Sex issues of shy partners

[igamenir]

Hi, straight to the problem:
I'm *very* happy with my boyfriend who i have for nine wonderful months now. With him, I can confirm that merry relationship isn't about sex. But having good sex would make it even better and there is the problem. When we are together he cuddle and kiss all the time, sometimes we suck or tie each other... I'd love anal fun too, and I know we are both into SM/fetish. But we need to talk about it to discuss our preferences first, but we are too shy to do so.

With my ex, I get over with by ICQ - online talking is much easier for me. But I talk to my bf online only when we're in work and that is now the right time for such discussion. So I have to do it face to face, but I can't get to it.

I'm glad for any encouraging, but it doesn't work. I need some advice how to change my/our nature. I know it's hard, but it is needed.
So please, any advice?

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Can you use text messaging?

 

[Centexfarmer]

Have you considering renting some porn that illustrates some of the things that you're into sexually, and then watching it with him?

If he's into some of the things, then the two of you could talk about how to go about doing that.

I showed my boyfriend some of the things that I was interested in trying in some porn that I had seen, and few weeks later I came home and he had all kinds of toys from the Adult Bookstore that he bought for us to play and experiment with. It was hot!

But like you, it wasn't something that felt comfortable just "talking" to him about face to face.

 

[bokan800]

Try "knocking" on the back door when you guys are doing it.

 

[igamenir]

Ok, guys, the porn way would be probably good to do.

But when looked yesterday evening, there were lots of visits and no reply, so I decided we need to go on. We went to SMclub, get easy with each other thanks to beers and i just asked. And happy end, I must say - he's beginner with anal and lots of other things but willing to learn.


And for others, it is really the best way to do - just talk, talk, talk about lots of things to feel most comfortable with him and inside the common discussion go like "Hey, talking about cucumber... what about you and your anal. Do you like it?" or "Oh, i need to go to toilet.. Have i ever mentioned i love piss? What about you?"

 

[KaraBulut]

And for others, it is really the best way to do - just talk, talk, talk about lots of things to feel most comfortable with him and inside the common discussion go like "Hey, talking about cucumber... what about you and your anal. Do you like it?" or "Oh, i need to go to toilet.. Have i ever mentioned i love piss? What about you?"

Well, you want to make it a bit more exciting and fun.

There's the indirect approach like using porn to tell him what turns you on. You can also give him a gift that has a toy, handcuffs, S&M/B&D accessories along with a note that says, "7PM. My place. Bring these.".

But there's also the direct approach. There's nothing hotter than when I guy looks you in the eye and says, "I want you to ___ me". And there's nothing wrong with just saying, "My fantasy is to ___ you.". If you're old enough to have sex with someone, you're old enough to talk honestly about it.

 

[igamenir]

About the direct approach, if the other guy is too shy, you may scare him off (as i was afraid). And if you love the other guy more then doing ___, it's better careful. So for me, alcohol and BTW-notes wins.