Ok,Since my last topic, things have gotten better. The guy that was causing so much uncertainty has now become my boyfriend and things around this have gotten much better as well. He has since sorted things out with his family, and taken responsibility that he likes other men. As a general we have talked over the things that were bothering both him and myself and it seem's that we have an agreement that we like each other very much [been together since January].
However my question is this "why do i still feel the need to be so self destructive?"
I mean my relationship with him is good, we both know what this self destructive nature can cause and how it can affect decisions. I think that's why we match up well since we both experienced it and we both kind of helped each other get out of that life style where "looking for sex and just not caring who or where its from."
I admit that i liked it when i didn't care where i got sex from or who it was, i liked it that i knew a lot of guys, i liked it that i could just make my feelings just disappear and become a cold heart'd person and i liked that i was easy to fuck
but that all said and done, there came to a point where i was risking my health so that had to be dealt with. It is extremely nice to have a guy that just cares for you no matter what.
Recently how ever i just felt the need to be self destructive when it came to sex, i know i am 100% versatile and simply get bored if i cant do both [i think its more fun] however with my boyfriend recently i just feel the need to be fucked like well hmmm... u know "a person who is easy". It's like i need to feel that pain to feel anything at all, the more pain the better
he has said a couple of times that i turn in to a completely different person and has stressed he didn't like it but hasn't said anything else on the subject. Am just wondering why i feel like this though .....
any ideas? am i being silly in making this a topic ?
However my question is this "why do i still feel the need to be so self destructive?"
I mean my relationship with him is good, we both know what this self destructive nature can cause and how it can affect decisions. I think that's why we match up well since we both experienced it and we both kind of helped each other get out of that life style where "looking for sex and just not caring who or where its from."
I admit that i liked it when i didn't care where i got sex from or who it was, i liked it that i knew a lot of guys, i liked it that i could just make my feelings just disappear and become a cold heart'd person and i liked that i was easy to fuck
but that all said and done, there came to a point where i was risking my health so that had to be dealt with. It is extremely nice to have a guy that just cares for you no matter what.Recently how ever i just felt the need to be self destructive when it came to sex, i know i am 100% versatile and simply get bored if i cant do both [i think its more fun] however with my boyfriend recently i just feel the need to be fucked like well hmmm... u know "a person who is easy". It's like i need to feel that pain to feel anything at all, the more pain the better
he has said a couple of times that i turn in to a completely different person and has stressed he didn't like it but hasn't said anything else on the subject. Am just wondering why i feel like this though .....any ideas? am i being silly in making this a topic ?
