete, and these sites just attract horny guys looking for something quick. I believe the best way to meeting people you'll have a connection with is through friends and groups.
 
Easy. You act sane, approachable (but not too clingy or attatched right away).

And you get out there and you meet other gay men. Yeah. You're not going to like most of them. But do you like most straight guys? I don't. I don't like most people!

But if you have this psychological thing in your head where straight= hot and gay=not then you're only setting yourself up for heartbreak and failure.

Be open and friendly with people, and take things as they come. That's how you find relationships. Yes it might be 'easier said than done' and you have to start somewhere.

Even if a straight guy returns your feelings for you once in a while it's a fleeting thing for him. He's just curious and he's using you. That doesn't have to be a big deal though if you can accept the reality of things.

It's just a stepping block a growing pain of coming out- the straight male thing. You'll get over it the more you meet a wide variety of gay men. And you'll surprisingly find yourself attracted to other gay men too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top