Sex troubles

[MaxMouse]

Hi everyone!

So I have had sex now 4 times, and I just can't get into it...I start having sex, and I have been both a top and bottom, and just get sick of it after 10 minutes or so every time! Me and whoever it is always end up just masturbating together, and that gets me off (even thinking about the dude I'm with)...What's my problem? I don't get soft, I stay hard enough every time, but I just lose focus.

I know that I need some sort of emotional tie with people for the most part, and realize that most sex I have is pretty meaningless...is this normal for people to NOT get off in these situations?

I do not want a relationship, and I don't really have sex that often, I would say once every six months actually. My PLAN is to just wait next time until I actually like someone and not be IN a relationship per se, but continously having sex with the same person for practice? I know that I come off as an asshole saying that, I just don't want to be COMMITTED as I know that I am constantly looking for what I think might be Mr. Perfect (just someone where there is a definite chemistry and attraction)

When talking to my best GIRL friend, she said it seems that I have womanly emotions when it comes to sex, because for her to get off, she said she has to constantly FOCUS on the person she is with and actually like that person...it's only easy/possible to focus when there is that complete chemistry and attraction.

What do you guys think? I definitely need advice..thanks for any help! xoxo

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm not quite sure I understand the set-up. When you do have sex, who is it with? What are you hoping or expecting to happen? I can't speak for you, but for me, outside a relationship, it's just fun to get naked and have hot monkey sex with another person. I enjoy getting him off, and I enjoy him getting me off. Occasionally, we might end up in a position that doesn't work, or one of us might dig it more than the other, at which point we try something else. It's just supposed to be fun.

If you're not getting off doing X or Y, you do what you did - you move on to Z. You jerk each other off, or jerk yourself off while he plays with your nipples or nuts or kisses the back of your neck or rubs himself against your leg. Still sex. Still fun.

I have no idea why you need to "practice" having sex, to be honest. So when Mr Right comes along, you'll be good at it? If he's Mr Right, he'll be more than happy to teach you anything you still have yet to learn.

Lex

 

[TrailRider86]

Interesting. I'll just toss this out there... I've been with a couple dudes where it just doesn't seem to work at all and others where things are crazy hot. I guess its a chemistry or something that has to be there. Sex where youre really into the person on a deeper level is pretty great, while probably more associated with girls, can happen with guys too. You will find that eventually im sure so just do what works for you till you find it. ha.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, congratulations are in order because I recall that you were one who had stated a while back that you were a virgin and you did not plan on having sex.

Here's the problem- you're trying to make sex into something it's not. Sex is not the destination... it's the journey.

And so that we're clear: sex is sex. If you are hard and something gets wet- then it's sex. You can have sex and never take your clothes off. The whole anal/top/bottom/versatile thing is just one form of sex. You don't have to get penetrated to call it "sex".

Sex is supposed to be a natural progression in a relationship. It's supposed to be an expression of something that you feel- whether it be lust or an emotional bond.

Where it goes terribly wrong is when people start using it to for other reasons.... like to prove that other people find them attractive, to boost their self-esteem temporarily or - on the other extreme- to try to use it as a test on the value of a relationship.

Instead of putting all this pressure on yourself, why don't you just date and when it feels right, have sex with the person. That can mean just holding each other and jacking off. It can mean sucking each other off or just playing around and finishing by jacking yourselves off. Or it can be the full ass-in-the-air-fuck-me-raw-until-I-scream.

The point is that you're not supposed to be doing it for the practice. You're supposed to be doing it because it's fun and it's something you want to share with another person... and if you're lucky, it's an expression of mutual love.

 

[rareboy]

^ Listen to Kara and Lex.

 

[MaxMouse]

Those were all outstanding responses thanks sooo much guys! I agree with everything you said...

Lex your explanations definitely make me feel better...I guess I feel forced into trying anal sex because I feel like everyone else is doing it? Not exactly sure of my own thought process there...

Kara I think I've come to a new level of sexual maturity that I hadn't really found before. For the first time, sex is sex is sex. If it happens it happens, and I don't have to look down upon it all the time. I won't go to extremes and will always be cautious, but I am def. more open to experimenting now than ever before.

So I guess I will ix-nay the practice idea and stick with the "when I wanna have fun" side moreso...basically I'll do what I want to do with another person when I want to do it. And what could be wrong with that?

Thanks again.

 

[spencer]

do you consider your sex drive normal?

 

[MaxMouse]

I masturbate as much as, if not more than the normal person...but I don't really NEED sex. I won't just go home with someone, there has to be a pretty extreme attraction to them to even consider the idea. It happens only about every 6 months where I really crave the idea of sex, so I guess that's abnormal, but I'm a picky, busy guy too...