Serious question: How to stop having too much sex

[Harker]

Hey guys,

I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is a serious question. I am in my early 30s, and have lived on my own after the ending of a serious relationship for quite some time. I go to bars a lot, spend time on the apps, and as a result I meet all kinds of guys. The guys who I meet who are into going on a date or seeing where things go are few and far between, so I spend my time filling that void with essentially whoever is around.

I know that wouldn't be a problem for a lot of people, but it's getting old for me? I want to think about possibly settling down, and I know I can still do that while having all kinds of sex, but for me it's different. If I'm lonely or bored or horny or all those things, I'll hop on the apps and spend hours chasing hook ups that are ok to bad. I am in love with someone else who I don't think is ready to commit to anything, so that could be part of the issue, but I feel it's bigger than that. Like, I could/should be doing so much more than wasting weekends on unsatisfying hookups.

So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

 

[Telstra]

some people go to gym or do other physical activities to get tired and go to sleep

 

[PalacePaul]

I know that wouldn't be a problem for a lot of people, but it's getting old for me? I want to think about possibly settling down, and I know I can still do that while having all kinds of sex, but for me it's different. If I'm lonely or bored or horny or all those things, I'll hop on the apps and spend hours chasing hook ups that are ok to bad. I am in love with someone else who I don't think is ready to commit to anything, so that could be part of the issue, but I feel it's bigger than that. Like, I could/should be doing so much more than wasting weekends on unsatisfying hookups.

So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

I don't know what to tell. I guess I'm in the opposite situation as you: I'm not having as much sex as someone would expect from a single gay guy in his 30's.
The words I bolded describe how I feel about these apps: I had to spend lots of time to get very few results, and those were often bad. In my experience, good sex from apps doesn't happen very much. I got tired of losing my time with these. At the same time I started visiting a sex club and I found there was plenty of good sex with hot guys. So for now I'm limited to my occasional night adventures in the club. Quality over quantity.
So maybe you could try looking for sex in other places or other ways and forget a bit about the apps, and see how you feel about it?
I hope this makes at least some sense...

 

[KaraBulut]

...So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

The question is whether the root of the problem is that you don't want to be alone or whether it's an addiction.

Phone apps are designed to trigger addictive behavior in normal people but for someone who has other issues, it's very difficult to break the cycle. Too often, what happens is that one addiction gets replaced by another addiction.

You're in the territory where sorting out the problem with a therapist is going to beneficial- if for no other reason than to determine what is really going on and why you're feeling this way.

 

[SC6201]

Look in better places than a hookup app for your hookups if is too easy for you and not giving you what you want.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Hey guys,

I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is a serious question. I am in my early 30s, and have lived on my own after the ending of a serious relationship for quite some time. I go to bars a lot, spend time on the apps, and as a result I meet all kinds of guys. The guys who I meet who are into going on a date or seeing where things go are few and far between, so I spend my time filling that void with essentially whoever is around.

I know that wouldn't be a problem for a lot of people, but it's getting old for me? I want to think about possibly settling down, and I know I can still do that while having all kinds of sex, but for me it's different. If I'm lonely or bored or horny or all those things, I'll hop on the apps and spend hours chasing hook ups that are ok to bad. I am in love with someone else who I don't think is ready to commit to anything, so that could be part of the issue, but I feel it's bigger than that. Like, I could/should be doing so much more than wasting weekends on unsatisfying hookups.

So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

Simply delete all your profiles and don't make new ones.

Should you spend quite so much time hooking up with guys when you're in love with someone?

If the sex you do get is bad, you're probably looking for the wrong thing at the wrong place.

 

[novastar]

Do you use stimulants like cocaine, amphetamines, molly, Dextrostat, Adderall? They can really spike the libido into the "insatiable" territory

 

[checkinthingsout]

Hey guys,

I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is a serious question. I am in my early 30s, and have lived on my own after the ending of a serious relationship for quite some time. I go to bars a lot, spend time on the apps, and as a result I meet all kinds of guys. The guys who I meet who are into going on a date or seeing where things go are few and far between, so I spend my time filling that void with essentially whoever is around.

I know that wouldn't be a problem for a lot of people, but it's getting old for me? I want to think about possibly settling down, and I know I can still do that while having all kinds of sex, but for me it's different. If I'm lonely or bored or horny or all those things, I'll hop on the apps and spend hours chasing hook ups that are ok to bad. I am in love with someone else who I don't think is ready to commit to anything, so that could be part of the issue, but I feel it's bigger than that. Like, I could/should be doing so much more than wasting weekends on unsatisfying hookups.

So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

You can also use activity control mechanisms on your phone to limit the use of these apps. This functionality was just released on iphone, if you have one. Have a trusted friend create the restriction code so you won't be tempted to unlock it. This should curb behavior.

 

[hotatlboi]

How are u getting so many bad hookups?

I would advise choosing your partners more carefully.

i.e. hook up with people where there is a mutual attraction and its likely to lead to more meetings, even if its just a fuck buddy or whatever. It's way better to be with people you know than to constantly have to go looking for new partners.

 

[texan_slant]

It's got to start somewhere, by just saying, "No", and removing those apps and your profiles completely.

 

[sosotun9091]

Hey guys,

I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is a serious question. I am in my early 30s, and have lived on my own after the ending of a serious relationship for quite some time. I go to bars a lot, spend time on the apps, and as a result I meet all kinds of guys. The guys who I meet who are into going on a date or seeing where things go are few and far between, so I spend my time filling that void with essentially whoever is around.

I know that wouldn't be a problem for a lot of people, but it's getting old for me? I want to think about possibly settling down, and I know I can still do that while having all kinds of sex, but for me it's different. If I'm lonely or bored or horny or all those things, I'll hop on the apps and spend hours chasing hook ups that are ok to bad. I am in love with someone else who I don't think is ready to commit to anything, so that could be part of the issue, but I feel it's bigger than that. Like, I could/should be doing so much more than wasting weekends on unsatisfying hookups.

So my question I guess is this. Has anyone had success trying to stay off the apps? Or go on them less? It's honestly like a drug for me and I don't know how to wean myself down/off or take a step back. Thanks for any replies.

Dude, I think you’re just fine. I would say as long as it’s not affecting your professional life and you’re using protection, just keep on having sex. Isn’t it fun? You just have only one life to life bro!