Sex

[Christopher123]

Wow. That's alotta questions. And most of them only you can decide.

As for the site, yes, I think it would survive just fine without the sexual inuendos. I don't even pay any attention to them. Here I have seen friendships made (both online and off), fun times had, feelings hurt, people cry, people laugh, compassion given - and taken away - and people in general just coming together to form a community. Have I laughed here? Yep. Have I cried here? Yep. Have I made friends here? Yep yep yep.

Although I think sometimes people forget that there *IS* a real person on the other side of that screen. A real person with real problems and real feelings. That's the main thing I try and stay focused on. These people, to me, aren't just words on a screen. They're human. And I think it's important to remember that.

 

[bayern20]

Internet friendships are 99% of the time useless.

Here is the simple explanation.

You hide behind a monitor. You can say what you want. No worries. You can pretend to be there, to understand, yet, you are far away and know that you cant be asked to do anything of importance. A lot of it has to do with denial. Pretending to be many things you are not. You can make yourself look how you want over the internet.

Simple question for anyone who actually believes in internet friendships. Some say, I have made great friends here, that guy from Boston, that guy from London, they are all great, cool, guys. The thing is, these same guys are right in your city. So, if you have the confidence, and you actually WANT to have friends..why not find those same people in your city? I would not for a second believe that those same qualities you see in those internet friendships would not be present somewhere where you live. So, there is this huge appreciation for these internet friends DAILY (we see it on this forum), yet, for some reason, the person chooses to not do that in their day to day life..in the city that they live in. Something doesn't add up. It has to do with what I said above...people are not who you think they are over the net.

I have no problem talking to people online after I have met them and have a good idea of who they are in ALL FORMS. However, a strictly internet friendship is NOTHING imo. Its full of innaccuracies based on what you would like to do in life, but you are too scared to, so you act it out in a setting where you can.

One thing this forum is good for is that at times, people do actually state what they feel, without the worry of someone really judging them. That is a good part. People can vent. That is why I like the coming out forum. This is also a great place for gay news and happenings. Also, this place has the potential of being what its good for..a place to debate, without the personal/character related things thrown in. And hey, the porn is good too.

 

[_AJ_]

yes i would still be here if there wasent any of the sex stuff the main reason i came here was to talk with some other gay guys and have fun

 

[_AJ_]

Internet friendships are 99% of the time useless.

Here is the simple explanation.

You hide behind a monitor. You can say what you want. No worries. You can pretend to be there, to understand, yet, you are far away and know that you cant be asked to do anything of importance. A lot of it has to do with denial. Pretending to be many things you are not. You can make yourself look how you want over the internet.

Simple question for anyone who actually believes in internet friendships. Some say, I have made great friends here, that guy from Boston, that guy from London, they are all great, cool, guys. The thing is, these same guys are right in your city. So, if you have the confidence, and you actually WANT to have friends..why not find those same people in your city? I would not for a second believe that those same qualities you see in those internet friendships would not be present somewhere where you live. So, there is this huge appreciation for these internet friends DAILY (we see it on this forum), yet, for some reason, the person chooses to not do that in their day to day life..in the city that they live in. Something doesn't add up. It has to do with what I said above...people are not who you think they are over the net.

I have no problem talking to people online after I have met them and have a good idea of who they are in ALL FORMS. However, a strictly internet friendship is NOTHING imo. Its full of innaccuracies based on what you would like to do in life, but you are too scared to, so you act it out in a setting where you can.

One thing this forum is good for is that at times, people do actually state what they feel, without the worry of someone really judging them. That is a good part. People can vent. That is why I like the coming out forum. This is also a great place for gay news and happenings. Also, this place has the potential of being what its good for..a place to debate, without the personal/character related things thrown in. And hey, the porn is good too.

gee what happened to you to make you so pessamistic
when im here i act the same as when im around my friends you know having fun lauging and stuff

but i like a good discussion and argument on something i have a view on

 

[-live-]

i think i found this site by porn but id stay here without the porn because its a fun place to be!

