Sex & Being Single

[Antares81]

How often do people have sex when they are single?

I've been single since Feb. 5th. I did hookup a few weeks ago, but it was awful and I wish I hadn't done it. I regretted it, afterwards: He had gained weight since all his pictures were taken, he had hair everywhere (I prefer to stay nice and groomed), he was younger than me and balding, he smoked so he tasted like ashtray and his cock was under 6"! In the wake of that, I've decided I need to have standards. And no one in Kingston meets those, right now. Save my ex, obviously, but he has his new BF so that's never happening.

Usually, with hookups, my mentality is: I need to trust you first. Which means we chat for a while, hang out, become friends and go from there. Trust is big with me. Especially after all that's happened...

Now, I'm not talking to anyone, I have no prospects and the pickings are slim in Kingston (Small town and all). I just jumped off all the dating sites, deleted Grindr and my DN profile. I don't anticipate having sex for awhile.

I'm not naive enough to think "if you don't use it, you lose it."

But, I'm wondering/concerned/worrying about will it ever happen again? Can I trust again? I mean, I'm 30. I'm not getting any prettier...

I could easily see myself not having sex for awhile. A year or more, easily.

How often does sex happen when you're single?

 

[sixthson]

Usually, with hookups, my mentality is: I need to trust you first. Which means we chat for a while, hang out, become friends and go from there. Trust is big with me. Especially after all that's happened...

Aren't you describing two different things here? Aren't hookups, by their nature, about having sex with people you don't know or trust? They are casual sex, right? What you are describing is more like relationship material? But what do I know?

 

[Antares81]

Semantics.

Sex is sex. Whether it's penetrative or not. When I say "When was the last time you had sex?" I mean "When was the last time you exchanged bodily fluids with a guy? (oral, madeout, rimming, anal)"

Perhaps what I describe is casual sex. Though, I would consider casual sex something happens on a regular or semi-regular basis. And hookup sex to be a one-time thing.

Relationship sex is deeper. It has more meaning than just friends. Relationship sex, for me, transcends casual and hookup sex. It's so much more. Even if it's just a blowjob - There is more to it than just a hookup blowjob. There is the connection that you share with the other person. A lasting trust and intimacy that friendship can't ever touch.

 

[mbamike]

I had sex today. By sex, I mean the guy penetrated my ass with his cock and fucked me until he cummed. He was wearing a condom of course. I had sex a few weeks ago too.

Family visiting prevented me from having sex last week. I am on the internet quite frequently looking for cock.

Like you, I don't like hairy guys or guys that smoke. I state this in my profiles on the hook-up sites. I am a bit of a size queen too. Guys states the size of their cock on their profiles, talking about easy shopping.

Looks like I may be having sex on Monday too. The guy that came over today wants to come back on Monday.

I use to be really paranoid about hooking up with strangers off the internet. Most of that paranoia is gone now. I still use some precautions, but I have found most guys are pretty decent fellows. Well, the ones I have come across anyways.

So yes, you can be single and have an active sex life too.

 

[kcboi]

Been single (again) for 4 years and have sex all the time... no problems hooking up... would love to find something more but until then come on down boys!!!!... and men!!!!!

 

[KaraBulut]

What you're describing sounds more like a fuckbuddy- someone that you like, whose body you enjoy and with whom you feel comfortable having sex on a semi-regular basis as long as you both are single.

Fuckbuddy situations take a bit of work up front to screen out the weirdos, the sluts and the people who say they want one thing but actually want something more serious. But once established, it eliminates a lot of the hit-and-miss of hook-ups and the drama of dating.

 

[Antares81]

A fuckbuddy is what he has. Well, he had. Now it's a relationship.

I'm just horny all the time. And lonely. I just want to know if not having sex for...Years? Is bad. Is it wrong? Am I wrong?

 

[bankside]

Never, that's how often.

I don't want to have bad sex with a stranger. I don't want to have good sex with someone I'll never see again. I don't think fucking makes it any easier to get to know someone. I don't trust someone with my life until I know him, learn about his world, his friends, his family, earn each other's confidence.

And I don't trust a half milimetre of latex to protect me from whatever kind of crazy might be going on in some stranger's head or in his sexual history.

So the quickest way to start having sex again is to be available for someone who might be able to fill those kinds of conditions. Don't fuck. Date. A "friend with benefits" arrangement would solve a lot of those practical problems. But it wouldn't have that intimacy you talk about by definition. And it might tie up your time that you could use for meeting someone who is the whole package.

 

[Centexfarmer]

A fuckbuddy is what he has. Well, he had. Now it's a relationship.

I'm just horny all the time. And lonely. I just want to know if not having sex for...Years? Is bad. Is it wrong? Am I wrong?

Dude!

