Sex before revealing HIV status

[recuerdeme]

So I was dating this guy and we started to have sex... protected sex of course.
I asked him if he had anything and he said NO so...
A few weeks later he reveals to me that he indeed has HIV.

Now I didn't fly off the handle but I did break up with him because he is a liar, not for the HIV thing.

I mean I think anyone could be infected so I take necessary precautions.

Here's the question: if you have a chronic STD should you reveal it before sex? or does practicing safe sex exclude you from sharing that information until later... I mean if your idea is to build a relationship with your sex partner that is?

Lies aside, lets say you just don't have the STD conversation and you find out weeks later that the guy you are sleeping with is positive what then? Would you feel that the guy should have spoken up if though you didn't ask?

 

[hotatlboi]

It think it is irresponsible of the guy to not reveal that before sex.

Some people may not want to have sex with a positive person, that is their choice to make.

Others might realize that there is not that much risk as long as safe sex is practiced and might not care, that is their choice to make.

 

[anchihiro]

Hasn't he broken the law for lying about his status to someone he had sex with regardless of whether it was protected or not?

 

[NSX577]

You are a better person that me. If this was the case to anyone I knew, let alone me, I think they would be very upset and probably fly off the handle, causing phyiscal harm to the person!

As for the question at hand, YES you MUST tell people you are romantically involved with your STD/STI status. I do not know why anyone would feel that it is not necessary. I know that I would want to know, so why wouldn't I respect the same token. I know that there are plenty of men and women out there that just want sex and therefore think of themselves first, but I would consider that VERY irresponsible, and in some states it is even illegal.

 

[dhchitown1984]

My understanding is that in the United States, a person who is HIV+ can face legal prosecution for not informating a person who he/she has sex with that they are positive, regardless of circumstance (date, fwb, internet hookup, etc.), regardless of whether or not the other person asks, and regardless if (after the fact) the person becomes HIV+ or not. However, I haven't heard that officially in quite some time, so I may be speaking incorrectly.

 

[bhandsome]

Kudos to you for having protected sex and protecting yourself.

 

[joeG23]

You have done all the right things. Now you can move on.

 

[AdmiraalW238]

In New South Wales, Australia the Public Health Act states that if you are HIV+ that you MUST disclose your status PRIOR engaging in any sexual activity with anybody.

That is how it should be.

 

[Seasoned]

Let me play devil's advocate. I'd resent self identifying as if I were some kind of leper. Everyone ought to be assumed as being HIV+ until proven otherwise, afterall they might be and not yet diagnosed.

 

[kallipolis]

So I was dating this guy and we started to have sex... protected sex of course.
I asked him if he had anything and he said NO so...
A few weeks later he reveals to me that he indeed has HIV.

Now I didn't fly off the handle but I did break up with him because he is a liar, not for the HIV thing.

I mean I think anyone could be infected so I take necessary precautions.

Here's the question: if you have a chronic STD should you reveal it before sex? or does practicing safe sex exclude you from sharing that information until later... I mean if your idea is to build a relationship with your sex partner that is?

Lies aside, lets say you just don't have the STD conversation and you find out weeks later that the guy you are sleeping with is positive what then? Would you feel that the guy should have spoken up if though you didn't ask?

This is the only tangible response to living a promiscuous life.

We should also be aware that there are many people who are HIV+ and are ignorant of this fact.

The philosophical questions that you raise make for fine debate but will not reduce your risk to contracting HIV, or other sexually transmittable infections.

Or, you can enter into a monogamous relationship with a partner on the understanding that both of you are tested for sexually transmittable infections prior sexual interaction.

Or, abstain from sexual activity with other people.

Remember to look both ways before crossing the road; even then keep your fingers crossed that you will reach the other side safely.

 

[Scottyboi]

i think the doctor told me like 1 in 3 guys here in San Francisco are positive or something around that number. Since March I've now had sex with 10 guys.

Still gotta get tested for these last 3 guys but I'm clean of *all* STD's after being tested after having sex w/ guy #7.

Thats because I always play it safe, and even then you never really know


But yes, I feel its only responsible to tell someone. And not just for "chronic" conditions either

Is it really legally required in the US though? I don't think a lot of guys know that

 

[rareboy]

The fact that he lied is the deal-breaker.

Or did he finally tell you that he was poz in order to make you break up with him?

Either way.

Asshat.

And potentially dangerous.

 

[dhchitown1984]

i think the doctor told me like 1 in 3 guys here in San Francisco are positive or something around that number. Since March I've now had sex with 10 guys.

Still gotta get tested for these last 3 guys but I'm clean of *all* STD's after being tested after having sex w/ guy #7.

Thats because I always play it safe, and even then you never really know


But yes, I feel its only responsible to tell someone. And not just for "chronic" conditions either

Is it really legally required in the US though? I don't think a lot of guys know that

Hey scottboi: I've looked into it a little further, but I'm having trouble tracking it down. It looks like, as far as I can tell, it's a state-by-state issue. The law can't "force" anyone to tell people, but my understanding is that someone can take a sexual partner to court if she or he finds out their partner was HIV+ at the time they had intercourse, that person knew they were positive, didn't tell them, and didn't take serious precautions to prevent infection. So I'm not sure where condoms fall into play and all that.

 

[mbamike]

Always assume the other guy is HIV+ and/or lying about his status. So, always use condoms.

To answer your question, yes a person should disclose his status.

 

[Nice Boy]

Yes, it is very important to always be informed about your partner about all STD, let alone HIV! I understand that it is difficult to live being HIV+ but it does not mean to hide that information from you

As for the legal issue, at least in my country (and most of Europe I think), it is illegal to spread any STD if you know about it...

 

[NSX577]

Let me play devil's advocate. I'd resent self identifying as if I were some kind of leper. Everyone ought to be assumed as being HIV+ until proven otherwise, afterall they might be and not yet diagnosed.

I could not agree with you more.

 

[miyakko]

in oklahoma you are legally required to use a condom and inform each sexual partner that you are HIV+ PRIOR to ANY sexual act.

I counsel all my patients about their legal requirements.... however, it's one of those legal requirements that is hard to enforce. Legally, yes they are required.... but prosecution is very difficult.

 

[jmadaf]

So I was dating this guy and we started to have sex... protected sex of course.
I asked him if he had anything and he said NO so...
A few weeks later he reveals to me that he indeed has HIV.

Now I didn't fly off the handle but I did break up with him because he is a liar, not for the HIV thing.

I mean I think anyone could be infected so I take necessary precautions.

Here's the question: if you have a chronic STD should you reveal it before sex? or does practicing safe sex exclude you from sharing that information until later... I mean if your idea is to build a relationship with your sex partner that is?

Lies aside, lets say you just don't have the STD conversation and you find out weeks later that the guy you are sleeping with is positive what then? Would you feel that the guy should have spoken up if though you didn't ask?

people who have this and don't tell before sex are just as bad as child molesters, they are all holding the rest of us gays from being accepted in society.