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Sex on a first date?

R

redips

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So I met this guy online, and we've been chatting a lot on MSN for the past month or so. Because of the holidays, work, and stuff, we haven't actually met in person. But we're planning on doing that next week.

I met him on a dating site, so I expect that both of us are looking to date and not to hook-up. Lately, he'd start dirty jokes when we chatted, which is fine by me and all. However, at some point he also "joked" that we'd mess around when we meet up. I can't tell whether he's really just joking, or whether he's suggesting that we do.

So I don't know what to do. I'm still gonna meet up with him because I don't think he's a freak or anything. But, I'm a little reluctant to have sex on a first "date", if you even call it that. And I don't even know why. I guess it's just my old-school way of thinking. I'd be happy to get down to it as early as a second date if we're really into each other, but the first time? Seems a bit casual. That's not to say that I haven't done that before, however.

So, assuming that he's not looking to just hook-up (I can't imagine why he'd spend that much time chatting if he's just looking for sex), and suppose he shows signs that he wanted to get under my pants when we meet up, what should I do?

What is a good way to say, "hey, you're hot, I like you, but how about next time?"

Or am I just being unreasonably old-school and should just do it (assuming that I want to)?
 
Why not let him know what you're thinking? I think it's best if you DIDN'T put a specific timeframe on it. "I do like you a lot, and I AM interested in getting physical with you. But I'd like to spend a bit of time with you first - get used to you being in my physical presence for awhile." That way, if you DO feel very comfortable (and horny) with him two or three hours into your first date, you're welcome to say "Let's get this party started." Otherwise, let him know how you're progressing at the end of the date.

Lex
 
Wow..Im going on a first date tonight and was wondering the very same thing about sex on the first date. Good timing for me to read this and I totally think its okay to not want to have sex on the first date. Seems a bit hookup-ish if you're looking for something more long term.
 
I had sex with my current boyfriend on the first date. I kinda wish I would have waited because at first because it seemed that our relationship was only about the sex. We finally sat down at talked one night and he finally said that he wanted to slow things down and that we shouldn't have started everything so quickly. I was relieved because I was thinking the same thing but worried about what he would have said if I would have brought it up.

My advice: take it slow and just follow your gut instead of your cock. And most importantly, have a great first date!
 
If you're having sex on a first date, it's probably not a date- it's probably just a hookup.

Redips, if you've been chatting with this guy for a month, then you should be at a point where you can be honest with him. If you're not comfortable having sex on the first date, tell him that now.

One of two things will happen- either it will become apparent that this guy is just out for sex or he will get the message that you're more interested in getting to know him better before the two of you get into a physical relationship.

And there's another thing that telling him up front will do: it will give you an idea of whether there is a future to the relationship. If you can't be honest, then what kind of future is there?
 
I'd say something along the lines of "why don't we save something for next time?" It shows that you're not totally prude even though you like to pace things.
 
Great advice and ideas. I love reading people's thoughts on this.

As for myself, I have to admit that I've had sex on every first date I've been on--including the one with my partner. !oops! I don't know if it was "expected" as much as it was wanted. I guess I was pretty horned up (most of the time) and didn't want to be coy by postponing something I knew I wanted to do anyway.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if sex didn't occur, I'd wonder if something was wrong and if there'd be a second date. I never understood how long one was "supposed" to go w/o jumping in the sack, because I always did on the first date?

Gad, I must be a slut. :eek: :help: Oh well, as least I knew after the first date whether to invest the time and energy in a second one! :rolleyes:
 
What a FUN thing to be doing...

You met a guy online -- talked for awhile -- and are NOW GOING to MEET him!!!

Sounds EERILY familiar...

That's how I met my BF...

AND -- being like AVERAGEGUY -- I ALSO didn't know "the rules"...

SO...

I followed the NO SEX rule...

It was king of wierd though -- since we were SO ATTRACTED to each other...

We made out ALMOST all night at "the club"...

He dropped me off at my house at 3AM...

I was KNOCKING on HIS DOOR at 9AM!!!

TECHNICALLY...

It WASN'T THE FIRST DATE!!!

(!)(!)(!)

Oh -- and we've been together now for 7 years...

I would say -- GO WITH THE FLOW...

Don't let "hangups" or "social rules" apply...

DO YOUR OWN THING...

AND BEST OF LUCK!!!

:-):-):-)
 
I see nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if its what both of you want. If its something you're not comfortable with just be honest with him. If he's interested in seeing you again I can't see why he would be opposed to putting it off. What I'm trying to say here is do what you feel comfortable with

FWIW - my partner of ten years and I had sex before the first date !oops!. At the time I don't think either of us we're expecting more but we still liked eachother the morning after and decided a date was the next step
 
Not to worry you, or to put more pressure on you, but there's this whole other bridge that you have to cross first, and that's actually meeting this guy in person.

I met a guy online awhile back, and he was convinced that we were "right for each other."

We got along great, I loved his sense of humor, we would talk on the phone for hours, and then finally our "first date."

*cue the sound of crickets*




It was literally as if I had just met a complete stranger.

There was no chemistry between us at all.

It's not that I didn't find him attractive, it's just that there wasn't anything there.

I thought maybe he was nervous, so I asked. Nope he was fine, but then he got defensive, called me "cheap" because I scoffed at the idea of paying $7.00 for a ceasar salad, when a burger and fries would have been just fine for a first date.

Anyway, long date not short enough, as I got ready to leave he said, "So I guess sex is out of the question!"

So I turned around and said, "Let's see."

I gave him a kiss, and I swear it was like kissing a wet dish rag. [-X

He stalked me for a few days, but he finally got the hint. :rolleyes:

If things go really well for you, I'd strongly suggest not "going all the way," on a first date.

How does that old saying go?

Oh yeah, "Why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free!"

I'm sure that you're worth waiting for, and he should agree by not being so quick to sex you up. :D

My motto? "Wine Me, Dine Me, Then 69 me!"

But not necessarily in that order, or in that time frame. ;)

Good Luck, and let us know how things go!
 
I agree (mostly) with Centexfarmer. You haven't even met this guy yet and you're already trying to decide if you should wait to have sex with him. You're putting the cart before the horse. See how the date goes and play it by ear. If you both still want to get in each others' pants after the first date, why not? If you don't, then don't.
 
I do go by the two rules:

#1
I do things, I am comfortable with, at any time I feel that I am comfortable with.

#2
I have NO other rules.

---

Never limit the scope of your action beforehand. That is ALWAYS wrong. There is always enough time to say 'No, nope.'

Appearing to be someone, who has got it all 'figured out' ahead of time and who is playing by his rules is usually very detrimental.

Meet up the dude. Talk, have coffees, drinks, whatever. Enjoy his company. If sex feels right, go for it. If you need more time, say so.

If a dude is 'dead meat' in your eyes, wish him good luck and move on.

SC
 
Thanks boys!

I think I know what to do now. I'll go with the flow and see what happens.

As always, you guys are the best. Can't do without ya.

*hugs to all*
 
just go with he flow. just like you said hes not gonna right away jump on you trying to fuck you its gonna take little time to brake the nervous walls first.
 
Hey redips,

Mate... the most important thing is simply that you are true to yourself... do what you beleive is right for you. After all you are the guy who wakes up with yourself in the morning regardless of whether things go well with this guy or not.

Do what you feel is right for you... and dont ever feel judged because of it. This guy is attracted to you because of who you are... and thats all that matters!

Good luck with the meet mate!!!
 
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