A little tough love here.

For whatever YOU weren't HIS ONE.

From what I've read of your posts about this guy, I can't even imagine WHY you're still hung up on him.

From what I've read this guy suffers from Classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You obviously didn't worship him (meaning that you gave up yourself) in the manner that he felt that you were "worthy."

Count you're blessings, show some self respect and be thankful that this guy ISN'T in your life anymore.

Just because you were true and honest in your relationship, doesn't mean that he was with himself, or YOU for that matter.

Do you honestly see yourself as such a troll that no one where you live would want to be with you?

Write him off, and the sooner you do the better for yourself, and those who truly love you.

 

[TexMade90]

It really is up to you, every person I've had sex with this year has eventually resulted in something bad, I had a brief friends with benefits a few months ago but when your "friend" is having a few "friends" of his own on the side you won't feel the level of intimacy you describe

Definitely date man, and don't give sex if your not feeling it, it helps weed out the bad ones...you will thank yourself when you have sex with someone you fully trust and vice versa

 

[Corny]

Why should there be anything wrong with not having sex? Why should there be anything wrong with having sex? If you're horny (and there isn't anything wrong with that, either) - go out and have sex. But if you notice that this doesn't make you happy .. stop doing it. I mean .. come on .. did you just tell us that there aren't hot enough people for you there and that their cocks are too small? Really? I believe this is more about yourself and your situation. It was easy to have sex in the relationship .. it was good and all the trust was there. But sex outside a relationship isn't the same. It's just sex .. nothing more. You don't need to have hookups. It doesn't make you a better man. It doesn't help you over your issues with your ex. I am even not sure if your arrangement is that healthy for you at the moment. It's great that you can still be close to him - but you are comparing, you think he's better off, you feel inequal to him .. and probably a bit jealous. Maybe it's better to keep a bit more off a distance to him...

 

[justsimon]

I don't have sex when I'm single because I don't do hook-ups. It's been almost two years. Other people have more of a problem with this than I do.

 

[DarkHelios]

He had gained weight since all his pictures were taken, he had hair everywhere (I prefer to stay nice and groomed), he was younger than me and balding, he smoked so he tasted like ashtray and his cock was under 6"!

Does this mean you whipped out a ruler as soon as he got naked?
And they say romance is dead...

 

[Antares81]

I'm 7" x 6" I'm big enough to know what's large, but not too big to be "too big." If I'm 7" and my ex was 8" and I could fit this guy's cock in my mouth without trouble, he's smaller than me. I'm not a size queen, but I guess, for a hookup, I would have wanted something to play with.

Thanks for the suggestion Corny. Lots of people have said to cut him out. But people tend to approach things from their own perspective based off their own experiences. How many people do you know can say they went through a breakup and are still friends with their ex? Not a lot. Most peoples' breakups seem to be messy, torrid and ugly. Nearly everyone I've talked to has said they hate(d) their ex and never spoke to them again.

Our breakup wasn't like that. Sure, there was someone else involved. But we sat down, talked it through and realized we weren't in a relationship anymore. And that's the way it happened.

Yeah, I'm going through a rough bit and having a hard time getting over it. But we were together for four years. You don't just "get over that." This is my first breakup. It's all new to me. before my ex I'd never been with anyone before. My longest relationship was literally three dates.

I'm just having hard time adjusting...to...everything.

 

[Corny]

Come on .. that size comment was unnecessary (and even with 6in the guy was plenty above average) - probably as unnecessary as the whole date. I'd dare to say you weren't looking just for sex but also for something else.

Our breakup wasn't like that. Sure, there was someone else involved. But we sat down, talked it through and realized we weren't in a relationship anymore. And that's the way it happened.

And that's how every one of my past two "big" breakups was. Yet I never went along the "we have to stay friends" route. We still talked, quite a bit in the beginning - but drifted apart after that. We still say "hi" to each other or chat a bit about life .. but that's it. With some people you might really stay friends .. but even then - in the beginning, imho it is important to get a bit of distance. For a new perspective. To adapt to the new reality.

Yeah, I'm going through a rough bit and having a hard time getting over it. But we were together for four years. You don't just "get over that." This is my first breakup. It's all new to me. before my ex I'd never been with anyone before.

.. and that's the main problem. First love is always the strongest. And the first break up the most devastating one, especially if you're the one left behind. Everybody believes the world ends at first and doesn't see straight. That's why more experienced people try to help you. It's not some lame/empty phrases, it's what others had to learn, too. And you need to learn it, too. You will have to find your own way, but it would help if you would at least accept other perspectives instead of coming here, asking for help and then tell us that "it's all different for you". As terrifying as it might be .. neither you nor your situation are "all different". It happens to the best of us And it's not easy for anyone.