Sex is not as good as expected with my boyfriend?

[Andrevidal]

The right place for queries concerning sex?

Just signed up to seek suggestions and tips about sex with my boyfriend, is this the thread to post in, if not please suggest a good one for me thank you!!!

 

[HunterM]

Re: The right place for queries concerning sex?

This is a no flame zone. So you can post it here. If it's not the right place, the mods will move it for you.

 

[Andrevidal]

Re: The right place for queries concerning sex?

This is a no flame zone. So you can post it here. If it's not the right place, the mods will move it for you.

Great, thankyou

 

[Andrevidal]

Me and my boyfriend of 3 months seem to be having some problems regarding sex.
he has had a few previous partners but has never bottomed until he met me, i had not had sex before i met him though.
it seems as though at the moment i have no problem getting in the mood and just thinking of my boy gets me excited but i have recently had more enjoyment thinking about him when i'm on my own and fantasising about what we might do...and when it comes to actually having sex its not that enjoyable when i am giving and he is receiving.
i end up just finishing off myself rather than having an orgasim in him...and then he gives and i receive and i just feel unsatisfied afterwards.

Does anyone else have this problem or had this problem, if so what can you recommend? we are both new at passionate sex and most positions only work for one of us while the other is uncomfortable in some way... any suggestions would be great thanks

 

[innocentenough]

Have you spoken to him about it? Maybe he's feeling unsatisfied as well considering you indicated that in all your positions, one of you is uncomfortable. Try talking about what makes you uncomfortable in each position, and work on making it better.

You obviously are attracted to him, it's just a matter of figuring out what works for both you as a couple

 

[innocentbychoice]

Me and my boyfriend of 3 months seem to be having some problems regarding sex.
he has had a few previous partners but has never bottomed until he met me, i had not had sex before i met him though.
it seems as though at the moment i have no problem getting in the mood and just thinking of my boy gets me excited but i have recently had more enjoyment thinking about him when i'm on my own and fantasising about what we might do...and when it comes to actually having sex its not that enjoyable when i am giving and he is receiving.
i end up just finishing off myself rather than having an orgasim in him...and then he gives and i receive and i just feel unsatisfied afterwards.

Does anyone else have this problem or had this problem, if so what can you recommend? we are both new at passionate sex and most positions only work for one of us while the other is uncomfortable in some way... any suggestions would be great thanks

This is probably happening because you guys are inexperienced. I think you need to talk to him, have an adult conversation and just ask each other what you like and dislike. Communication is the key, as usual. As you guys talk, and practise more, and get more comfortable with each other, things will get better. Sometimes it takes time to find that with your partner, don't give up.

 

[Seasoned]

Talk to your boyfriend and learn and teach together with a lot of playfulness. A sex manual like The Joy of Gay Sex might prove helpful. Take a look at http://www.harpercollins.com/browseinside/index.aspx?isbn13=9780060012748.

The main thing is to find sex play that is fun and exciting for you both. Porn can also give you some ideas but don't think that because it looks hot it will be the same for you. Maybe you'll bring elements of the cirque de soleil into your life and maybe you won't. All that matters is that you're both satisfied and eager. Relax. Be playful. Experiment as long as you are both comfortable. And, if it's funny, don't be afraid to laugh.

 

[sixthson]

Maybe you are too focused on the mechanics of intercourse and not taking the time you need to reach that point. The journey can be as important as the destination. Back up and start from the beginning with romance, foreplay and oral before jumping in with the anal. Maybe even forget about fucking for a little while and just get acquainted with each others' bodies. How well do you actually know each other?

Perhaps you have some psychological issues with gay sex or perhaps your expectations are unrealistic.

Slow down, take your time, learn to be playful and have fun with each other. And communicate, communicate, communicate.

 

[KaraBulut]

...and when it comes to actually having sex its not that enjoyable when i am giving and he is receiving.
i end up just finishing off myself rather than having an orgasim in him...and then he gives and i receive and i just feel unsatisfied afterwards.

Well, in reading your description, it doesn't sound too unusual- you're both doing something new, you're both fumbling a bit but in your head, you're both really turned on and attracted to each other.

Think back for a moment to when you were learning something new- maybe riding a bicycle. The first time you got on a bicycle without training wheels, you probably wobbled, didn't go very fast, you were probably very unsure of yourself and you probably fell down a lot. You might have forgotten about all of that because if you stuck to it, you got more sure of yourself and it got easier.

Sex can be like that. There's no innate genetic trait that makes us have good sex. It's a learned trait- something we learn by practice, persistence and trial and error.

With that said...

Sex isn't always about trapezes and hanging by your heels from the chandelier. It's clumsy, messy and looks pretty ridiculous when you think about it. So, when you're with someone you care about, sex is supposed to be something other than just fucking. If it's sex with someone that you're dating, it's supposed to be an expression of those feelings in your head, even if your dick and ass aren't quite up to the same level of feelings as your head.


So, when the two of you aren't having sex, talk about what your fantasies are and what you're enjoying about sex and what it would take to make both of you enjoy it more. Stick to it and know that it's not always spectacular and perfect.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Yeah like the other posters said you need to communicate with your boyfriend have an honest and frank discussion about what you both like to do sexually. By not talking there is only miscommunication and that is not good. Just talk to the guy.