 

[Christopher123]

.people are not who you think they are over the net.

You said a mouthful there. I've met people from online before and I won't ever do that again.

But I believe that a 'net friendship' can survive and you can get to know someone, to a certain extent, and I'm really no different here than I am anywhere else. I'm still talking to people, online only, that I met 7 or 8 years ago. We still communicate on a regular basis. And we don't get too crazy or serious or let it fuck with our heads, we simply talk and share stories and feelings and yes, we listen to each other when one of us has a beef over something or a problem that's bothering us, whatever. Sometimes it's easier to talk to my net friends than it is someone right here. Oddly enough, my net friends listen to me when no one else will.

So yeah, it all has a worth, depending on how you look at it. Do I give a shit about my net friends? Of course I do.

Do I believe in internet love? No. I'm not here (or anywhere else) to fall in love. I just like talking to people. I like to communicate. I like to have fun. And yeah, some of us can sometimes take things a little more seriously than others. But there's a line there... a very fine line... that you have to be careful not to cross. I've crossed that line before and learned a very harsh lesson

But, that's what it was... a lesson learned. And so on moves life.

 

[Lefty]

i totally agree with christopher and sebbles
but most especially with ctm5100

bayern20 Why are you so bitter, negative and pessimistic?

 

[Christopher123]

I need to clarify, however, that not ALL online-to-realtime friendships and relationships are a bad experience. I've known people who have met someone from online and they're still good friends and/or have even gotten married.

So not all experiences will be bad. I'll just personally never do it again myself.

 

[bayern20]

i totally agree with christopher and sebbles
but most especially with ctm5100

bayern20 Why are you so bitter, negative and pessimistic?

Some people here have met me so they can vouch how I am in public. I say that the post is realistic, not bitter, negative or pessimistic. Read my post again and think about it.

I never talk to anybody online anymore that I dont think I will have a chance of meeting. So, I have talked to the Ottawa members here on JUB, and we did actually get a chance to meet, and that was great.

I think the problem is, that the day-to-day friendships, over the internet, are unrealistic, and frankly a waste of time. You can put anything in your head and make yourself believe you have something there even though you dont. You can act. Display what you want. But I think its wrong and its keeping you from doing what you really should be doing, living life. As I said that potential for you is right where you are, where you are living, so doing that on the net, instead of where you are actually, makes no sense to me. Unless you think those people dont exist in your city..which is of course not true at all.

Personally, that is my opinion. It is not meant to be negative.

 

[bayern20]

On this site, as an example... there are a lot of extremes.

I think if you have a well rounded life, its not a problem. You have a good social life, good group of friends, etc and then you come once in awhile, given an opinion to an online forum, read some things, learn, and so on. Talking to people is not the problem, but viewing it as some sort of real friendship is IMO.

But, a real, online friendship, makes no sense to me. Why would you do that, when you can go out and make friends. Join clubs, sports teams, and then meet people right in your life. So these online friendships add up to me no more than the kid that eats everytime he gets depressed instead of solving the problem. Ie. You interact online instead of going out and doing the same (what you really want, but maybe fear)

The problem is..you wake up from this mess in 5yrs and say to yourself "holy cow..I've been doing this 5 straight years..people are moving on right and left, and I'm still online making wise cracks". If anybody found anything better where they live, they would drop you in a second. That is just how things work..sadly. What are you going to ignore the people in your life that want to hang out a lot, and say "oh no, I have to get online and have a little chat". I mean, come on lol

 

[bayern20]

I definetley agree its harder if you are from a small town. Some people have the personality where they are really independent to the point that they just like he quiet type of life. And from rare interaction, they are ok. If you are not that type of person, and you are 18, I say, get out of there.

