Setting myself up for a world of hurt?

[unloadonme]

Because I know, that I cannot trust him, and thats not an irrational thing. I know, that this guy is only going to hurt me.

I think you've answered your own question.

If a guy does something you're unhappy with, promises to stop, and you feel you can trust him to do so, that's fine. But if you simply can't trust him to behave decently, then walk away. There are plenty of really nice guys out there.

 

[KaraBulut]

So the question is, can anybody give me a reason to look past all this?

No.

Just be glad you found out that he's an immature liar before you got more involved.

 

[bankside]

Is there anything more you really need to know before you can be at peace with this?

You might decide to take an expensive trip somewhere else instead, because you might meet someone decent there.

 

[rareboy]

Jeez.

Are you nutz?

Your new bf is a pathological liar. Can't change his spots.

The best thing you can do is just tell him he's lost you and that he'd better get some help to deal with this incredible character flaw.

Then move on.

He's only going to continue lying about everything else.

 

[trawler69]

I'll go along with Rareboy here and at least he hasn't recommended therapy or counseling. That should be reserved for your, soon to be, Ex

 

[cardshark]

Well, firstly, the odds are not in your favour. He's 18 (too young for everlasting love 95% of the time), you have suspicions he's cheated/cheating/going to cheat, and its a long distance relationship. Heartbreak is almost inevitable...

However, I think you should talk with him first. Often times, things aren't as bad as they seem. Sometimes, especially when we are so far apart, we start to assume the worse. What you said is pretty damning, but it does not necessarily mean it has to be the end. There could be explanations - he lied about his age because he didn't want to lose you. He blocked you from facebook to hide the lie. He's been online because he's lonely. I don't know, but you can only find out for sure by talking to him.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Eagle653]

He's proven himself to be a liar and deceitful. I'm afraid that there's only heartache where he is concerned, but I also think you know that.

You know what needs to be done...for your sake.

You can't always choose who you fall for. Believe me, I know. But, you can get the rationale side of your brain back engaged and do some things to protect your feelings and happiness now that you know what the score is.

He sparked a loving interest in you. While he may not be the one, there is someone out there who is--and who will love you in return and give you the respect that you deserve.

Good luck on your return, on your straightening this out with him and, more importantly, in finding Mr. Right. I hope he comes along soon.

By the way...where are my manners? Welcome aboard to JUB! It's good to have you here.

 

[Seasoned]

Spend your money on yourself. The longer you try to stay with this boyfriend the more you will hurt. Let him go.

 

[Just_Believe18]

He's barely 18, young, impulsive, and immature. You're not going to get more substance than that.

If you don't want to get emotionally involved and hurt, then end it. If you want to enjoy it for what it is, take it for however long it lasts.

 

[rareboy]

Once a liar, always a liar.

You realize that when he betrays you again, you really won't be able to moan about it, don't you?

He's a child. A self-absorbed, egocentric child.

He's likely already thinking ahead to how he's now justified in cheating on you.

 

[DonSade]

You're probably his first experiment at a relationship and sure enough it seems he's taking it as an experiment and not as something serious. You deserve better... he's just horny and looking for wet holes and other poles to play with. Not much you can do about it except either move on or just accept the fact that he'll never be 100% loyal and honest to you. There's really little use in discussing something that's basically written in stone :-/

 

[TX-Beau]

Hey guys, and thanks for all your input, it really does clear the head.

So i'm seeing him tomorrow after 8 long weeks, and I think some serious talking is in order, should be interesting....

I've talked with him about the two aforementioned issues, and i'll post his responses below.

a) The Lying about the age.

When we first met, he said he was 18. I still have no idea why, but my friends have said that because I'm 22, it may have been an effort to keep me interested in him). He said that once he started fancying me, and once we got involved, it just never seemed like the right time to tell me, as we were always with friends etc. i can understand this to a degree, but then again, how hard can it be? It's literally a one minute conversation! It's not the age i care about, its the lying. The conversation would have gone like this if he had told me earlier: "I need to tell you something, I'm not actually 18, i'm 17, sorry." "oh? cool."

So even though he lied, i've kinda accepted it, and he said he woouldn't lie again.

Which brings me to

b) The Gay Online Dating

The "official" excuse was that he chats to guys online, because he has no "gay outlet". he is VERY straight acting etc, literally, you'd have no idea he was gay. he hangs around with beer swilling, indie music types, (i'm NOT stereotyping Gay people as effeminate or anything else) but they are in the whole, very laddish and homophobic. They accept him because he is what they call a "normal gay" (terrible, I know). So in his daily life, he really has no way for his homosexuality to manifest itself. To which I countered, ahem, I'M YOUR GAY OUTLET!! But apparently, and perhaps justifiably, I'm not doing a great job right now as I'm aborad for a few months.

So, i can understand that I'm not doing a good job as a boyfriend, and that perhaps he is a little frustrated about being around sexually charged heterosexual males the whole time, but I still have 2 hangups;

1) Does he really need to chat to guys online to "cope" with his homosexuality?!

2) i really don't see how he can't understand why his boyfriend would be bothered about him cruising for guys online.

Thanks guys

Why are you trying to make this work? He's still a kid, he's not dependable, for fucks sake he's not even honest. Why are you taking the blame for his net hobbies?

Don't take this as criticism of you, but that excuse is bunk, I don't see why you buy it. Obviously with the net and the hookup sites which he knows how to use, and the bars as he gets older, he has tons of gay outlet. He's just not done playing around.

Which is perfectly understandable he's frikkin' 18. Bang him when you're home, cut him loose when you're not, and maintain your friendship. He's not ready to commit, he's not mature enough to make one work anyway, and you're just going to hurt yourself by trying. Check back in a few years.

 

[swarley]

you just let him lie and spin you into even more deceit. why are you torturing yourself with this? I know it's hard because he's your first relationship and you want to believe him but you have all of these people on this site saying that he's going to hurt you and then you have him saying he's not (and he's lied before). Now, logically, taking out all of the emotion, what should you believe? trust me, we all have run in to these kind of guys and everybody who has, is telling you that you won't like the ending. we've all been in your shoes and it sucks but you have to get over it so you can get to the good part and date someone respectable