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Sex tips for newbies please

A

abdul783

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Hi

My BF and I have been a relationship a few months now. We are both new to this gay world. Only coming out at 26 and 27 years of age. Initially our sex life started out orally because I had a circumcision he could not do much to me.

The main problem is the penetrational sides of sex. We were both Virgins. We have penetrated each other on 3 occasion. Him to me and me to him. On all 3 occasions he came. However with me I found him so tight that I lost my erection whilst trying to penetrate him. Admittedly I do have a very large head and i can get it but because he is so tight I lose my erection. (yes we wear condoms) His arse is so tight that it feels like a rubber band.

Its very frustrating for me because it seems as though I am gonna become the bottom in the relationship. Not that I care cause I love him alot but I would be more satisfied if i could perform better when I topped. I just one to top a few times!

On our last encounter when i topped i was drilling him hard trying to make myself cum but i couldn't. He was so upset with me that he said he had truly been fucked like an animal. He said he was in so much pain. I felt so bad because when he penetrates me its not that painful once it gets in and I can come as well.
Consequently now he says that the thought of a dick going into his arse does not appeal to him much more. So he wants to take the top role.
I know he loves me so he will bottom again at some point but the problem is that I know he is terrified because of our last encounter.
What can i do to loosen him up?
Any sex tips?
How do you make someone become more versatile?
 
Well, the only reason he's tight as a rubber band is because he's not as relaxed as he should be. That'd also be the reason for why it hurt so much. And you shoudl let him know that if it hurts while you're doing it, HE SHOULD TELL YOU!

So there are several factors here:

1) To get him to loosen up, do more foreplay. Try slowly fingering him, using lots of lube and playa roudnw ith him until you feel that you can easily manuever in and out of him with your fingers.

2) When you're penetrating him, tell him to tell you whent o stop and go. As you penetrate him, go slowly and ask him if he's okay. If he's not, or he feels too tense, stop and let him get adjusted and used to your penis in his ass. That way, his ass will slowly relax and you can keep going until he needs ot get used ot it again and continue.

3) You shouldn't HAVE to drill him to get off, unless you both consent to rough sex. The problem could be in your masturbatory habits. "The Grip of Death" (to coin Dan Savage's phrase) is where rigorous masturbation causes the penis to be less responsive to more sensitive stimulation, such as oral sex or slow anal sex, making it difficult to orgasm. If that might be the case, then try practicing softer touches when you masturbate or are with your partner. Get aroused and then experiment with touching yourself with softer motions until you orgasm. That will eventually condition yoru penis back to being responsive to softer motions, allowing you to receive morepleasure from oral sex or anal sex that's not 'drilling'.

But the big thing I notice here is the lack of communication. Your partner was offended by the way you topped him. But he never told you that it hurt or that it offended him until after the fact (right?) otherwise you would have stopped. You also didn't tell him, I'm assuming, that he was too tight. He didn't tell you that he was probably not ready to have you in him since he was too tense.

So I think these are all things you can talk about to each other. It will make him less worried about how much it will hurt next time if you explain to him that you'll both just get him more relaxed next time and take it slow based on how he feels while it's being done.
 

You hit the nail of the head with the masturbatory habits! Prior to the relationship I had no previous experience of penetrative sex with either girls/guys. So it was masturbation for 10 years!
We he masturbated me it took ages for me to get off because I was so accustomed to doing it myself and he had wank me of really hard as well.
I can't even get off on oral sex either, its like my penis doesn't feel anything. Its feels good but it like my penis is not extremely turned on by it so it goes into semi mode.

luminum your right, I would of stopped if I knew I was hurting him. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable not painful. When I bottomed I didn't feel much
Pain once his penis was in me. So I assumed it would be no different for him taking it.

I definitely will communicate with him next time. He once told me the thought of having his BF inside of him turns him on but once we begin and he bottoms he just feels scared and tenses up. You can see it in his body language. EG you have to manoeuvre his body he just does not have the ‘Baby come and fuck me attitude’
I see it as role play so I don’t mind saying it.

How long does it take to condition my pens?
Do you suggest practising softer types of masturbation alone or should he assist?

Thanks again for you advice and all suggestions are welcome
 
Haha, I'm not a doctor, just an intuitive ho, I guess. ;)

I'm not sure how long it will take to condition your penis, but try to make it just a side thing you do or remember when you maturabte alone and with your partner is even better! It gives him an opportunity to tease you and for the two of you to play around more in bed. Little licks or touches and with time, I think your penis will start to expect them and respond to them really well. Or try not even touching your penis and have him or yourself (when you're alone) do other things to you to get you aroused, like touching/foreplay on other places on the body followed by very brief caresses or licks to your penis.

As for the anal sex, if he gets scared and tense when you start to penetrate, then try touching him more, kissing him, distracting him with other things like neck kisses, nipple play, or just embraces and ask him to let you know when he feels that he's ready to keep going. It's important, too, that he doesn'yt rush himself and that he feel comfortable with taking time. So exuding a feeling of patience is important to do.

When he gets more comfortable with anal sex and does it more often, then he'll probably have the confidence to exhibit the "Baby come fuck me" attitude. ;)

The penis isn't the only erogenous zone, so try playing with everything else. And the body isn't even the biggest erogenous site, either. The brain is, so set sexy moods or say sexy things or whatever that will contribute to mental and physical arousal. Allt higns will help contribute to your personal sensitivity and to his enjoyment/relaxation/receptivity to anal sex.
 
Nothing much to add to the advice above, but instead of you actively trying to penetrate him you could lay on your back and have him lower himself over you at a rate that he is comfortable with.
 
That's a great idea!

Yeah! Try doing positions where he can control the penetration, such as squatting on it while you lie on the bed.
 
Tell him to relax and push out (like he's trying to shit) a little when something is going in.

You have to prep him a lot with rimming and then a finger or a thin toy. Use lots of lube and make sure he's loosened up. Make sure to play with his cock and balls at the same time, to keep him aroused.
 
What do you guys think of recommending a hit or two of poppers for the bottom?
 
I find the smell of poppers on a guy's breath to be a complete turnoff, so while it could help him be ready, it would be counterproductive as far as I was concerned.
 
Hey I'm newbie so of ..I'm never had anal sex yet.. so these are good tips .. I'm kind scare to do it..so So I could use these tips.. thanks
 
abdul,

I have the exact same problem. I have a larger dick and my bf's ass is really tight. I find myself loosing my erection when trying to penetrate him, for whatever reason. We use plenty of lube and I finger him for a while during foreplay but it never seems to work. So I just end up letting him fucking me (which Im still getting used to).

All of this advice will really help. thanks guys
 
My BF and I had sex last night with me bottoming. I really let him go at it for a good 30 minutes in various positions before he came. Even when he was fucking me hard once his dick was in me it did not feel that bad. Usually when he is fucking me I would jerk myself off but I did not want to. It was strange because throughtout the sex I mainted an erection without touching myself and the fucking felt kinda good. After he was done I really wanted to try fucking him to get myself off but when I asked he said he would prefer not to because he already came so it would not feel that good.

He said that he because he loved me he would always try to bottom. I felt that was such a sweet thing to say.

I will try the foreplay thing next time and get more direction from him when I am penetrating him.
 
Really, a great technique mentioned by someone else is not to penetrate him, but to let him control the penetration. The best way to do that is to do the cowboy position where you lay on your back and he sits on your dick and slowly lowers himself at his own pace.
 
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