I think the thing is this. Doing anything is not wrong as long as you can say to yourself that you are happy with your life. Hey, if you are honestly deep down happy you are on the net all day creating online friendships, I say great. I cant say that would be me though....because for all the reasons mentioned above. And I know a lot of people would rather be doing something else, live, and as a result, you are constantly creating situations that are destined to fail. Its like when people meet each other but its through cheating.(thats how the relationship is formed) It does matter how you met, what you were thinking, what you were doing, because, history has a way of repeating itself. There is nothing to suggest you would not cheat again..because that is how it was formed. And that makes so much sense to internet friendships because you know so little to begin with and even when you think you do, you still dont. When you think about it as a whole, what I'm saying makes a lot of sense.

 

[JakeBequette]

i think i found this site by porn but id stay here without the porn because its a fun place to be!

Well said.

I like you too Elvin ​

 

[Christopher123]

That's a good reminder and good advice for all of us. I'm new here, just joined a day ago. So I'll make sure to keep that in mind. Definitely I agree that people have feelings and everyone has things they are sensitive about. Wise words my friend!

Danke

-----

 

[Christopher123]

But, a real, online friendship, makes no sense to me. Why would you do that, when you can go out and make friends.

Well... I'm sure most of us do have friends in "real life," a term I've always hated. I mean, isn't this part of life too? You guys aren't robots on the other side, there. I'm assuming there's a real person typing the words I'm reading.

I have a social life. I go to a gym, I go out every weekend, I have lots of friends. Well, acquaintences. I've always been one to know a lot of people, but my true friends are small circle. And that's the way I like it

 

[bayern20]

Well... I'm sure most of us do have friends in "real life," a term I've always hated. I mean, isn't this part of life too? You guys aren't robots on the other side, there. I'm assuming there's a real person typing the words I'm reading.

I have a social life. I go to a gym, I go out every weekend, I have lots of friends. Well, acquaintences. I've always been one to know a lot of people, but my true friends are small circle. And that's the way I like it

Of course...I am posting here now. I'm saying that I dont have online friends that I always talk to, definetley not.(and would not want to for the reasons I mentioned..makes no sense to me) Sometimes I am wasting time..getting ready for work, studying, resting, and I get on here. And sometimes you just want to relax back and have your own time. Definetley not saying there is something wrong with that.

 

[Christopher123]

Well said....It's about balancing too....

Exactly. However, I know some people that can't really 'handle' the netships because they take them too seriously. And that will happen. Not everybody is the same. I've made that mistake in the past myself.

And I'm being a little hypocritical right now because although I've learned how to "balance" the friendships, I still take shit too seriously at times. I don't mean getting too serious with the netships, I mean just communication in general. I'll admit I can be a huge baby and take things a little too personal. Some of the things that have been said to me online, I would have much rather just taken a punch in the face.

My skin isn't as thick as I'd like it to be.

 

[Christopher123]

Of course...I am posting here now. I'm saying that I dont have online friends that I always talk to, definetley not.(and would not want to for the reasons I mentioned..makes no sense to me) Sometimes I am wasting time..getting ready for work, studying, resting, and I get on here. And sometimes you just want to relax back and have your own time. Definetley not saying there is something wrong with that.

I know. I understand your point of view as well.

If we all had the same point of view, life would be pretty damn boring

 

[bayern20]

I think that is the thing with me too. You see, I dont find chatting all that fun and just wasting too much time on a forum or whatever..only if everything is real. I always like everything to mean something as well. And yeah, thats kind of the problem with the internet.

 

[RationalLunacy]

I can be just as sarcastic without the porn so, yes, I'd still be here (to the dismay of many, I'm sure).

 

[Riverrick]

I think its really hard to generalize on the usefulness or harmfulness of online friends. There are so many different personality types, so many different living conditions, people with so many different needs, guys in different stages of their life. If even a little comfort or personal growth is achieved, it seems like a useful thing to me.

I also understand, though, what Bayern is saying about not letting it become a permanent substitute for real time relationships. Perhaps it could be a stepping stone, however, for some people to practice here and then use their new skills out in the real world.