Sex...once per month

[Gin&Tonic]

Hi guys,

Lately, my bf and I have not been having sex. Maybe once per month. We don't do anal, just oral.
Is our relationship doomed?

 

[Gin&Tonic]

it's only doomed if you don't talk about your concerns (assuming you don't want to have sex once/month)... was it always like that, or did it decrease over time?

Our relationship is like a rollacoaster. Some months we have sex once or twice per day, other months we just jerk our selves off. It has been 3 months now, and we haven't had sex more than 3 times.

We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and have our own bedrooms, and sleep in our own bedrooms.

I love my bf more than anything in the world, and I believe (and want to believe) he loves me.

idk, maybe we are going thru a rough patch.

I'm not sure how to fix this little problem.

 

[HunterM]

Hmmm...If you two are in a committed partnered relationship but keep sleeping in separate bedrooms while living in the same apartment, something is wrong with this picture. I think it's doomed from the beginning ...without more info.

Why are you two sleeping separately? It's definitely not to save money. Have you asked him to move in...into your bedroom and sleep with you on the same bed?

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Hmmm...If you two are in a committed partnered relationship but keep sleeping in separate bedrooms while living in the same apartment, something is wrong with this picture. I think it's doomed from the beginning ...without more info.

Why are you two sleeping separately? It's definitely not to save money. Have you asked him to move in...into your bedroom and sleep with you on the same bed?

We live in the same apartment. We've been living in the same apartment for a year now. But, we both sleep better alone. It has nothing to do with our relationship, it has everything to do with getting a good night's rest.

We have always slept in our own bedrooms - during the good times and bad.

Money isn't an issue for us.

We have slept in the same bed on occasion. We show lots of affection.
idk, what else do u wanna know?

 

[KaraBulut]

Lately, my bf and I have not been having sex. Maybe once per month. We don't do anal, just oral.
Is our relationship doomed?

If your relationship is based on sex, it is doomed either way.

If it's based upon mutual respect, love and shared interests, then sex is the not the barometer of success.

However, if the two of you can't communicate about your disatisfaction and if you can't come to some sort of compromise, then that's the issue- not how often you fuck.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

If your relationship is based on sex, it is doomed either way.

If it's based upon mutual respect, love and shared interests, then sex is the not the barometer of success.

However, if the two of you can't communicate about your disatisfaction and if you can't come to some sort of compromise, then that's the issue- not how often you fuck.

Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

 

[Maklaar13]

The most important thing to do is to talk about it and make sure that you both understand the situation. Then, you must be sincere about what you want out of this relationship, if you can both come to terms with what you both want, need and can't leave without, then you can fix whatever the problem is. You are not alone, just about everyone involved in a relationship has had difficulties, the important fact is to talk about it and make arrangements.

 

[gingentleman]

I feel that sleeping in separate beds (and bedrooms) is building a strong foundation that intimacy is not a part of. I strongly suggest you buy a larger bed or something, and move into ONE bedroom...let the other bedroom be for houseguests or turn it into a study or dungeon or anything that is not related to either of you spending the night in it alone. Relationships are tricky, but communication is key to making it work, and intimacy is the glue that binds you together. Best of luck to you and keep us posted!

 

[HunterM]

let the other bedroom be for houseguests or turn it into a study or dungeon...

Like this idea of a dungeon. Spice up your sex life by kink it up!

Have to agree with others in re-examining the sleeping arrangement. Without intimacy, it sounded like you 2 are roommates or fuck buddies or a married couple after 20 years of marriage rather than partners in a committed relationship.
1. Who initiated the separate sleeping arrangement?
2. Besides sex or lack of it, is he still into you (in other ways)?

 

[Seasoned]

Every couple sets there own agenda and arrangement. There are primarily oral couples and there are couples with separate bedrooms. I don't see a problem with separate bedrooms. There's something sexy and special when one of you is in the other's bed.

Once a month sex seems more troublesome. I'll echo the above chorus. Communicate about this issue and all issues, for that matter. Good luck.

 

[KaraBulut]

We live in the same apartment. We've been living in the same apartment for a year now. But, we both sleep better alone. It has nothing to do with our relationship, it has everything to do with getting a good night's rest.

It's not that uncommon, especially when one or both persons are restless sleepers or snore.

Maybe the beginning of getting back on track is to make an agreement that you'll spend time together in the same bed either at the beginning of the night or in the morning. That gives both quality time together and the opportunity for intimacy- whether that intimacy is the lets-get-off or let-cuddle-and-talk variety.

 

[NineOfClubs]

It might work out.

But if I were a betting man, I'd bet against it.